19 and depressed.

[googly389]

Hi everyone. I'm so glad I found a place where maybe someone can understand me. I would like to share my story and maybe get some advice. Here goes:

It all began when I was 10. I remember waking up one day for school and feeling "odd", ya know kind of like I couldn't keep my thoughts in one place and I had a fleeting rush of memories and feelings of detachment. Then, out of the blue, I became disorientated; kind of like an intense deja vu but opposite at the same time! I remember asking someone where I was and who they were. This lasted for a few seconds and then I felt completely fine like nothing happened. The rest of the day I felt normal and never mentioned this to my parents. This trend continued here and there through the years, mostly brought on by a bad night of sleep. Then in march of 2005, at the age of 16 I remember slipping into one of these episodes but blacking out. My father found me rigid on the kitchen floor. I was taken to the hospital and had a ct scan with nothing out of the ordinary. Then I was referred to a neurologist who put me on 1000 mg of Depakote ER at bedtime (which I still take). It has worked to say the least. I don't have the complex partials anymore but lately I have been feeling spacey with minor deja vu's again, but with no progression. It makes no sense, I was doing so well for 3 years! I was never diagnosed with epilepsy since my three EEG's were all normal (one last month) and I get the feeling they think it was just a fluke but I know I have something. I have eliminated caffeinated beverages, MSG, Aspartame, and recently adopted a gluten free diet (my mother says it runs in the family and had me on the diet until I was 9) but am only seeing small results. I'm really depressed and let down about this. I mean, I drive and work very early in the mornings for( certain company) but my social life is suffering because I'm so afraid and feel so awful on the weekends. I live at home still and my girlfriend of almost 3 years recently decided we should see other people so I'm feeling so alone and vulnerable. I mean, who would want to date a guy like me who doesn't feel like doing anything on the weekends but lying around! This is so unlike me, I use to get out and go. Someone reassure me, please!

[Georgiagirl88]

Hi Googly!
Welcome to the group!! You will find a ton of support and information here..and there are people of all ages in the family. Everyone is very nice and I just know you will really like it. It was truly a huge help to me when I was new at all of this. It sounds like you are on the right track with being proactive with your diet etc. and getting information and support as well! I know how hard it can be..depression certainly is a huge factor that goes along with epilepsy. I am sure you were really scared when you were little..dealing with it by yourself and not mentioning it to your parents. Not a great idea, I am sure you now realize. It can really affect so many other facets of your life. I am sorry you are going through a bad time and feeling depressed. I think we have all been through that at one time or another. there are alot of posts about this as well. I can tell you that for me..I had normal eeg's and mri's multiple times and after about 5..I had a sleep deprived one and then another and they were both abnormal and showed seizure activity. Mine are complex partial and left temporal lobe. I went undiagnosed for yrs. It can be really tricky for sure. I think you will get alot of info. about your situation. As for you girlfriend..I am sure that is really hard. Maybe you guys can just take a break for a short time and you can get on track and get a good hold on your health and all that is going on. I think things will start looking up for you..find a good neurologist, work with them. Give them as much info. as possible. Keep a journal and write down everything relative you can think of. That is very helpful to the Dr.
Trust me..we have all had our rough patches..it does get better!!! And you will too. Keep your head up!! Welcome again! I think it will be really helpful. Bernard has made a great house for all of us here!

Take care!
Michelle (Atlanta) : )

[googly389]

Hi Googly!
Welcome to the group!! You will find a ton of support and information here..and there are people of all ages in the family. Everyone is very nice and I just know you will really like it. It was truly a huge help to me when I was new at all of this. It sounds like you are on the right track with being proactive with your diet etc. and getting information and support as well! I know how hard it can be..depression certainly is a huge factor that goes along with epilepsy. I am sure you were really scared when you were little..dealing with it by yourself and not mentioning it to your parents. Not a great idea, I am sure you now realize. It can really affect so many other facets of your life. I am sorry you are going through a bad time and feeling depressed. I think we have all been through that at one time or another. there are alot of posts about this as well. I can tell you that for me..I had normal eeg's and mri's multiple times and after about 5..I had a sleep deprived one and then another and they were both abnormal and showed seizure activity. Mine are complex partial and left temporal lobe. I went undiagnosed for yrs. It can be really tricky for sure. I think you will get alot of info. about your situation. As for you girlfriend..I am sure that is really hard. Maybe you guys can just take a break for a short time and you can get on track and get a good hold on your health and all that is going on. I think things will start looking up for you..find a good neurologist, work with them. Give them as much info. as possible. Keep a journal and write down everything relative you can think of. That is very helpful to the Dr.
Trust me..we have all had our rough patches..it does get better!!! And you will too. Keep your head up!! Welcome again! I think it will be really helpful. Bernard has made a great house for all of us here!

Take care!
Michelle (Atlanta) : )

Thanks for the reply! Yes, I've been through quite a lot in my life (not trying to play a victim or anything) and I'm hoping that I will come out of this. First off, my parents are divorced, my father battles alcoholism, my mother went through a few series of psychotic depression when I moved in with my father at 14 so I know it has been worse. I'm so glad I can drive though *Knock on wood*, and it seems like when I take my mind off of it I feel better. I really think it has to do with my job hours (5 AM to 9 AM and 3 AM to 9 AM at xmas), since I started it a year ago and my problems got bad about a few months ago. But as for my ex-girlfriend, the major reason I am upset about her is she really understood me ya know. She had epilepsy herself from a car accident she got into during the time we dated. I remember she had 4 grand mals in one day and went into status. Now she is drugged up really bad and is just kinda of zoney but I still love her. I doubt it will work out, she found someone she is happy with but I have to move on and hopefully I can find a girl who understands.

Oh, and two of my three EEG's were sleep deprived. It just happens sometimes when I don't sleep. And lastly, I've researched the GARD diet and was wondering if anyone has tried it and had any results. Thanks everyone!

[Bernard]

Hi Googly389, welcome to the forum.

You are still very young. Wear a smile and the world will smile back at you.

A few members have posted about their experience with the GARD here: History Book forum

[RobinN]

Welcome Googly - I am sure you will find support here.


***your mom had you on the diet until 9 and your first seizure was at 10.
Sounds like you have a diagnosis right there. It is a known cause.

[googly389]

Welcome Googly - I am sure you will find support here.


***your mom had you on the diet until 9 and your first seizure was at 10.
Sounds like you have a diagnosis right there. It is a known cause.

Yes I know As we discussed I'm just one month into the diet and seeing minimal results (mostly in relaxation and less depersonalization). I really think gluten is a culprit since I had chronic ear infections before being on the diet as a toddler, and even though my father let me cheat by getting me happy meals every now and again when I was younger, they didn't start in full force until the diet was abandoned. Who knows, I always felt "different" even at an early age, like I could feel the atmosphere and mood of the environment around me (even depressed me at an early age). But yes, I will continue on the diet and see where it leads me.

[RobinN]

Not to take you away from here... but there are some Yahoo groups that are very active in this area. They are specialists in shopping, restaurants, products, etc. I found the GFCF kids group to be invaluable when I first began. I know there must be an adult group as well.

[Joe]

Welcome to CWE Googly,

There is a ton of support here!!!

Try and keep smiling; it can be as rough as hell, and sometimes life just kind of plays a nasty trick on you by throwing a spanner in the works just when you are down enough already!

When you feel like that, post, the people here know what it's like, we've all been there...are there...and just talking helps.

Get a good neurologist...and write everything (and I mean everything) down.

Take care of yourself,

Joe

[googly389]

Welcome to CWE Googly,

There is a ton of support here!!!

Try and keep smiling; it can be as rough as hell, and sometimes life just kind of plays a nasty trick on you by throwing a spanner in the works just when you are down enough already!

When you feel like that, post, the people here know what it's like, we've all been there...are there...and just talking helps.

Get a good neurologist...and write everything (and I mean everything) down.

Take care of yourself,

Joe

Thanks! Like my dad says "play the hand you're dealt".

Robin: I appreciate the advice! I'll look into it. Meanwhile, I'll stick with the GF diet for at least a year and see if I notice anything (I think I read it takes up to 6 months for the villi to heal) before moving into the GARD. I'm so glad I found this site!

[skillefer]

Hi Googly! First of all, as for your latest "deja vu" and odd feelings, discuss it with your neurologist. They'll probably want to test your blood levels. It may be that you gained weight over the year or went through a growth spurt, and your levels just aren't high enough now. It happens to all of us.

Secondly, just because you have these spells is not the end of the world. I have grand mals. Mine make me look like a fish dying out of the water. My lips turn blue, my arms and legs twist around and convulse. Despite that, I have a graduate degree, driver's license, and fantastic husband. And yes, he knew about the seizures (had one about a month into dating....) before we got married.

Thirdly, do what you can do, and quit worrying about the rest. Worry never added a minute to anyone's life, or improved the quality of it. So make sure that you're following a healthy diet, get enough sleep (try 7-9 hours) on a REGULAR basis, keep a journal of when these odd spells happen as well as your stressors each day and daily diet. Then, take the journal to your doctor. Maybe you'll see a patterna emerge. Also, ask your parents if there's any history of migraines in the family. Migraines are now considered a form of epilepsy.

Anyway, good luck....and keep smiling.

[googly389]

Hi Googly! First of all, as for your latest "deja vu" and odd feelings, discuss it with your neurologist. They'll probably want to test your blood levels. It may be that you gained weight over the year or went through a growth spurt, and your levels just aren't high enough now. It happens to all of us.

Secondly, just because you have these spells is not the end of the world. I have grand mals. Mine make me look like a fish dying out of the water. My lips turn blue, my arms and legs twist around and convulse. Despite that, I have a graduate degree, driver's license, and fantastic husband. And yes, he knew about the seizures (had one about a month into dating....) before we got married.

Thirdly, do what you can do, and quit worrying about the rest. Worry never added a minute to anyone's life, or improved the quality of it. So make sure that you're following a healthy diet, get enough sleep (try 7-9 hours) on a REGULAR basis, keep a journal of when these odd spells happen as well as your stressors each day and daily diet. Then, take the journal to your doctor. Maybe you'll see a patterna emerge. Also, ask your parents if there's any history of migraines in the family. Migraines are now considered a form of epilepsy.

Anyway, good luck....and keep smiling.

Thanks! And thanks everyone else. That's one thing that really helps me, and I'm not trying to sound at all arrogant, but at the moment I don't have a severe form of epilepsy. As for gaining weight, no. I'm still very underweight but I might have grown an inch the last year. I don't wanna be on meds the rest of my life and that's why I refuse to go up another 250 mg at the suggestions of my docs. They said my levels were 27 on Depakote and I think that's border line low. I've already had to increase my dose once and that's the major discouraging thing. I also suffer a lack of sex drive (well, except this weekend lol) and difficulty "maintaining one" if you know what I mean. And this definitely was not an issue before my meds when I was 15. I just had a hormone check on my testosterone and it was normal so I'm bummed in that department because I don't know what to do about it other than try and get some cialis or something lol . But, I'll just keep smiling and trodding on. Again, thank you all for helping me keep my head above water

[hawke86]

Welcome to the group,googly. I hope you enjoy it here.

[skillefer]

*chuckle* Hey googly, check out the alternative treatments thread.....several of us here have had good results by just adding magnesium to our daily regimens....read the info, and then talk it over with your doc. Who knows, he might let you try it.

[Meetz1064]

Googly, we DO all know where you're coming from.

I may not have the deja vu issues (had a few many years ago).......I'm blessed with those lovely T/C's......but we do all understand. Skilly's suggestions about the journal, and the meds are spot on. And boy oh boy, am I with ya on not wanting to raise your meds. I've been going through that with my doc and will go through it again today. URG.

And I feel for you on the gluten issue....I have the same problem, too.

Anyway, I do want to welcome you if I haven't already. This is such a cool place that Mr B has made for us.......

Take care,

Meetz

[tinasmom]

Googly -
It sounds like you are on the right track with your diet, even if it only seems to be a minimual help right now. It will take your system time to adjust. I am researching diets for my granddaughter because I hate the side effects of meds.

You will find the right person to spend your life with, it just might take some time.

It's great to have you here.

[GraceyFace]

hey there googly,

my names grace and im fairly new to this site, well being involved in it e.g posting etc, i have to admit i have been registered for over a year.reading your post made me decide to post and reply, and take some sort of active involvement in this online community.i can definitly relate to wat ur sayin bout the de ja vu feeling. i get it quite often, for me thats a warning sign, to either de-stress or prepare for a seizure.as far as the feelings go ive come to live with them, as far as im concerned id rather have a million of those feelings instead of one of my grand mal's.but anyway just wanted to drop you a line, say thanks for inspiring me to involve myself and hopefully we can chat in the future, itd be nice to chat to someone around the same age.

[googly389]

hey there googly,

my names grace and im fairly new to this site, well being involved in it e.g posting etc, i have to admit i have been registered for over a year.reading your post made me decide to post and reply, and take some sort of active involvement in this online community.i can definitly relate to wat ur sayin bout the de ja vu feeling. i get it quite often, for me thats a warning sign, to either de-stress or prepare for a seizure.as far as the feelings go ive come to live with them, as far as im concerned id rather have a million of those feelings instead of one of my grand mal's.but anyway just wanted to drop you a line, say thanks for inspiring me to involve myself and hopefully we can chat in the future, itd be nice to chat to someone around the same age.

Thanks Gracey! Yea, I guess I am fortunate to only have had one grand mal. But the grass is always greener as they say. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers, so your about 19 as well?

[GraceyFace]

yer im 20 but close enough right, its hard sometimes, you feel like ur youth is being wasted! without sounding like a victim hahah

[googly389]

yer im 20 but close enough right, its hard sometimes, you feel like ur youth is being wasted! without sounding like a victim hahah

I know exactly what you mean It's like, I watch everyone else without this affliction having the times of their lives. Boozing, partying, having full independence...sigh. But you have to appreciate what you have and what helps me is believing that maybe there is a higher power or a god or whatever you want to call it or believe in and that this is all happening for a reason. I don't mean to say that like it's a gift, but maybe God allowed this to happen to me so that I won't get carried away with alcohol (alcoholism runs heavily in my family) and since it brings on my auras I don't touch the stuff. If you don't mind me asking Gracey, what were ur EEGs like?

[GraceyFace]

as far as partying goes, i dont need booze.i have a crazy outgoing personality and will quite openly make a fool of myself with my drunk friends. alcohol is by no means a necessiity for fun, most people drink it so they have an excuse to let go of their inhibitions.i let go of them whole heartedly and couldnt care less what people think. as far as independance i dont see why i can't have it. i have lived out of home for almost a year now, i moved somewhere quite central close to public transport (cause ofcourse i cant drive)i do whatever i please, i make my own decisions.as far as higher power, yeah perhaps or maybe this is just a life challenge. whatever reason it is we have what we have, but it dosnt mean you cannot live your life the way you choose. what is it you want to know about my eeg's?