Can you have too good a friend?

[GregA]

My friend watches out for me but sometimes gets on my nerves because he babies me about my seizures. No matter how many times I tell him I'm gonna be fine It seems he doesn't get it. It really annoies me. I bet some of you have had the same experience Right?

[RobinN]

Yes this annoys Rebecca also. Then it swings the other way, where they completely avoid her.

Makes for an unpleasant situation.

[epileric]

I've had that happen quite often. These people might have the best of intentions but don't really know how else to deal with it. I feel just as bad as when people react negatively because I'm still being treated differently even if it is in a protective manner.

The person I've felt most comfortable around during a seizure was very calm & just ignored me then waited for me to start talking again (I have trouble talking afterwards). One day after a seizure I actually asked her if she was aware when I had a seizure because she was so casual about it.

[all_new_me89]

Lately I have been coming across people who say they understand the consquences of one coming across one of my triggers, then telling me it wont do anything. I think maybe they are trying to be comforting and confident to make me feel better but when they say " oh you'll be fine, forget about it" it feels like they arent taking me seriously. I guess people never really understand til they see it or if they have it themselves.

[danjor]

Oh yes. haha. I had this one girl in my class who literally every 2 minutes would ask me if im ok.
I finally just asked her to back off a little and ill let her know when I don't feel good.

[skillefer]

Yes...I think we all have. For me, it was boyfriends....adn if they didn't let up, then I ended up breaking up with them because they couldn't respect my space. Lucky for me, my hubby is concerned, but not that overly concerned.

[Meetz1064]

been there, done that. Then again, there's the other extreme, like some certain family members who just don't care, period.......

[Birdbomb]

I think a lot of the reactions like this are out of ignorance and fear. They really DON"T know and understand the fine art of seizing or just down right terrified you'll have one right in front of them and they'll freak.

If you've never seen what you look like in a seizure I suggest you visit www.youtube.com Several individuals have been gracious enough to share their seizures with the world.

It can be very frightening to watch someone you care about behave in an uncontrollable manner. My recently departed best friend was a brittle diabetic, his blood sugars would drop very quickly often resulting in many bazaar behavours. First aggression then stupor and if we couldn't get any food/sugars/glucose in him then a grand mal seizure like appearance. It was emotionally exhausting dealing with that.

Now David and his daughter had seen me have seizures and was cool about it, he would actually talk to me very calmly. My husband, on the other hand was a complete moron about it, he would very loudly ask (caplock for emphasses) "ARE YOU HAVING A SEIZURE?" Boy, is that fun when we're shopping, at Bingo or out to dinner. The epilepsy wasn't embarrassing, it was the "SUDDEN NEED TO LET EVERYONE KNOW WITHIN SHOUTING DISTANCE THAT I WAS HAVING A SEIZURE"

Sometimes if you open the door for frank and open discussions about epilepsy it does a world of good. I did this at work and was amazed at how many people really were very curious about it. But, alas, no matter how much information I presented to hubby, he just never got a clue.

[Annette]

My friend watches out for me but sometimes gets on my nerves because he babies me about my seizures. No matter how many times I tell him I'm gonna be fine It seems he doesn't get it. It really annoies me. I bet some of you have had the same experience Right?

Sure. My family is overprotective and I'm not 2 years old. It curtails me of my independence.

[Ruth]

Yes, Greg I have had the same experience. When I was growing up, my father and sister had epilepsy so no one paid any attention to it at all. My first bad seizure was in high schoo. Up until then, I only had absence seizures. My brother took me home. I was put in bed for 2 days. My family treated it like I had the flu.

When I am out shopping I can tell when a seizure is coming on. My husband just takes me home. Sometimes I get babied by my friends at the meetings. If I am having a lot of small seizures constantly, they ask me to stay home and listen to the meetings on the phone. There is another person at my meetings that has epilepsy. At the meeting she had a tonic clonic seizure. They asked her as well to stay at home and listen to the meetings. I think it is because they do not know what to do and ignorance. Her family is with her and they take care of her. I noticed that her family babies her. We have 2 extremes here.

[BuckeyeFan]

Boy this is a really tough balance for our friends. It has to be hard for them to be caring, yet not overbearing. That is not an easy lesson to learn. The important thing is if their heart and intentions are in the right place. By talking to them and educating them more about your situation, you may be able to alter their behaviour some.

In my opinion, I would much rather have that overbearing friend than to not have anyone at all, which unfortunately is the case for many with E.

Good Luck

[Ann T.]

Greg:

Hi. I echo Buckeye's sentiments. Bless the friends that you have, Greg, because even though they may be annoying you, they truly do mean well. As I see it, your friends are putting your needs first.

[Ruth]

Hi BuckeyeFan

[danjor]

I agree with buckeyefan. Overbearing people are much better than those who could care less

[Ruth]

That is true, but I agree that there needs to be a balance. A balance is hard to get. We do need our space.

[Crystal11]

I sometimes have trouble with family and friends trying to protect me or help out too much. They mean well but sometimes you have to let them know that you're okay, or you're fine and will ask for help when you need it. I like to give a little speech to people about my epilepsy if I fell its necessary which I didnt to staff at my internship site as well as with my sign language interpreters and sighted guides who have helped me.
With any disability or condition you might get people who overprotect or people who don't care which both can be dangerous situations. Usually if you talk to them first about it, it all goes well. I have blindness and deafness as well as complex partial seizures and sometimes its hard to tell if I just didn't hear you right or if a seizure is starting up. My best friend Rachel has epilepsy herself and she knows what to look for, how to check for understanding relating to hearing loss, and understands how to let us do the best we can and be independent. It is really nice to find someone like that. My twin also have the same disabilities as me and I'm able to get an understanding of how people "deal", if you will, with our conditions and how it can effect our relationships or everyday doings.
I am thankful for family and friends who understand and are willing to let us be as independent as possible. I know for some, its much harder of a situation.

Everyone take care and be safe..
Crystal and her guide dog Umbro (Barks)

[bunnilovepickle]

I gotta say, in terms of who I'm around while I'm seizing I'm pretty lucky. I gots this beautiful boyfriend, who seems to know exatly what to do. He's 6'5 so he has no problem picking up my 5'1 butt when somethng's gonna happen. lol. He always jokes around with me and he's been around people with seizures plenty before me and well, he's just perfect. And now I'm just gonna start going into a completely different story if I don't shut up. lol, sorry.
My mom smothers me and kinda freaks me out, qol. I know she's just showing concern, she just kinda can't handle it. It's just not as bad as she thinks it is. But I love her for trying.

[paradise survivor]

I have had seizures for about 12 years now but my husband still gets that uh oh in his voice if he calls me and I don't respond right away. As for my friends, they tend to see it comming even before I feel it and will give me "cover" to escape the public or will just let me know if I am nt in a public setting. As for others...well we all have our plythe in life, I got bigger fish to fry

[Ruth]

Hi paradise survivor,

Sometimes, my husband sees mine coming. If I am in the house, he has me sit down in my chair that has two large comfortable sides. He also puts a blanket on me, so I do not get cold.