I'll just post the stuff I wrote in my profile here, fill in the rest as necessary... I'd do it now but I just had a wicked grand-mal about two hours ago. Call me Michael, I'm craptastic, single, I'm growing my hair out to donate it, shockingly it isn't grey based upon the hell I've endured. I have a degree, no life, no friends, no girl, no hope, no future. I think about suicide more than anything else in my world, immediately followed up by how far and how fast I've fallen.
I began having seizures at age 25 (I'll be 35 in Sept), had my first one at work, amidst a potent scent of formaldehyde from some new desks in a school I was doing IT in. First seizure doc said everybody is entitled to a single seizure, gave me dilantin. I took it, had my next seizure a few days later, while driving in the car, launched the car off a bridge into a river at speed, spent two weeks in ER.
I began having seizures, the grand-mal variety, about once every six months. Just long enough to lull me into a false sense of security, get my driver's license back, just in time to crash another car. I crashed four in total. Irresponsible I know, but after the first car accident my employer labeled me a liability (even though I could have worked out of the office) and offered to provide me two months of medical insurance and pay, provided I sign an agreement to never reveal the terms I was dismissed under... I didn't sign. But at the same time, to show my dedication to this company, I had months prior purchased a house in the town the company was in, and now I was stuck with a mortgage and utilities and many other things I could not afford.
So combined with the bills, and swollen gums thanks to the dilantin (not to mention $1200 in dental work as the dilantin rotted the teeth out of my skull), and the frequency of my seizures increasing, I went to another seizure doc. I've seen six or seven in total, had countless MRIs, EEGs, a Tesla-3 MRI, as well as three hospital observations. As of 2010 I had a temporal lobectemy (as I failed dilantin and lamictal, they removed a large part of my speech center, but I don't have a dominant hemisphere in my skull so I can still speak normally), seizures went away for about a year, then they came back. Once again they're becoming frequent again.
Throughout all this, an old employer was giving me work here and there, that's gone now, he replaced me as I'm not worth the effort... as I've repeatedly learned in this world. And throughout all this, got dumped by a girlfriend, then and a fiance, and all of my friends from college. My life has been rendered nothing more than an empty, meaningless existence.
It might be possible my seizures came from the verbal and physical violence I experienced/witnessed on a near constant basis by my father when I was growing up, I don't know. I can't even go to a therapist, as my parents are a bit narcissistic, and if I was to reveal the events that occurred when I was young, my father would deny it all at a minimum, and freak out more than likely and throw everything he's done for me back in my face, as he does quite often. And yes, I'm back to living with them, as I can only afford my mortgage if I don't live in my house.
But then for over a year prior to the start of the seizures, I took hydroxycut, and each time I got a feeling that was quite similar to the auras I'm now more than acclimated to. So maybe it was that, I don't know, all I know is that I'm broken.
And my house flooded four months ago, and that's another titanic dose of drama my world can't handle.
I began having seizures at age 25 (I'll be 35 in Sept), had my first one at work, amidst a potent scent of formaldehyde from some new desks in a school I was doing IT in. First seizure doc said everybody is entitled to a single seizure, gave me dilantin. I took it, had my next seizure a few days later, while driving in the car, launched the car off a bridge into a river at speed, spent two weeks in ER.
I began having seizures, the grand-mal variety, about once every six months. Just long enough to lull me into a false sense of security, get my driver's license back, just in time to crash another car. I crashed four in total. Irresponsible I know, but after the first car accident my employer labeled me a liability (even though I could have worked out of the office) and offered to provide me two months of medical insurance and pay, provided I sign an agreement to never reveal the terms I was dismissed under... I didn't sign. But at the same time, to show my dedication to this company, I had months prior purchased a house in the town the company was in, and now I was stuck with a mortgage and utilities and many other things I could not afford.
So combined with the bills, and swollen gums thanks to the dilantin (not to mention $1200 in dental work as the dilantin rotted the teeth out of my skull), and the frequency of my seizures increasing, I went to another seizure doc. I've seen six or seven in total, had countless MRIs, EEGs, a Tesla-3 MRI, as well as three hospital observations. As of 2010 I had a temporal lobectemy (as I failed dilantin and lamictal, they removed a large part of my speech center, but I don't have a dominant hemisphere in my skull so I can still speak normally), seizures went away for about a year, then they came back. Once again they're becoming frequent again.
Throughout all this, an old employer was giving me work here and there, that's gone now, he replaced me as I'm not worth the effort... as I've repeatedly learned in this world. And throughout all this, got dumped by a girlfriend, then and a fiance, and all of my friends from college. My life has been rendered nothing more than an empty, meaningless existence.
It might be possible my seizures came from the verbal and physical violence I experienced/witnessed on a near constant basis by my father when I was growing up, I don't know. I can't even go to a therapist, as my parents are a bit narcissistic, and if I was to reveal the events that occurred when I was young, my father would deny it all at a minimum, and freak out more than likely and throw everything he's done for me back in my face, as he does quite often. And yes, I'm back to living with them, as I can only afford my mortgage if I don't live in my house.
But then for over a year prior to the start of the seizures, I took hydroxycut, and each time I got a feeling that was quite similar to the auras I'm now more than acclimated to. So maybe it was that, I don't know, all I know is that I'm broken.
And my house flooded four months ago, and that's another titanic dose of drama my world can't handle.
