Hi All... i need help (family history)

[brentmuller42]

Hi All...

I need to speak out and talk about what has been keeping sleepless for so many nights.

My father has epilepsy, my younger brother has epilepsy, and my younger sister also has epilepsy. I however don't and neither does my mother.

I am the oldest, and I have been married for some years now, and I have two children. Till this very day, my wife does not know that my father, and 2 only siblings have epilepsy.

When I married this medical condition was not prevalent so much but somehow known by all of us. Both of my siblings have absent siezures at some point when they were young and so has father, who has had very infrequent siezures. Therefore, and NOT out of ill intention, this medical condition was never spoken off or talked about. My mother is very strong willed person, and very defiant in how she has handled this condition for her husband and two children; always reassuring them to live happy normal lives without any disclosure to any family or friends. Somehow, I was programmed not to talk about or disclose it to anyone. All of my family, including myself didnt disclose this to anyone and therefore my wife was never informed....Again not out any ill intention but maybe because of pride.

After many years of marriage, I have 2 children with my wife, and I am afraid that she comes to know of my family's condition, she will react in a very negative manner, by leaving me and taking the kids. She is that type! What are the chances that it will be inherited? How will she react?

Bother of my siblings wife/husband obviously know their respective conditions and even know my about fathers. My wife only does not know.

I am so worried and depressed, please I need your guidance. Do I continue living like this, and hope that she never has to know or do I just tell!!! I don't know??????????????????????????????????????????

Brent

[Nakamova]

Hi Brent, welcome to CWE!

The questions you raise are tough ones to answer. While there can be a genetic component to epilepsy, it's unclear how that plays out. The genes may create a predisposition to epilepsy (a lowered seizure threshold), but there may also be an environmental component or stimulus that pushes someone over that threshold. So calculating the odds with your kids is very tough. If they do start showing signs, at least you'll know how to recognize them.

But I think your main question is how -- or whether -- to tell your wife. To be blunt, if she would leave you and take the kids just because you revealed your family health history, your relationship may have other issues. I think you might benefit from talking to a counselor/therapist on how best to approach this. I hope you and your wife can finds some way to to accept your family history and move on.

Best,
Nakamova

[brentmuller42]

Hi Nakamova,

Thanks for your advise. I really appreciate it.

I am not sure of what to do? All of what you said is true and I must be considered and done! Me and my wife have had issues that still prevail and threaten long jeopardy.

All my family don't want this to be disclosed to my wife or anyone for that matter. They feel that she doesnt have the right to know since I am her husband and I dont have the condition. I appreciate and respect their privacy and I only wish to move on without this huge burden on me. Its really frustrating and demoralizing. I cant tell her! She just would not understand!!

Is their any genetic testing I can do to see if I am a carrier of the e gene?

Brent

[jyearta]

Hi All...


When I married this medical condition was not prevalent so much but somehow known by all of us. Both of my siblings have absent siezures at some point when they were young and so has father, who has had very infrequent siezures. Therefore, and NOT out of ill intention, this medical condition was never spoken off or talked about. My mother is very strong willed person, and very defiant in how she has handled this condition for her husband and two children;

Brent

Hi Brent, and welcome to this forum.

As I read your post it ALMOST sounded like I was reading my.

I was not diagnosed with E. until I was 19 years --several days after I was married-- I am 59 years old now.

As a child there was this unspoken LAW of my mothers to not talk about what was wrong with me. So needless to say I was not taken to a Dr. for this. My mother would put me in a closet, while yelling at me to stop.

I know my mother knew something was wrong, I over heard her telling my Dad that I needed to be placed in a home of some kind.

When my husband saw me have a gran mal seizure--he got me to the Dr. the next day. When the diagnoses came, my mother was so mad at me and even more so at my husband because she had to HOW face my E.
My husband went to my patent house, and told them that Yes I had E., but that they had better not say anything to me in the way of putting me down.

No one else in my family history had Epilepsy that I'm aware of.

I guess what I'm trying to say that you are not alone in the fact of coming from a family that didn't know how to deal with E.

I do think what Nak. said was right about your wife.

I so hope and PRAY that you will find a way to tell her.

I say this because of all the years I was having seizures and having to hide.

[Cint]

I, too agree with Nakamova. IMO, for the safety and future of your own children's health sake, I think your wife needs to know about your family's health history, including seizures. Epilepsy is a brain disorder, nothing to be ashamed of, so it needs to be known about. I suggest you two go to a counselor to help in doing so.

I was not diagnosed with E. until I was 19 years --several days after I was married-- I am 59 years old now.

As a child there was this unspoken LAW of my mothers to not talk about what was wrong with me. So needless to say I was not taken to a Dr. for this. My mother would put me in a closet, while yelling at me to stop.

I know my mother knew something was wrong, I over heard her telling my Dad that I needed to be placed in a home of some kind.

When my husband saw me have a gran mal seizure--he got me to the Dr. the next day. When the diagnoses came, my mother was so mad at me and even more so at my husband because she had to HOW face my E.
My husband went to my patent house, and told them that Yes I had E., but that they had better not say anything to me in the way of putting me down.

No one else in my family history had Epilepsy that I'm aware of.

I say this because of all the years I was having seizures and having to hide.

Epilepsy is NOT something to be ashamed of or hide because of other's opinions. C'mon now, this is 2012!! Epilepsy is a brain disorder. I told both my children when growing up, since they witnessed many complex partial and tonic clonic seizures. My son had a bad case of asthma and I have epielspy, so I told them both are different health conditions that are dealt with in different ways. Anyone can develop them any time. None of us are gods, therefore we are not immune. And I was 22 years old when I suffered my 1st tonic clonic seizure. No one in my family has seizures, either. Plus I suffered severe burns, due to the seizure in the shower. No warning. So it IS time to "step out of the closet" with epilepsy.

[tinathesingergirl]

I too agree with Nakamova there are dpper issues at hand here that might need to be addressed by a thearapist. But I do think that at some point your wife does need to be informed if it becomes an issue in your immediate family circle (your wife or children) not your brothers/sister/father etc... When you become married you become one flesh as the bible states I beleive. You leave one house hold and form another one So your rules apply then I think. Now I am not saying that your mother's or your wifes opinion does not matter they do!.... please do not take me wrong on this point but what i am saying is that it is matter of being informed for saftety's sake and what is best for everyone involved. If there is some genetic testing available I would say get it and rule it out if your insurance can cover it more power to you.

Tina

[jyearta]

I, too agree with Nakamova. IMO, for the safety and future of your own children's health sake, I think your wife needs to know about your family's health history, including seizures. Epilepsy is a brain disorder, nothing to be ashamed of, so it needs to be known about. I suggest you two go to a counselor to help in doing so.




Epilepsy is NOT something to be ashamed of or hide because of other's opinions. C'mon now, this is 2012!! Epilepsy is a brain disorder. I told both my children when growing up, since they witnessed many complex partial and tonic clonic seizures. My son had a bad case of asthma and I have epielspy, so I told them both are different health conditions that are dealt with in different ways. Anyone can develop them any time. None of us are gods, therefore we are not immune. And I was 22 years old when I suffered my 1st tonic clonic seizure. No one in my family has seizures, either. Plus I suffered severe burns, due to the seizure in the shower. No warning. So it IS time to "step out of the closet" with epilepsy.

I guess I don't explain myself well...In my post above, I was hiding from my mother, I didn't have the words to talk to her, nor did I know how to go about it.--being that that was my mother.
I have shared my E. with diff. friends co-workers in my life, when I had a seizure.
I told friends etc that having a seizure disorder is like any other disorder.