I want to marry a guy with epilepsy

[tini]

Hi. I have joined this forum because of my boy friend. He has epilepsy since last 20 years. He is taking anti-epileptic drugs since then and it has been 8 years that he has not had any episode. We are planning to get married. Since we have no directions how to foresee future, we are seeking guidance. Kindly share your experiences on marriage. Thanks.

[borgolibero]

Well, I was the epileptic one... my wedding faild and my wife tell the judge I was dangerous for my child, that was not true, and judge ask a CTU , a doctor had to certify the status of my illness.

My wife did know I was epileptic, of course, so please, decide now what you want clearly.

[alivenwell]

That's a tough question. It sounds like he is fairly healthy with regards to epilepsy from your description. Some people can lead very normal lives with epilepsy.

Let's take the worst case scenario. If he did have a seizure, how would you respond to it? Would you be able to drive him around in a car until he was well again? If he became unemployed because of discrimination, would you be able to deal with the loss of income? Would you be willing to live near public transportation?

On the other hand, he's probably extra sensitive to a situation where you might not be well. It could be mutually beneficial.

[Lil 1]

Are you asking if you should get married? I think you only know that answer.

I have epilepsy and I got married less than 2 months ago after dating for almost 5 years. For us whether or not to get married was not a question. Epilepsy is a tiny part of who I am and he loves me with or without it. We approach my epilepsy and drugs just like we approach any other problem we encounter. My husband is the only person who has ever seen me have a seizure (good/bad timing) and he is amazing at helping me look for solutions instead of feeling sorry for myself. Of course I can only tell you about how we got to being married - I can't tell you about 40 years from now - if it doesn't work I doubt it will be because of epilepsy (maybe there just won't be enough room for my shoes and him and I will have to decide? just kidding).

[drarvindr]

I've been dating a girl for the past 4 years and thus far there have been no problems due to the epilepsy. As far as marriage is concerned , with lil1. You need to take this decision. There are two schools of thought. You can either:
a) Keep what-iffing about every eventuality Epilepsy will throw your way and wonder and wonder.... or
b) You can take a decision now , one that can either make you happy or miserable.
I feel that taking a path is better than standing at the fork and missing the bus anyway. But that's my
What will happen 20-30 years hence is not something we can divine. The real question you need to ask yourself is " do i feel being with him will make me happy?. Are the good moments amazing enough to make slogging through the bad moments worth it?". If the answer is yes , then epilepsy shouldn't matter. There are people who have been made both exceedingly happy and unbelievably miserable by marrying epileptics. It is really irrelevant in my opinion what has happened to others. All the chances you take in life are 50:50 , no matter how many other people's experiences you hear.

I wish you all happiness , whatever you decide.

[Bernard]

My wife has epilepsy. We've been through some great and some terrible times with her seizure activity.

It's just something that one has to accept when making a commitment. Not everyone has big enough shoulders to bear it.

BTW, if he's been seizure free for 8 years, the odds are in his favor for continued seizure control. But if you aren't ready, willing and able to be there for him if things change, you should consider being honest and upfront with him about it.

[skillefer]

HI tini! Welcome to CWE. I'm the one with epilepsy in my marriage. I guess my advice to you would be to go to your boyfriends next neurologist appointment. Ask the doc all the questions you can think of.

While I do agree with Lil1 that this is a decision only you can make, I also think that this is something you have to be completely honest about. Talk about it with him. While it's great that he seems to have great seizure, you have to be realistic and consider possibilities. What happens if he has a seizure and his driver's license is revoked? Will you be driving him to work? You have to be just as honest with medical issues as you are with things like finances....for example, being honest about all debts before getting married, and being honest about whether you are a saver or a spender....these things all impact a marriage. Being honest with each other and just sitting and talking about all the areas that will be effected by marriage are my best advice to you.

[tini]

Thank you so much for the replies.

He is going to get his new EEG done next week and will be discussing marriage related questions with his neurologist. we have decided to take N number of opinions by different neurologists before we actually go ahead. He is more concerned about me.

Would like to ask, can 8 years of seziure free life be an indicative of relaxed life ahead or epliepsy is completely unpredictable?

[Belinda5000]

my husband has Epilepsy he has also been controlled since 1972, when he had since surgery and had hasn't had a full blown seizure since 1972 he just has auras and takes meds to control them.
Belinda

[borgolibero]

You seems too much scared about epilepsy now. There are many things, somebody have a full normal quite life, somebody else may experience some problems, like everybody in life. It depends on what you want, on ''how deep is your love'' (beautifull song).. but please consider also that if you have to make a choice you must make the choice now, a part from epilepsy. A marriage is a serious thing, is a project, a contract, not only a white wedding, flowers and a good looking man.

[ziggidypoo]

"C'est la vie" - "Live and let live" - I better stay out of this one, I wrote my Mama-mia thoughts and the power went off before I could click save!! Only one point that a good preacher friend said - "when you don't know what to do - stand - don't make any move in any direction"

[RobinN]

Just know, there most likely will be many things, far greater than E that you will have to deal with in marriage. Sometimes they will hit you all at once too. Occasionally it will be the little things that bring you to your knees. The rough road will most likely bring you closer together IMO

Best to be prepared for the highs and the lows.

[alivenwell]

True love knows no boundaries. I dealt with a few who couldn't handle epilepsy. I dumped a few guys by telling them about epilepsy. My husband stayed around.

It can be a tough road. Then again, he may be your perfect match with or without epilepsy and if so, you'd not want to pass that one up.

[skillefer]

I find epilepsy unpredictable. I was seizure free for close to 20years. Then, the year after I got married, they started up again. Now I'm pregnant and in the process of changing meds.

[speber]

....my wife Renee wouldn't say it's been easy....but I'm pretty sure she'll keep me?
.......

............Renee?........

................REN????!!?!?!?!?!?!

Just kidding, she's still here.....(I think?)

Best Wishes,
Speber

[BuckeyeFan]

I am 47 with E since I was 20. My wife and I were already married when my E started, so she did not have much of a choice in the matter. The main point though is that she has stuck by me and actually saved my life twice (see Heroes thread). We are pretty open after all these years and I don't think that there has ever been a time that she considered leaving because of the E. We have had plenty of other problems that challenged our marriage, but I would have to say E is pretty far down the list.

Definitely consider whether you can deal with the possibilities of E, but don't let it be your main focus to the point you look past all of the other issues of sharing your life with another.

Also, don't ever think that life will stay the same in the future. Every marriage has new unexpected challenges that no one sees coming. My wife didn't expect me to have seizures, but she didn't expect me to volunteer as an EMT for 20 years and disrupt our lives whenever the pager beeped. I didn't expect many changes in her either that were not what I planned, however marriage is about living together and all our lives are ongoing, not static points in time.

Best wishes for you and your beau and welcome to CWE.

[Belinda5000]

My husband knew all about my E before we married.
We've been married more 15 years,he's stuck by me through thick and thin.
I've ask him why he stays by , and hasn't left me,because of my seizures with my seizures he says heloves me.I can't help my seizures.
He gets aggravated at the docs.
Belinda

[brain]

Tini

I was born with Epilepsy, and was married for
nearly 24 years before the divorce came to being
which was unfortunate. I've been divorced for
quite awhile now, and I do have a son who's
engaged, who is 24. So we've been through it
all. So sure, if you have a great friendship, and
have a lot in common, and hold each other dearly
as well as loving each other - WHY NOT?

Who says you can't and what is stopping you
or holding you down?

Life is short - ENJOY IT!

[joan]

Both my kids have E. I hope they marry some day. But Id also hope someone would love them for who they are as a person and not be distracted by what life can throw in the way. With or without E, no one knows what the future may bring. I think you go into marriage, eyes wide open, and you just decide to dig in and face what comes at you as a team. That includes good and bad. I think you need to look within yourself to see if you have that type of commitment to him as neither of you deserve any less.
My sons dating a girl he knows from High School. They get along well and seem to have some fun. She does know about his E and so far hasnt been an issue. They are also only 19 lol..
Good luck and I wish you well.
joan*

[ziggidypoo]

First, nobody should be alone.
Second, if he loves you, REALLY loves you E will just be a tiny part of your "you" - it is NOT who you are, just a wee little bug like thing you have that pops its head up now and then like allergies, just a bit more dramatically.
Third, everyone gets lonely so if you toss this one away, another will come and then are you gonna spend the rest of your life tossing and fighting off all the possibilities that will come.
Fourth, WHAT DOES HE SAY ABOUT IT?
Fifth, TALK with HIM about your fears - communication is one of THE biggest factors in a successful relationship
Sixth, Do you laugh together? Do you realize that men aren't of the same mentality of women? Seriously, a man is not usually as expressive as a woman or demonstrative in their feelings, men just aren't women.
Seven, Blessing to you both as you make your decisions.

Please forgive me for butting in - it is YOUR decision - not ours (but you asked... )