i'm weird, i'm special and i wish i could find one other person nearby who was too

[crashbang]

I think I just need to get this out.
I am not one to feel lonely. I have always felt fine on my own, have plenty to do to keep me occupied, and my mind is a vast ocean of thoughts.

However one area I feel very lonely..the only area is my sensory/sleep disorders/possible epilepsy.

Quick run down:

-Had Aura's and what I think were two different kinds of epilepsy as a kid.
Stopped around the age of 20.

-can lucid dream

-sleep paralysis

-anxiety

-add

-one drop seizure as an infant

More importantly, and please do not take this as being conceeded. I just feel special. Like I live on a different plane of existance than others.
I feel aware. I do not mean aware because of aura's (or perhaps that's it).
I just feel aware of vibrations people give off, when the atmosphere of a room has changed, ect. I feel emotions very strongly and often wonder why others seem so detached..from themselves and theirs environments.

I started taking wellbutrin last year..now i cannot attribute it directly to the drug, but two months later I had what I think was a temporal lobe seizure. I had not had one since the age of 20ish and 10 years later I have another.
A few weeks later I go into a heightened state and become super creative. Drawing, music, writing..you name it. I felt super high, euphoric..

It has since simmered down. I know this sounds like mania. But I do not feel it is. My psych Dr. agrees and thinks I should get to a neurologist (stupid hoops we have to jump through to get adequate healthcare is ridiculous)

I guess the point of my little story/rant is I wish there was another person who was physically here..not in cyber space to befriend. To share my weird experiences, and I have had many (phantom sounds, sensitivity to sound frequencies, tmj causing dizziness)

Lastly..having sleep paralysis has been annoying but something I could deal with. Until recently. This last episode was downright scary. I do not typically feel the "presence" a lot of people describe. But this time I did.
Felt Like I was being pulled off my bed, heard footsteps, felt something in my room. Couldn't move, like I was stuck in a repeditive dream..however all the time self aware and awake. It was not a ghost however.. I knew it wasn't real..except the footsteps sounded real.I wonder if this episode was a seizure..as my previous ones involved my room walls moving in and out on me, time being off..shrinking into bed feeling and trance state.
the bed sliding feeling..like someone pulling the sheets and you down the bed. Wonder if that can be attributed to seizure activity.

Maybe this re-occurance is all stress induced recently..taking klonopins.

bah..where are you other super special weirdo like me : )
please find me promptly.

[Meetz1064]

Crashbang, how's it going?? It's nice to meet you! Welcome to CWE!!

There is tons of information here, friends to make and nooks and crannies to explore. The Kitchen and Library are great for the information, and the Padded Room is great for venting. Mr B, our host, has built us an AWESOME home here.

I just wanted to let you know that what you're speaking of sounds like Temporal Lobe Epilepsy. Check out this link....it leads to some other threads within the forum that talk about temporal lobe epilepsy.

Temporal Lobe Epilepsy Threads

You really need to get an EEG that lasts at LEAST 24 to 48 hours to ensure that any activity is caught...especially if it's going on during your sleep, too. Because an EEG is literally a "snapshot in time" it only takes a picture of what's going on in your head AT THAT POINT IN TIME. Not anything earlier...or predict anything for later, JUST THAT POINT IN TIME.

Please know that we will be here for you, no matter what.

Take care!

Meetz

[Nakamova]

Hey Crashbang, welcome!

There are epilepsy support groups in the Boston area -- you might consider joining one of them, and perhaps finding someone with temporal lobe epilepsy who has had similar sensations.

It's a good idea to keep a seizure diary, both to provide a neurologist with info once you get an appointment, and to try and find potential seizure triggers as well. Physiological and psychological stress can play a role, so it's worth tracking sleep, mood, diet, nutrition, metabolism, activity, etc. to see if you can eliminate anything that may contribute to the seizures. If insomnia is an issue there are things you can try to help with sleep (in addition to the klonopin of course).

Best,
Nakamova

[KelVarQ]

Hi Crashbang,

I'm going to agree with Meetz here in that you have Temp. Lobe Epilepsy. I have it too and I can relate to many things you stated. I also had sleep paralysis as a teen (prior to E) and keep in mind your experiences are neurological, although real "experiences" for you, and due to the E seems out of the ordinary to others, which sometimes makes it hard to connect on those deep emotional levels that those with temp. lobe experience. This can sometimes make us believe we really are truly special (which we are : ) but it helps, at least for me, to remind myself that's it's neurological because there were times in my life with E that I experienced certain euphorias that were AMAZING and found myself looking at others like they just didn't get life and WOW were they missing out! Like you, everyone seemed detached and I was like flying and seeing things so crystal clear. Yes, it can get lonely up there because no one got it and I did, but did I or was it merely neurological?

Today, I keep things in perspective although I still enjoy those experiences when they come around but again, I know it's neurological and I don't judge it or attach myself to the emotion because emotions are fleeting, but nevertheless at least it's one of the bright sides of having E. So ENJOY the experiences, but I do agree again with Meetz that you should set up an EEG for yourself.

[Bernard]

Hi crashbang, welcome to the forum.

Cyberspace may the medium here at CWE, but I can assure you that there are real people behind the usernames. Welcome to our dinner party.

[gigi]

greetings crashbang:

Sounds like a good evaluation is in order. Have had epilepsy for over 40 years. The dark ages were not fun for me because of the undiagnosed seizures, and people thinking I WAS special. This is a wonderful site which I feel you will find useful at the very least, and highly comforting. I had a therapist tell me that I am a HSP (highly sensitive person). I think that is some what related to the E. Stress ads to the mix making me more highly sensitive. I have had auras that change my whole perspective of my world. I think it is another aspect of the sensitive brain.
Welcome to CWE -

gigi

[Z J]

Howdy there, crashbang,
I consider each one of us special because God made us that way, even more so for each case of epilepsy is unique. No two cases are alike. It sounds like you need a video EEG (Video Electro Encephrologram). That's as close as I come to spelling it correctly. I can't tell you how many times I've had one (maybe 6x or 7) That will greatly assist your neurologist in diagnosing your problem. As for me, I have a distinguished career of 7 yrs and nigh on 6400 uncontrolled seizeures so don't feel bad, join the family!

[Cinnabar]

Hey there, crashbag. From one weird, special person to another... Temporal Lobe Epilepsy is one of the most "mystical" forms of Epilepsy and I relate to much of what you say. But first I will tell you that Temporal Lobe Epilespy is connected to Bi-Polar and Dissociatve Disorders, both of which you seem to describe. It's a conundrum in the research field but given much credance. I've known for years that I have Bi-Polar Disorder (stabalized for a decade) and a Dissociative Disorder which you describe..."like living on a different plane than others" etc. The latter two disorders are tied in with Temporal Lobe Epilepsy but because there is no disernable evidence, I choose to accept each disorder, as just that, "each".

You mentioned Wellbutrin. Stay away from it. It can further induce seizures. My doc finally found a med to substitute for it.

Though your doctor passes on your highs, euphoria and creative bursts as not being attributed to Bi-Polar activity, I would suggest you consider a medication which works double duty for Bi-Polar and Epilespy. "Lamictal" has done wonders for me...and I'm still able to "create" as a writer and illustrator.

Feel free to PM me anytime you want to talk. And do check out The Kitchen. Welcome to the crowd!