my partner has epilepsy i want to understand better

[robertworley28]

Hi my name is robert my partner has epilepsy and I want to have a better understading of how it is living with epilepsy I feel the more I know the better support I can be I love my partner very much in love with in fact but am confused sometimes on how my partner reacts to me I only want to help but its hard when you don't really know where they are mentally with epilepsy some one or all please help

[epileric]

Speaking from my own experience as someone who has epilepsy I know I have a lot of friends that do worry about me. What I find bothersome is when someone gives me too much sympathy. It's not unusual these days for me to have a seizure a day for a few days straight & I still can function quite normally but when I mentioned having a seizure one day to a friend she was extremely sympathetic. That bothered me because I don't feel I need sympathy & even though I know she is trying to be supportive it is not how I like to be treated.

Any more questions feel free to ask. I'm sure you'll get a lot of viewpoints here. Also check your private messages (at the top right of the page below your name). I sent you a couple.

[robertworley28]

Your very right but there's a diff in sympanthy and compassion I only want to be supportive not pamper but not dealing with the same thing as my partner its hard to understand sometimes

[epileric]

Personally I think that differs from person to person. We can only say how each of us would like people to react or treat us. Have you tried to discuss this with your partner?

[robertworley28]

Yes we are open with conversation amd my partner we will call m like yourselk don't want a over reaction but I feel I need to do something other than ignore the epilepsy a random hug or kiss holding of hand is a bit uncomfortable at times for my partner I think its a way to say iam here and love but m ses it as smoothering a bit your suggestion

[epileric]

During some of my larger seizures I don't convulse but my head will be jerked to the right side. I don't usually remember it happening so to me there's no reason to react. The best reaction I got from someone was when she ignored it. She wasn't intimidated by it, just knew it was another seizure, that I might not be able to talk for a few minutes & then all will be normal. To me giving the seizure attention prevents me from being as "normal" as I'd like & takes attention away from what I might want to be doing, or talking about.

I know it might look awful & it's reflexive to react protectively but you have to realize that being the one having the seizure I don't feel that & often I don't even remember it. I just want to get on with life & not focus on or worry about it any more than need be.

[robertworley28]

We try to do that but effects daily life so much we know its part in our lifes our relationship is wonderful but some deprression is also a factor and iam not sure how to react again to me when I have a bad day for my parter to cuddle me hold my hand and its ok I love you I am in another world instantly but m finds that smoothering at times I just don't want him to feel abandoned by me in any way so at that confuesed again not knowing where m is mentally with all that he taking in

[epileric]

Oh yes... I do feel similar after a seizure. I get highly emotional & moody, Often I get emotionally oversensitive. That's when I like to be left alone too. It's like that woman that just ignored it & if she didn't know what I wanted would just ask. We weren't in a relationship but I found her very attractive partly because that's how she treated & reacted to me. I hope this helps you out.

[robertworley28]

Yes but what I need to know as well my partner says wants things as normal as poss but my normal and his are diff I don't have epilepsy and really want to try to understan the emotions he is having and not sometimes take them personal

[epileric]

OMIGOD..... I don't understand my emotions after a seizure, I just know I'm moody lol. I guess that makes it hard for me to explain someone elses. I honestly believe that he'd be much better at explaining it or that you'd learn more by discussing or observing what he considers "normal" compared to what you consider normal.

Hopefully more people will post in this thread with more input & different perspectives. We do have lots of parents, partners, friends & relatives of those with epilepsy on this site.

Meanwhile have you looked around the site & read some of the experiences (probably in the kitchen or padded room) ? Maybe some of them will make something click that will help explain what you're looking for.

[robertworley28]

Ok thanks will try that thank u again for all your help