Seeking advice on how to help a depressive epileptic ex-girlfriend

[needsomeadvice]

Hi,

I am seeking advice on how to help my ex-girlfriend handle her epilepsy and depression.

We met in August 2010 and were teaching overseas. At the time, she didn’t know that she had epilepsy because it had never manifested. During the fall, she began to have very minor seizures, but neither of us knew what they were. She went to doctors in the country that we were living in, but none of the doctors could give her an answer as to what was going on.

In February 2011, she had a serious panic attack because of the seizures, so we flew back to the US in order for her to see US doctors. Initially, the doctors believed that everything was anxiety and panic, so they gave her medicine accordingly. However, one of the medicines is not to be taken by epileptics and caused her to have a grand mal seizure. After which she was diagnosed as having epilepsy. The doctors discovered that she has a lesion in her brain which is causing everything. However, none of the medicine that she has been prescribed has been able to control her seizures. They have minimalized them, but they still frequently occur.

During this time, I had to return to where we had been teaching, but in August, I returned to the US and we moved in together while we finished our graduate study. We didn’t live in her hometown, so she would have to return home occasionally for doctor’s visits. All of this was difficult for the both of us, but we were able to work through it. However, in October, she returned home and the doctors believing that she was bipolar prescribed her medicine accordingly. Unfortunately, the medicine did not agree with her and sent her into a state of mania. When she got back to where we are attending school, she could not handle herself, and the doctors ordered her to come back to be under observation.

She was admitted to the hospital and believing that she was suicidal the doctors placed her in the psychiatric ward. She had been assaulted before and during this time in the hospital she felt as though she was constantly reliving the experience. Also, during this time in the hospital, the doctors informed her that due to the location of the lesion, it is inoperable.

When she was released from the hospital at the end of November, she decided that she no longer wanted us to be together. She said that she wanted space to deal with everything, which I gave her and only talked to her to see how she was doing because she was still in and out of the hospital for other observations.

Recently, she has told me that other issues have arisen. She said that when she was released from the hospital at the end of November, she gave up because that she believed no one could help her. Since then she has began to drink heavily and use marijuana. Last week, she was admitted to the hospital after drinking so heavily that she lost consciousness, stopped breathing, and was mugged. She has acknowledged that she has put herself into a bad situation and says that she wants to get out of it. She has started seeking help for the substance abuse and does have supportive parents who are helping her.

I want to be able to help her but am having difficulty because she is indecisive about what she wants us to be.

Thank you.