hi, I'm new here. I'm 28, female, was diagnosed with TLE a few years ago but the symptoms started in high school.
i came to see my illness as a function of different factors that affect the threshold for seizures. and I'm constantly living trying to keep this threshold as high as possible by controlling my diet, sleep schedule, and trying to relax whenever i have a chance. but still there's a lot of stress in life, and sometimes i would still have simple and complex partial seizures. socially-wise the worst is what i call "attacks". it feels like a panic attack, accompanied with weakening of the consciousness, sense of everything being unreal, fast breathing (which feels like rhythmic convolutions in my diaphragm, and during one of the most severe attacks I've lost the breathing automatism for a couple of hours, and whenever i was not experiencing those diaphragm spasms i had to move my diaphragm in order to breath, and when i was forgetting about it, i was just stopping to breath), some strange spasm-like sensations in muscles, and screaming and crying that is very difficult to control. i never lose consciousness during the attacks (though i had 2 attacks triggered by aggressive stimuli that caused loss of consciousness), but i cannot do much about it, and when people see it it must look horrible.
so there are 2 things that most often become the "last drop" that cause the seizure, when other factors, like lack of sleep or stress have already lowered the threshold.
1) disturbing images, sharp objects, aggressive images, images of flesh being torn apart. i once had an attack watching the Pacific Rim in the cinema, at the scene where monsters were tearing each other apart. and often an attack is triggered by seeing a sharp object. i normally have a short mental image of this object piercing my eye, and then the attack comes.
2) relationships. i don't know why, but even the happiest relationships without any complications has always been aggravating the symptoms. i was always having more seizures and having them more severe when i was in a relationship. and the worst thing is that those people could feel it. that something in them was causing my becoming sick. the person i am in a relationship with now can feel it too, and though he doesn't leave me, like people did before, whenever my condition worsens he stops having sex with me. he thinks it worsens because of the growing deep attachment, that I cannot control this depth. and as you can imagine it only stresses me more, so i need even more power to get myself back to above the threshold.
so it's really a typical situation for me: he says something that makes me worried, then i see scissors, or forceps, or Eiffel tower shaped magnet, and then I have an attack.
does anyone have an experience of their seizures becoming a major factor in relationships? for a few years i was just living a "buddhist" life, keeping myself away from all attachments, but then love is such a strong positive feeling that i don't want to resist it. but it brings a lot of suffering.
actually, until last year i used to think that having attacks while you are thinking about your love interest was a normal thing, and i was always wondering why no one ever told me about that, why i never saw such turn of events in movies -- a girl meets a guy, comes home, sees sth sharp and then is having a panic attack like she's possessed, and I've been feeling it was strange that people were calling love the most positive feeling, because for me it was certainly addictive, but always associated with these attacks. so only last year i learned to control seizures better with the proper diet and sleeping schedule, and then for the first time in my life i had a period of being in love and not experiencing seizures associated with the person. but i still have them occasionally
i came to see my illness as a function of different factors that affect the threshold for seizures. and I'm constantly living trying to keep this threshold as high as possible by controlling my diet, sleep schedule, and trying to relax whenever i have a chance. but still there's a lot of stress in life, and sometimes i would still have simple and complex partial seizures. socially-wise the worst is what i call "attacks". it feels like a panic attack, accompanied with weakening of the consciousness, sense of everything being unreal, fast breathing (which feels like rhythmic convolutions in my diaphragm, and during one of the most severe attacks I've lost the breathing automatism for a couple of hours, and whenever i was not experiencing those diaphragm spasms i had to move my diaphragm in order to breath, and when i was forgetting about it, i was just stopping to breath), some strange spasm-like sensations in muscles, and screaming and crying that is very difficult to control. i never lose consciousness during the attacks (though i had 2 attacks triggered by aggressive stimuli that caused loss of consciousness), but i cannot do much about it, and when people see it it must look horrible.
so there are 2 things that most often become the "last drop" that cause the seizure, when other factors, like lack of sleep or stress have already lowered the threshold.
1) disturbing images, sharp objects, aggressive images, images of flesh being torn apart. i once had an attack watching the Pacific Rim in the cinema, at the scene where monsters were tearing each other apart. and often an attack is triggered by seeing a sharp object. i normally have a short mental image of this object piercing my eye, and then the attack comes.
2) relationships. i don't know why, but even the happiest relationships without any complications has always been aggravating the symptoms. i was always having more seizures and having them more severe when i was in a relationship. and the worst thing is that those people could feel it. that something in them was causing my becoming sick. the person i am in a relationship with now can feel it too, and though he doesn't leave me, like people did before, whenever my condition worsens he stops having sex with me. he thinks it worsens because of the growing deep attachment, that I cannot control this depth. and as you can imagine it only stresses me more, so i need even more power to get myself back to above the threshold.
so it's really a typical situation for me: he says something that makes me worried, then i see scissors, or forceps, or Eiffel tower shaped magnet, and then I have an attack.
does anyone have an experience of their seizures becoming a major factor in relationships? for a few years i was just living a "buddhist" life, keeping myself away from all attachments, but then love is such a strong positive feeling that i don't want to resist it. but it brings a lot of suffering.
actually, until last year i used to think that having attacks while you are thinking about your love interest was a normal thing, and i was always wondering why no one ever told me about that, why i never saw such turn of events in movies -- a girl meets a guy, comes home, sees sth sharp and then is having a panic attack like she's possessed, and I've been feeling it was strange that people were calling love the most positive feeling, because for me it was certainly addictive, but always associated with these attacks. so only last year i learned to control seizures better with the proper diet and sleeping schedule, and then for the first time in my life i had a period of being in love and not experiencing seizures associated with the person. but i still have them occasionally
