CQ's :)

[CQ:)]

Instead of starting new threads all the time with the funny & silly posts I thought I would have just one thread where I can put all the funny & silly things in.

So if you need cheering up or just want to have a laugh then just come have a look in here.

[CQ:)]

Most people have probably seen this but I think it is good & it always makes me laugh

How many dogs does it take to change a light bulb?

Golden Retriever: The sun is shining, the day is young, we've got our whole lives ahead of us, and you're inside worrying about a stupid burned out bulb?

Border Collie: Just one. And then I'll replace any wiring that's not up to code.

Dachshund: You know I can't reach that stupid lamp!

Rottweiler: Make me

Boxer: Who cares? I can still play with my squeaky toys in the dark.

Lab: Oh, me, me!!!!! Pleeeeeeeeeze let me change the light bulb! Can I? Can I? Huh? Huh? Huh? Can I? Pleeeeeeeeeze, please, please, please!

German Shepherd: I'll change it as soon as I've led these people from the dark, check to make sure I haven't missed any, and make just one more perimeter patrol to see that no one has tried to take advantage of the situation.

Jack Russell Terrier: I'll just pop it in while I'm bouncing off the walls and furniture.

Old English Sheep Dog: Light bulb? I'm sorry, but I don't see a light bulb!

Cocker Spaniel: Why change it? I can still pee on the carpet in the dark.

Chihuahua : Yo quiero Taco Bulb. Or 'We don't need no stinking light bulb.'

Greyhound: It isn't moving. Who cares?

Australian Shepherd: First, I'll put all the light bulbs in a little circle...

Poodle: I'll just blow in the Border Collie's ear and he'll do it.. By the time he finishes rewiring the house, my nails will be dry.



How many cats does it take to change a light bulb?

Cats do not change light bulbs. People change light bulbs. So, the real question is:
'How long will it be before I can expect some light, some dinner, and a massage?'


ALL OF WHICH PROVES, ONCE AGAIN, THAT WHILE DOGS HAVE MASTERS, CATS HAVE STAFF!

[CQ:)]

WHY GOD MADE PETS

They help out around the house...


They protect our children...


They look out for the smaller ones...


They show us how to relax...


They 'converse' with each other.


They help you when you're down...


They are great at decorating for the Holidays.


They have 'great' expectations.


They are happy to 'test' the water.


They love their 'teddies'


AND - They know when we need a good LAUGH!


HAVE YOU SMILED TODAY?????

It is done by moving the corners of the mouth upward.
LET ME SHOW YOU HOW.............

[Loopy Lou]

Haha i love the ones of the smiling animals, and the soggy kitty getting a bath

I needed a smile soooo much today

[Shelley]

Enjoy

[CQ:)]

Enjoy

I like that 1 Shelley

My computer wallpaper is usually either something funny, silly or pic of 1 of the furkids lol

[CQ:)]

This is how I heard YOUR day was going....

First you had trouble getting out of bed


You had a stiff neck


You washed your hair and couldn't do a thing with it


Your new diet really doesn't seem to be working out


You pulled a muscle when you tried to exercise


Your new hat looked better on you at the store


You keep losing things


You got caught in the rain at lunchtime


Then the lunch you had didn't seem to agree with you


You feel trapped


Uninvited guests showed up at dinnertime


On top of that you think you're coming down with the flu


And finally, you're alone in the house at night when you think you hear a noise in the basement


MAYBE TOMORROW WILL BE BETTER!!
Thought for the Day


Handle every stressful situation like a dog.
If you can't eat it or play with it,
Just pee on it and walk away.

************************************************** ********
RELAX!!!


TO ALL MY 'NUTTY' FRIENDS
Have a fabulous
STRESS FREE Day!

[CQ:)]

(Passing requires only 3 correct answers out of 10!)


Only total thicko's will fail!


1) How long did the Hundred Years' War last ?

2) Which country makes Panama hats ?

3) From which animal do we get cat gut ?

4) In which month do Russians celebrate the October Revolution ?

5) What is a camel's hair brush made of ?

6) The Canary Islands in the Pacific are named after what animal ?

7) What was King George VI's first name ?

What colour is a purple finch ?

9) Where are Chinese gooseberries from ?

10) What is the colour of the black box in a commercial airplane ?



Remember, you need only 3 correct answers to pass.
Check your answers below.


















































































ANSWERS


1) How long did the Hundred Years War last ? 116 years

2) Which country makes Panama hats ? Ecuador

3) From which animal do we get cat gut ? Sheep and Horses

4) In which month do Russians celebrate the October Revolution ? November

5) What is a camel's hair brush made of ? Squirrel fur

6) The Canary Islands in the Pacific are named after what animal ? Dogs

7) What was King George VI's first name ? Albert

What colour is a purple finch ? Crimson

9) Where are Chinese gooseberries from ? New Zealand

10) What is the colour of the black box in a commercial airplane ? Orange (of course!)


What do you mean, you failed?



(And if you try to tell me you passed, you lie!)

Pass this on to other people, see how they score!

[Shelley]

The obvious answers are not always the correct answer, just the easiest.

[Loopy Lou]

(Passing requires only 3 correct answers out of 10!)

(And if you try to tell me you passed, you lie!)

I'm pleased to say i passed Actually, i think i got 7 right. I got the cat gut, gooseberries and black box one wrong (i thought they were yellow lol)

Yay i feel clever!

[Shelley]

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/1901...red-faces.html

Makes you wonder what these guys were thinking.

[CQ:)]

I'm pleased to say i passed Actually, i think i got 7 right. I got the cat gut, gooseberries and black box one wrong (i thought they were yellow lol)

Yay i feel clever!

I knew the black box wasn't black but just couldn't remmeber what color it is lol.

With the other questions I knew their answers weren't wasn't as obvious as their titles but wasn't sure what the right answers were lol.

[CQ:)]

Ever have one of those days,
when something seems a bit "off"
but you just can't put your finger on it...



Or it seems like all the people around you
are grouchy and just want to butt heads...



Or just, get into some kind
of weird tug of war?



Sometimes, you just need to take a fresh
new look and get a different perspective on things.





Remember, to try your best
to show kindness to others...cuz
it just feels so good!



(Sometimes looking at things
from their perspective
might help.....)



So, when life gets you down...


Remember to just keep going,
and keep your head above water...



And you'll get by
with a little help
from your friends!



Have a nice day.
Go ahead make someone smile .

[CQ:)]

[CQ:)]

The 'Middle Wife' by an Anonymous 2nd grade teacher

I've been teaching now for about fifteen years. I have two kids myself,but the best birth story I know is the one I saw in my own second grade classroom a few years back.


When I was a kid, I loved show-and-tell. So I always have a few sessions with my students. It helps them get over shyness and usually, show-and-tell
is pretty tame. Kids bring in pet turtles, model airplanes, pictures of fish they
catch, stuff like that. And I never, ever place any boundaries or limitations on them. If they want to lug it in to school and talk about it, they're welcome.

Well, one day this little girl, Erica, a very bright, very outgoing kid, takes her turn and waddles up to the front of the class with a pillow stuffed under her sweater. She holds up a snapshot of an infant. 'This is Luke, my baby brother, and I'm going to tell you about his birthday.'

'First, Mom and Dad made him as a symbol of their love, and then Dad put a seed in my Mom's stomach, and Luke grew in there. He ate for nine months through an umbrella cord.'

She's standing there with her hands on the pillow, and I'm trying not to laugh and wishing I had my camcorder with me. The kids are watching her in amazement.

'Then, about two Saturdays ago, my Mom starts saying and going, 'Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh!' Erica puts a hand behind her back and groans. 'She walked around the house for, like an hour, 'Oh, oh, oh!' (Now this kid is doing a hysterical duck walk and groaning.)

' My Dad called the middle wife. She delivers babies, but she doesn't have a sign on the car like the Domino's man. They got my Mom to lie down in bed like this.' (Then Erica lies down with her back against the wall.)

'And then, pop! My Mom had this bag of water she kept in there in case he got thirsty, and it just blew up and spilled all over the bed, like psshhheew!'
(This kid has her legs spread with her little hands mimicking water flowing away... It was too much!)

'Then the middle wife starts saying 'push, push,' and 'breathe, breathe.
They started counting, but never even got past ten. Then, all of a sudden, out comes my brother. He was covered in yucky stuff that they all said it was from Mom's play-center, (placenta) so there must be a lot of toys inside there. When he got out, the middle wife spanked him for crawling up in there.'

Then Erica stood up, took a big theatrical bow and returned to her seat.
I'm sure I applauded the loudest. Ever since then, when it's show-and-tell day, I bring my camcorder, just in case another ' Middle Wife' comes along.

Now you have two choices....laugh and close this page or pass this along to someone else to spread the laughs. I know what I did!!!

Live every day as if it is your LAST chance to make someone happy!!!!

[CQ:)]

Only for HOT WOMEN!!!


If you are HOT and you know it.....

Scroll down..

If you are NOT....

close and delete



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There......

Isn't that better?

Have a Great Day!

[CQ:)]

Forgetter Be Forgotten?

My forgetter's getting better,
But my rememberer is broke
To you that may seem funny
But, to me, that is no joke

For when I'm 'here' I'm wondering
If I really should be 'there'
And, when I try to think it through,
I haven't got a prayer!

Often times I walk into a room,
Say 'what am I here for?'
I wrack my brain, but all in vain!
A zero, is my score.

At times I put something away
Where it is safe, but, Gee!
The person it is safest from
Is, generally, me!

When shopping I may see someone,
Say 'Hi' and have a chat,
Then, when the person walks away
I ask myself, 'who the hell was that?

Yes, my forgetter's getting better
While my rememberer is broke,
And it's driving me plumb crazy
And that isn't any joke.

CAN YOU RELATE???

Please send this to everyone you know
Because

I DON'T REMEMBER
WHO I SENT THIS TO!



LIVE, LOVE & LAUGH A LOT

[CQ:)]

Marriage

If you want someone who will eat whatever you put in front of him
and never say it's not quite as good as his mother's

..then adopt a dog.

If you want someone always willing to go out, at any hour,
for as long and wherever you want ...

...then adopt a dog..

If you want someone who will never touch the remote, doesn't care
about football, and can sit next to you as you watch romantic movies

...then adopt a dog.

If you want someone who is content to get on your bed just to
warm your feet and whom you can push off if he snores

...then adopt a dog !

If you want someone who never criticizes what you do, doesn't care
if you are pretty or ugly, fat or thin, young or old, who acts as if
every word you say is especially worthy of listening to, and loves
you unconditionally, perpetually ...

...then adopt a dog.

BUT, on the other hand, if you want someone who will never come
when you call, ignores you totally when you come home, leaves hair
all over the place, walks all over you, runs around all night and only
comes home to eat and sleep, and acts as if your entire existence
is solely to ensure his happiness ..................



..then adopt a cat!

Now be honest, you thought I was gonna say... marry a man, didn't you?


Send this to all the women you know to brighten their day.
Send this to all the men just to annoy them!





Have a GREAT Day!!!

[CQ:)]

How fairy tales really end:

Cinderella


Snow White


Little red riding hood


Sleeping beauty


Jasmine (Aladdin)


Belle (Beauty and the beast)


The little mermaid

[CQ:)]

Tweety bird aged 60

And what about all our other ....
CHILDHOOD SUPERHEROES?

SUPERMAN


Thor


Wonder Woman (touch of menopause here I think?)


Batman and Robin


SPIDERMAN