Hilarious "Dating" Openers (what NOT to say)

[brain]

“Hello! My name is Manoj. I’ve 12 daughters, 2 monkeys and I’m currently mourning my wife who died in an elephant Stampede. A lot of Blood.”

“This is my first 1,000 Rupees. I made it at 5 when I sold my grandmother’s birthday present, back then, over the phone.”

[Birdbomb]

[brain]

Was meeting with my blind date girlfriend who spoke so highly on
fidelity with pride until her cell rang and it was her brother and I overheard
the conversation being so close to her:

“Oh, so dad didn’t make the trip while mom was out?”

And she says “no, but I’m sure his girlfriend is keeping him company.”

[angel]

What NOT to say on a first Date!

1# "This is my apartment, but don't break anything, or you'll have to pay for it."

2# "Here, have a tic-tac. It's on me."

3# (To the waitress) "Could I have your phone number?"

4# "Before we go back to my place -- you're not afraid of cockroaches, are you?"

5# "I really had a good time tonight, uh, um, what the hell was your name again?"

6# "Hey, check out the babe sittin' in the corner. Wow, what a body!"

7# "What? Oh, I thought you were paying."

8# "Nice dress. I have one at home just like it."

9# "So my hand slipped, and the knife cut about half an inch into my thumb, and the blood was gushing all over the place, so I went to the emergency room to have it stitched up, but it kept throbbing, and swelling, and, oh, but I see you're eating."

10# "I want to move out, but my mom really needs me. And, who else is gonna make my lunch? And my bed? And clean my room?"

11# "No, I don't have a job. I spend all my time in the basement. I'm building a submarine, when I'm not playing with my inflatable doll."

12# (Looking at her plate) "Are you going to finish that?"

13# "The mother ship will be returning next June. Then I'll be leaving for Neptune. Hey, here's a thought. You should come with me!"

14# "My old girlfriend, Lisa, was so beautiful. She looked kind of like you. I used to bring her here all the time. Do you mind if I call you Lisa?"

15# "Well, I don't go out in public all too often. And I don't like to be touched, so don't touch me. And try not to stare at me. And let me know if anybody else is staring at me."

16.# "so, my friends tell me you're easy"

17# Called ahead, the manager at McDonalds assured me we wouldn't need reservations

18#"so, my friends tell me you're easy"

haha