I've just been doing a little research.....on Santa !

[TeeTees]

The question : Does Santa Really Exist ?

The hypothesis :

I. There are approximately two billion children (persons under 1 in the world. However, since Santa does not visit children of Muslim, Hindu, Jewish or Buddhist religions, this reduces the workload for Christmas night to 15% of the total, or 378 million (according to the Population Reference Bureau).

At an average (census) rate of 3.5 children per house hold, that comes to 108 million homes, presuming that there is at least one good child in each.

II. Santa has about 31 hours of Christmas to work with, thanks to the different time zones and the rotation of the earth, assuming he travels east to west (which seems logical). This works out to 967.7 visits per second. This is to say that for each Christian household with a good child, Santa has around 1/1000th of a second to park the sleigh, hop out, jump down the chimney, fill the stockings, distribute the remaining presents under the tree, eat whatever snacks have been left for him, get back up the chimney, jump into the sleigh and get on to the next house.

Assuming that each of these 108 million stops is evenly distributed around the earth (which, of course, we know to be false, but will accept for the purposes of our calculations), we are now talking about 0.78 miles per household; a total trip of 75.5 million miles, not counting bathroom stops or breaks. This means Santa's sleigh is moving at 650 miles per second --- 3,000 times the speed of sound. For purposes of comparison, the fastest man-made vehicle, the Ulysses space probe, moves at a poky 27.4 miles per second, and a conventional reindeer can run (at best) 15 miles per hour.

III. The payload of the sleigh adds another interesting element. Assuming that each child gets nothing more than a medium sized Lego set (two pounds), the sleigh is carrying over 500 thousand tons, not counting Santa himself. On land, a conventional reindeer can pull no more than 300 pounds. Even granting that the "flying" reindeer could pull ten times the normal amount, the job can't be done with eight or even nine of them--- Santa would need 360,000 of them. This increases the payload, not counting the weight of the sleigh, another 54,000 tons, or roughly seven times the weight of the Queen Elizabeth (the ship, not the monarch).

IV. 600,000 tons traveling at 650 miles per second creates enormous air resistance --- this would heat up the reindeer in the same fashion as a spacecraft re-entering the earth's atmosphere. The lead pair of reindeer would absorb 14.3 quintillion joules of energy per second each. In short, they would burst into flames almost instantaneously, exposing the reindeer behind them and creating deafening sonic booms in their wake.

The entire reindeer team would be vaporized within 4.26 thousandths of a second, or right about the time Santa reached the fifth house on his trip.

Not that it matters, however, since Santa, as a result of accellerating from a dead stop to 650 m.p.s. in .001 seconds, would be subjected to centrifugal forces of 17,500 g's. A 250 pound Santa (which seems ludicrously slim) would be pinned to the back of the sleigh by 4,315,015 pounds of force, instantly crushing his bones and organs and reducing him to a quivering blob of pink goo.

Therefore, if Santa did exist, he's dead now.

[Birdbomb]

Santa can't possibly be a man:


Men can't pack a bag.
Men would rather be dead than caught wearing red velvet.
Men would feel their masculinity is threatened...having to be seen with all those elves.
Men don't answer their mail.
Men would refuse to allow their physique to be described even in jest as anything remotely resembling a "bowlful of jelly."
Men aren't interested in stockings unless somebody's wearing them.
Having to do the Ho Ho Ho thing would seriously inhibit their ability to pick up women.
Finally, being responsible for Christmas would require a commitment.

[TeeTees]

Santa can't possibly be a man:


Men can't pack a bag.
Men would rather be dead than caught wearing red velvet.
Men would feel their masculinity is threatened...having to be seen with all those elves.
Men don't answer their mail.
Men would refuse to allow their physique to be described even in jest as anything remotely resembling a "bowlful of jelly."
Men aren't interested in stockings unless somebody's wearing them.
Having to do the Ho Ho Ho thing would seriously inhibit their ability to pick up women.
Finally, being responsible for Christmas would require a commitment.

LOL.....true, true, true. BUT, a couple of things you didn't think off -

women can't navigate, so there would be a hell of alot of disappointed children out there if Santa was feMALE !

If I saw a 250 pound woman, bearing a beard....I would NOT accept any gifts, that's for sure

[angel]

OH come on.... you wouldnt even accept 1 gift?




TeeTee's & Birdbomb..... you guys crack me up sometimes you can come up with some pretty off the wall funny stuff!!

[Birdbomb]

If I saw a 250 pound woman, bearing a beard....I would NOT accept any gifts, that's for sure

Ooo you are a braver man than I am Gunga Din!

[angel]

BAD TEETEE's no christmas gifts for you this year....

love angel

[brain]

Men would be too busy
looking at her

[TeeTees]

BAD TEETEE's no christmas gifts for you this year....

love angel

Now she MUST get cold sitting on that sleigh....

....although ME, well I'm getting a li'l hot at this moment in time

PS. If that came down MY chimney, I'd be a happy bunny this year

[spinnymommy]

You better watch out,
You better not shout,
.....

Bernard is gonna get you guys!!!

[Bernard]

[angel]

likes the pictures


Your Instructors on how to assemble and decorate a Christmas tree are
Iris and Fern - 2 fluffy tailed kitty sisters!

STEP 1

A full day of excavating the storage room in search
of the various Christmas boxes has
definitely created a mess.
http://www.fluffytails.ca/irisfern/xmasboth4.jpg
Finally all have been found. Including a few boxes
we didn't even know existed!

After a quick sorting thru of the tree box,
we are ready to begin the assembly of the artificial tree.



STEP 2

Insert each
branch
carefully



skipping to step 6

Wrap the lights
around
each layer.

It gives them lots
of depth.






for more info go to

http://www.fluffytails.ca/christmas.asp

[TeeTees]

You better watch out,
You better not shout,
.....

Bernard is gonna get you guys!!!

I can't see what the problem is, nothing rude has been posted....just fun. Please give us a break, we just wanna have a li'l fun (with boundaries, off course) whilst we can.....life's too short, let's have a bit off humour on the forums to prevent the site from becoming toooo depressing



nuff said, back to my medication

[angel]

I can't see what the problem is, nothing rude has been posted....just fun. Please give us a break, we just wanna have a li'l fun (with boundaries, off course) whilst we can.....life's too short, let's have a bit off humour on the forums to prevent the site from becoming toooo depressing



nuff said, back to my medication

Post a funny picture

I think its okay for you to post stuff like that in there

see ya TeeTee's

Love and hugs to you!
love angel

[Birdbomb]

Mmmmmm....good for the goose, good for the gander! Ladies, here's a bit of Christmas Beefcake!


Oh Rudolph! Won't you guide my sleigh tonight?

[Zoe]

Mmmmmm....good for the goose, good for the gander! Ladies, here's a bit of Christmas Beefcake!


Oh Rudolph! Won't you guide my sleigh tonight?

Will he guide my sleigh tonight?

[brain]

Doesn't that woman in that photo
look like Martha Stewart or is that
my meds playing tricks on me?

[Birdbomb]

I just can't picture Martha with her hands down some guy's pants! LOL

[spinnymommy]

I can't see what the problem is, nothing rude has been posted....just fun. Please give us a break, we just wanna have a li'l fun (with boundaries, off course) whilst we can.....life's too short, let's have a bit off humour on the forums to prevent the site from becoming toooo depressing



nuff said, back to my medication

I was trying to be funny. oops

Another example of my poor social skills. I'll keep trying if you guys will be patient with me.

[TeeTees]

I was trying to be funny. oops

Another example of my poor social skills. I'll keep trying if you guys will be patient with me.

No probs spinnymommy.....nothing was directed towards you, so please don't take it personal


x

[Birdbomb]

I can't tell you how many times my back-side has been swatted by and . I just shrug it off and post something different. What is accepable to me may offend others and vice-versa. No need to beat ourselves up..... now go find some funny Santa picture and make us L A U G H !!!!