Men?

[ZappedCanuck]

I'm beginning to think that God knew He screwed up when he made Adam and creating Eve was try two of someone in His image.
Someone explain men to me please. My husband & I have already miscarried a number of times this year and well,.....Aunt Flow's back in town..... counting down the days to try again. My husband's never been the type to show emotion whether he won a million bucks or if his whole family were to die. The last miscarriage I called him home from work to get me to the hospital ASAP, and then he was just real blaze about, "I have to get back to work." We both want a family badly, but, I'm so scared. If we lose another baby I know I'll be carrying all the weight myself. Since there's been know fruit of our efforts, he sees no reason to be concerned about what's to come. But, for me, I can't forget our losses and I fear what's to come. I feel like I'm going to mourn what we've lost forever, but I don't really have anyone to talk to. The only people who even know about it are our pastor and my sister-in-law. How do you get support from someone who doesn't show emotion. It makes it feel like he doesn't care (maybe he does). But, I can go through another loss feeling alone.

[POSITIVEPERSON]

I am so sorry for your losses. Have you asked your gyncolgist for a support
group?

I myself do not have children, But I can only imagine the loss you feel. The body adjusting too the loss of a child and the hormones must be going crazy till your body adjusts. Plus the hope of what might have been. As you can
see I am women and I truly feel for you and send you much love and support ,(((hugs))).

I guess the best place to start is with you gyncolgist office asking for help.He/she must know of other women in this situation.

(((((hugs)))))))
Positive Person

[Bernard]

ZC, I'm so sorry for your losses!

Stacy and I lost one child at 7.5 weeks. She had to get a DNC. I'll admit that I was not nearly as upset as Stacy about it. I knew that she was (still is sweetie) young and we had time to try again.

I think that a mother definitely has some sort of emotional bond to a child that she is nurturing in utero that fathers are not privy to. It affords men a greater sense of detachment.

The last miscarriage I called him home from work to get me to the hospital ASAP, and then he was just real blaze about, "I have to get back to work."

:shock: That is unfathomable to me. Perhaps he was overwhelmed with stress, fear of failure, etc. and just succumbing to a 'flight mechanism' as psychologists might say.

[merlotte]

so sorry to learn about your miscarriages. i know how hard it can be, my sister had one last summer-it was her first pregnancy! we were all there to support her, but i could see how lost she was. and about your husband, maybe his behaviour is only a coverup so as not to show his true feelings about how sad he is. because you mentionned that both of you wanted to have a family of your own.
men at times find it hard to react normally, so they prefer to act the tough guys, when inside they are breaking adnd hurting as much as we do!

[ZappedCanuck]

Thanks to all of you for your words of support and encouragement. My husband and I pulled and all nighter and well,...... I got a chance to do a little mourning for our previous losses and we did come to understand a few things. My husband indicates he comes from a family where they're not known to express their emotions outwardly. He says that he's never shed a tear once in his 38 years that he can think of, even in the worst of times. :shock: For myself, having been an R.A. in college and working as a counselor I've come to learn to read people by their emotions and expressions. I guess I'll have to retrain myself. My husband has agreed to give more verbal feedback when he sees that I'm having a tough time...... I guess thats what I get for marrying an IT computer geek/engineer. If we can ever carry a baby to term he can be the robot who does the auto pilot chores (diapers :wink: ) and I'll be the one to mend the scraped knees & broken hearts.

Thanks again for your support - ZC

[merlotte]

as you can see, men are not the emotional type! its hard for them to admit that they are hurting even if the hurt they have inside is killing them.. just be patient and show him that you wont think low of him if he shows his hurt and pain.
take care

[Rachel]

Just wanted to say how sorry I am for your loss.