Personal diaries

[Bernard]

"Getting to know you,
Getting to know all about you...."

We recently had a discussion with one of Stacy's uncles regarding a personal diary that her grandfather maintained. The uncle warned that it was not a good idea to read the diary if she cherished the memory that she had of her grandfather because there might be stuff in there that shatters her conceptions of the man.

I don't keep a personal diary myself although Stacy does. Do you keep a personal diary? Would you want people reading it after you die?

Have you ever read another family member's diary after they passed away? Did you regret doing so?

[lindy]

Yes, I keep a diary and I hope that my children do read it once I'm gone. I want them to know me as I really am - not just as their mother but as a real, flesh and blood person who has had her ups and downs but has perserved. I read my grandmother's diary after she died and, while alot of it was surprising, it allowed me to see why she was the way that she was. I was her favorite grandchild and I love her dearly, although I knew that she was a first class b*tch. Now I know why and I don't blame her at all. To me, true love means seeing who a person is, flaws and all, and loving that person regardless. One of the problems my family has is that my siblings don't look at our father (who has been dead for almost 20 years now) as a real person. They've turned him into a saint in their minds and come close to worshipping him! But he wasn't a saint - he was a man like any other and I love him dearly, warts and all. Wish that he had left a diary! It wasn't until near the end of his life that I asked some really basic questions about his life and I wish that I knew more than the little that I do know.

[Bernard]

It's great that you are writing a diary for others to read and preserve your memory and thoughts. But do all people write diaries for others to read? I don't keep a diary, but I assume that some folks do it as a personal therapy and do not intend for anyone to read it.

I think what Stacy's uncle was alluding to is that there may be sides to the person that you'd rather not have known about - say for example that the person fancied child porn - that does not integrate well with your experience.

[lindy]

My diary is therapy for me but, when I'm gone, I want my children to know who I was - the good and the bad. Everyone has things to hide and things that s/he isn't particularly proud of but, as I've said before, true love means seeing the person for who that person really was and loving that person warts and all. I want my children to love the real me - not some fictionalized version. My sisters and brother all adore our father and talk about him as if he were some sort of saint. He was no saint - just a good man who tried very hard. I think that that's why I have a better relationship with our mother than they do since she and I can talk about my father as the person he was.

[Tilei]

I do keep a diary and when I am gone fully expect that the family will read it. They don't always understand me now and that diary will help them later as they recall their Crazy Aunt Beth and understand why I am as crazy as I am.

[Stacy]

I have a question on this. I keep a diary... approximately 7 volumes by now, and I was considering publishing it under a pen name... (false author's name)... even going so far as to tell the story, but change the names to protect the innocent. What do you guys think about this? It'll sell, no doubt about that.

[Bernard]

While it would surely make for some interesting drama, I don't think publishers would be able to market it unless you do something remarkable/noteworthy.

[stilldancing_98]

That is a very good question. I have a life time of journals. Some I threw away because I was saying goodbye to the past. But when I was in my coma, my Mom told me after that she read some of my journals. At first I felt invaded. But I have some wonderful stories on how my ex and I met.I did not write about the divorce.I wrote about events like our big earthquake in WA when my son was a baby.And a lot of private thoughts that are only human.I have even written letters to Alex, For me it would not be bad.But I think he would have to be older. I could put that on the front.

[BuckeyeFan]

I am not a diary person and as far as I know, no one else in my family keeps one. After my Dad passed, we were going through all of his tools and things dividing them up between us sons. I found among them not a diary, but simple notes about a knee surgery he had shortly before I was married and a few other things. Nothing earth shattering, but very interesting to read as my Dad rarely wrote letters or anything. I still keep it in his large tool cabinet that I inherited.

I don't think I would want my kids reading a deeply personal diary revealing all of my weaknesses. Hell, I wouldn't want them reading some of the stuff I post here. I want them to remember me the way they want to remember me and from their viewpoint, not mine.

I do like the idea of leaving letters behind for your survivors, letters written to each of them individually. I know I would want to tell each daughter something different as each of our relationships is unique.

As for the diaries, I would probably be more interested in reading about my grandparents as all but one of them were gone when I was very young and I never knew them and what they were like. I have seen pictures and know their basic bios, but never really knew them.

[brain]

I had diaries, but many of them had been
converted over to Word Perfect, then over
to MS Word, then upgraded as the time
changed ... from 5.25 floppies to 3.5 to
CD and now will be into DVD ... what is
next? FLASH CARDS!

And to say, having to convert, reformat,
and yadda, yadda, yadda ... fun stuff,
not! I wished I kept the handwritten ones!

[Meetz1064]

you would have gotten writer's cramp! LOLOL!!! Just kidding.

I had quite a few diaries. But, they were destroyed in a tornado in April of 1994. After that, things just started going downhill, and certain people started reading them when they weren't meant to be read. So, I stopped keeping them. I may start keeping them again....we'll see.

[RobinN]

The best I have done were my morning pages, done in connection to [URL="

Amazon (Thumbnails)

 

Amazon (Thumbnails)

The morning pages are three pages of stream-of-consciousness longhand morning writing. You should think of them not as "art" but as an active form of meditation for Westerners. In the morning pages we declare to the world—and ourselves—what we like, what we dislike, what we wish, what we hope, what we regret, and what we plan

The Artist's Way online

[simple.partials]

I do keep a handwritten journal, and update it at irregular times. It's somewhere I can dump emotions and thoughts or can just talk myself through a situation or scenario.

I wouldn't want anyone else to read it or for it to survive my death. It's the worst of me and I'm not motivated to improve the writing or make it literary or creative. Having said that, though, writing in it sustains me in bad times and makes my life better than it otherwise would be.

[RobinN]

I too must think about this and my personal journaling.
Perhaps we need to ask a special someone that we trust to burn it in the event we retire before it has.
Just a thought

[simple.partials]

Perhaps we need to ask a special someone that we trust to burn it in the event we retire before it has.
Just a thought

I agree, Robin. I also must compliment you on your tact.

.. in the event we retire before it has.

[greathoneybear]

Before my grandmother passed away, my uncle who is very much into the family tree business, asked her quite a few questions. (and my grandmother usually wasn't quite all there). On the day of her passing, after the funeral we all came back to the hotel and listened to her words and I was so fascinated by her life. I did not know things like she worked on a tobacco farm and other things like that. It is amazing to learn about your relatives either through their diaries or just by asking the right questions. I really learned who my grandmother was that day. When my mother-in-law passed away, I was cleaning out her desk and found many cards and stuff from friends and realized how funny she really was. To me, she was just a difficult person to live with. So it might be a good idea to let your family know the "true you" because as we all age, we change and our children and grandchildren really don't know who we really were as kids or even just fun-loving adults before we had them. You can learn a lot about a person when you clean up their stuff once they have passed away and then it is too late to talk to them.

[BuckeyeFan]

I did not know things like she worked on a tobacco farm and other things like that.

My one grandmother who survived until I was 22 was a mid-wife and delivered unknown numbers of children back in the 20s, 30s, and 40s. I never knew this until long after she passed away. I only remember the stuff from when I was around. (she was a heck of a card player)

[Molly97]

I am 60. I lived until 7 years ago with DID(dissociative identity disorder, previously known as multiple personality disorder); yes, it is real. During periods of therapy, which actually lasted for 20 or so years due to the ineptness of the first therapist who recognized the problem, I journaled extensively. My DID was put to rest in Sept 2002. About 4 years ago, I went through, and threw away ALL my journals. It was my wish that no one ever read them. I do not want to be remembered for the "crazy lady" that I was while in the throes of DID. It's bad enough that people these days refer to me, my creative writing and photography as having "a unique point of view."

[skillefer]

I've got to admit, I do have diaries. The problem is, they are sporadic and usually written at either times of great sorrow or joy. And honestly, in those moments of despair, I would be filled with anger that I unleashed on the paper. So I don't think I'd like anyone reading those particular entries. I do know that I wish my dad and my grandparents had kept diaries. The only things that are in the family are items that were left. For example, I have the wooden jewelry box my dad made his mom when he was in high school. I know my mom has a trowel that belonged to my grandfather. It was an award from the masonic lodge. And I have some photos. But honestly, that's about it. Now, when I try to work on the family tree, it's frustrating. My grandparents died when I was very young...less then 7. And my dad, well, he was older when I was born and never really talked about his parents. He did once say that I made a better Apple Brown Betty than my grandma....and told a story once about where he was on the day Pearl Harbor was attacked....but honestly, all other family history I've learned has been through things online....it's frustrating at times....it really it.

[LivingFruity]

I do not keep a private diary. I have an online blog and that gets most of my attention. I post there about 5 days a week. I've tried keeping a daily personal journal, but I'd only use it for 2-3 weeks before I forgot about it for another year or two. If I was faithful to keep a personal diary, I would not mind if my family read it after I was gone. I would hope that they would learn something from my experiences.