At such a loss...

[googly389]

It's been a while since I've been on. I don't even know where to begin. Where to go. On Wednesday, December 16th my father shot and killed himself with his shotgun. Just like that. I was home. I have been so numb and isolated despite all of the outpouring of support from friends and family. I don't know what to feel. I can't even cry and I feel so bad for that but my feelings are so flat. Has anyone here ever gone through anything like this? I could use some comfort, thanks.

I may not be on for a while due to not having internet at a relative's house.

[Meetz1064]

Googly.

(((((HUGS))))) to you. I would think that your reaction is perfectly normal...and not surprising at all...You might seriously consider getting into some counseling, because this is something that you can't just push aside. Not feeling emotion, like what your speaking of means you've already started to suppress things, so you DO NEED to talk to a counselor of some sort.

You have my deepest condolences, Googly.

[epileric]

Accept my condolences. I have been through the deaths of both parents & despite feeling awful I didn't fall apart like I thought I would have. From experience I'll tell you not to suppress your emotions but also don't feel guilty or bad if you're not as overwhelmed by those emotions as you thought you should have. I really do know that flat feeling you're talking about.

[RobinN]

You will feel what you need to feel at any given moment. I don't think it is something to control. I can not imagine what you are dealing with. Putting one foot in front of the other is necessary. I am sure you are probably the strong one of the bunch.

Don't forget to breath.
My thoughts and prayers are with you.

[Rhea]

my father shot himself when I was 17. I lived with him and was raising a baby, too. Everything was gone, and I had to go in foster homes. It is devastating, to say the least. Maybe because it's so hard to understand the mind set that it would take to do that. I dunno. I feel for you, and I understand. My son is at a point where he could end up like that too. He's 20. There is nothing you could have done or said that would have changed it. PM me if you want. I have a real good shoulder and I listen well. I'm so sorry that this happened. I know the range of emotions that go with it.

[gigi]

Googly:

What a terrible tragedy for you and your family. Grief is not a one size fits all. Get whatever help you need, and feel what ever you need to feel without suppressing those feelings. My condolences and blessings. Stay in touch.

[roo]

Googly, I am very sorry to hear of the sad loss of your father.

Grief is a very personal thing and there is no right or wrong way to grieve. The shock and emotional numbness you are experiencing at present, believe it or not is actually 'grief '. Give yourself time and don't be too hard on yourself.

Sending Hugs and prayers your way.

[dfwtexas]

Everyone grieves in different ways....but I think a counselor can help you with yours. I use to be one that thought couseling was a waste of time, but then I had counseling (both group and individual) help me with one of the lowest points of my life...it does help! Big hugs from your CWE family.So sorry

[occb]

Hi Googly,

feeling numb and isolated are very normal reactions to a devastating shock like you've experienced. It's the mind's way to protect you from the impact, but at some point, that barrier will break down, and you'll have to face all those emotions which are being kept in check right now. When that happens, talking to a counsellor, particularly one who specializes in grief would be very helpful. There are many organizations that offer free counselling, especially through churches (usually regardless of your own personal beliefs).

You have my deepest condolences.

[appsandsuch]

Googly, I'm so sorry I'm not sure how much I can offer in words that will make much of a difference. I agree with previous posters- shock and numbness is certainly not an abnormal reaction, though I imagine it must feel awful. I wish I had some words of wisdom for you.

In terms of our own experiences, I've never experienced anything quite as devastating, but I can say that, on a much much much smaller scale, when there are people around me grieving and crying, I physically cannot. Even if I had previously been a moment before, if someone else begins to, I stop, and my body simply cannot continue doing so. Maybe it's a parental-ish thing, maybe it's just a personality type. Perhaps you're similar? Whatever the case, please just allow yourself to feel (or not feel) whatever it is you do, and go through your own process without feeling bad about that.

Ask for help if/when you need it, and again, I'm so sorry

Sarah

[Bernard]

Oh my. Condolences Googly.

My wife lost her mother a couple of years before we met. She walked into her mother's home and found her dead from a heart attack (or Sudden Unexplained Death in Epilepsy - not entirely sure about the cause of death). She was a heavy - several packs a day - smoker and didn't eat well. So while she didn't pull a trigger, she also chose her path and died suddenly. It's a heavy loss to endure.

You've got friends here if you want to talk (or "chat").

[alivenwell]

I am so sorry to hear of your loss. It must be devastating to put it bluntly. Counseling would be a very good option. Everybody grieves at their own rate. Take it one day at a time.

[Nakamova]

My condolences Googly. Give yourself space to grieve. The sadness from the loss of a parent is one of those things that we work through, not around.

Take care,
Best,
Nakamova

[Billyboyboo]

I'm sorry for your loss, I had a friend to shoot himself, I know how it feels.

Thoughts and Prayers with you.

Billy.

[Rae1889]

My sincerest condolences.
I know how you feel
Me and my boyfriend *at the time* found his brother a few minutes after he shot himself. It took us about an hour to call anyone. We just could move and we couldn't cry.
Take care of yourself and grieve in any healthy way you choose.
Love and hugs
Rae

[CathyAnn31]

Googly-

My deepest sympathies to you. I cannot even begin to imagine how this is for you.

Big ***hugs***

[matchu]

googly, please contact me if you need anything to get out or talk or what ever. My best friend killed himself on Dec. 23, 2003. It was extremely difficult and I wanted to know why, why he did not come talk to me. I finally had to stop because it was driving me mad. I have to go out in the field for work, but please except my condolences and offer to talk. It sucks real bad, just promise me you will get support if you can't handle things.

matchu