Torn

[Aicila]

There is a guy who rides a motorcycle. He is a good guy for the most part. He makes mistakes, just like everyone else but has lots of friends. Most like him. He gets drunk one night, he jumps on his motorcycle, flies down the road takes a turn too fast, hits a curb, rolls off his bike, turns his brain into soup, and dies two days later.

Today is his memorial service. I knew him. I liked him. I HATE people who drink and drive. I wish I could stop each and every one of them and knock some sense into them. If any of them were to ever hurt me or my family, especially my daughter, then there better be someone around to hold me back.

I am very torn about going to this memorial service. This person was not a close friend, but he was a friend. I worked with him. We joked with eachother, made fun of eachother. I just don't know.

[Nakamova]

The memorial service is to honor and remember your friend's life, and to provide comfort to the friends and family who knew him and will miss him. If you feel like connecting in that way will help, then go. If your ambivalence will make the service too painful for you or others, then don't go.

[alivenwell]

He may have had alcoholism, which is an actual disorder in the medical community. It's a shame.

It sounds like it could be stressful if you go or if you do not go. Personally I'd stay home.

[Aicila]

I will miss my friend. I will miss his jokes. I will miss making fun of his funny hair or lack of it when he shaved his head. I will miss his boring stories about his truck and his bike. I am sad he is gone. I feel bad for his family. He did not have a wife or children. He had some dogs and a horse. They will be taken care of by his sister that he left behind and her family.

I did not go to his memorial service. I didn't go because I am too angry at him. I didn't go because he did a stupid thing and I was not ready to honor his life. I want to yell at him and tell him he was an idiot and gave up something special. That he could have hurt someone else and ultimately he is not the one suffering, that everyone else is.

B was a great guy and he deserves to be remembered that way, and I will eventually forgive him, and I will say goodbye to him in my own way. But for now I just need to be mad. I don't know if I'm allowed, and it might seem selfish, but it's how I feel right now.

[Nakamova]

You did the right thing. As you say, when you are ready, you will say goodbye to him in your own way.

[epileric]

I agree with Nakamova.

The way I see it you did a very respectful thing by not going. In my eyes that is very much the opposite of selfish & see no reason why that would not be allowed.

[Endless]

Funerals are for the living, not the dead. It's to help people get closure. If you have closure without going, then don't go.

People understand that there are a number of reasons that someone may not go to a funeral and usually don't judge, so don't let fear of their potential opinions stop you from staying home.

[alivenwell]

Frankly, I hate funerals. I would want people to reconnect during happier gatherings. Unfortunately, the funerals, memorial services or weddings seem to be the main reasons why people gather together.