Why wedding dresses are white (joke) Battle between MEN -vs.- WOMEN

[speber]

I think Whatsamatta University needs to have some classes.......

......--YOUR WIFE
COOKING FOR EVERYONE--INCLUDING YOURSELF--ON THE STOVE!!!

...but she doesn't need a class for that....she's really very good at it!
She does currently need one of them 'stove' thingy's though....she's been complainin' bout it not working proper-like.
Oh well, more BRATS!
.......hmmmmmmmm.....brats!.....aaaaaagggggggggg.

[BIGMAN131307]

Why don't women need drivers licenses?
There is no road between the bedroom and the kitchen.

Why haven't any women ever gone to the moon?
It doesn't need cleaning yet

How is a woman like a laxative?
They both irritate the crap out of you.

What do you tell a woman with two black eyes?
Nothing, shes already been told twice.

How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None, let her cook in the dark!

Women are cute and cuddly - every man should "own" one.

How are women and high school phone policies similar?
Because they can be seen but not heard

Why do women live longer than men?
Because God adds them the time that they wasted on parking their cars.

What would men do without women?
They would train another animal

Women have created 3 things in this world: Complaining, Periods, Credit Card Debts

How are women and a pile of dog crap alike?
The older they get, the easier they are to pick up !!

What do you do when the dish washer is broken?
Slap her on the butt and tell her to get to work.

What's strong enough for a man, but made for a woman?
The back of my hand.

How can you tell if your wife is dead?
The sex is the same but the dishes pile up.

Why do they call it PMS?
Cause mad cow disease was already taken.

Why do women close their eyes during sex?
They can't stand to see a man have a good time.
________________________________________________


Worthiness

A job negotiator and a feminist were in dispute... The feminist was arguing over the different pay scales that her women were receiving...

Fem: Okay, why are women paid less than men for doing the same job that a man does.
Neg: It says in the Bible that women are worth less than men.
Fem: Where does it say that? I don't think so.
Neg: Well, you do agree that woman was made from a rib, correct?
Fem: Yeah, so?
Neg: Well, there you have it. A rib is a cheaper cut of meat!
__________________________________________________ ______


Karma

An old woman saved a Fairy's life. To repay this, the Fairy promised to grant the old woman three wishes.

For the first wish, the old lady asked to become young and beautiful. Poof! She became young and beautiful.

For the second wish, the old lady asked to be richest woman in the world. Poof! She was the richest woman in the world.

For the last wish, she pointed at the cat she had kept for years. She asked that he be turned into the most handsome man on earth. After all, he had been her best friend for so many years. Poof! The Fairy turned the cat into the most handsome man on earth.
The old lady and the Fairy said their goodbyes.

After the Fairy left, the handsome man (old cat) strolled over to her and asked, "Now aren't you sorry you had me neutered?"
__________________________________________________ _____________


There are nine very important men in a woman's life.

They are:
Her Doctor; he says, "Take your clothes off."
Her Dentist; he says, "Open wide."
Her Veterinarian; he says, "And how is your little pussy doing today?"
Her Gardener; he says, "Do you want me to mulch your bush?"
Her Hairdresser; he says, "Do you want it teased or blown?"
Her Interior Decorator; he says, "You'll like it once it's in."
Her Remodeler; he says, "It fits tongue-in-groove with a little hammering."
Her Milkman; he says, "Do you want it in front or in back?"
Her Banker; he says, "If you take it out, you'll lose interest."
__________________________________________________ ______________


Most accidents happen at home!
And the men have to eat them.
__________________________________________________ _____________


How To Translate Womenspeak

When She Says ........................She Really Means

No...................................... Yes.

Of course I'm not upset...........Of course I'm upset, you moron!

I might as well tell you, Bob and I are seeing each other......... Bob and I are having sex.

I feel I've known you my whole life..... I'm drunk.

Will you respect me in the morning?.....You won't tell your friends, will you?

I never do this on my first date.......... I always do this on my first date.

Don't touch me there..............Touch me there, but I'm going to stop you the first few times.

You're...so manly....................You need to shave and you sweat a lot.

Hello? Oh yes. Didn't we meet at the bar Friday night?.... I've been waiting by the phone for three days

Let's not talk "commitment". Let's just see what happens...... I'm not taking any birth control pills.

You're certainly lovely tonight......... Is sex all you ever think about?

I can't believe you're here.It must be fate...... I've been following you all day.

I'm particular who I have sex with...... I draw the line at barnyard animals.

I'm not emotional and I'm not over-reacting...... I'm having my period.

I hope you're not disappointed.......... I'm flat chested.

Want to come upstairs for a nightcap?... Want to come upstairs and have sex?

Just come upstairs for a drink....Maybe if I get you drunk you'll have sex with me.

I love a man who takes charge........... You're picking up the bill, aren't you?

Be romantic...turn out the lights....... I have flabby thighs.
__________________________________________________ ____________________


What's the first thing a woman does when she gets back from the battered women's clinic?
Those damned dishes if she knows what's good for her.

Whats the difference between your wife and your dog?
Walking the dog is relaxing.

What is the difference between a battery and a woman?
A battery has a positive side.

What have you done wrong when you wife comes out of the kitchen and starts nagging you? You made the chain too long.
__________________________________________________ ___

Deaf Man?

A man is driving along in his car when he suddenly gets pulled over by the police, the man pokes his head out of the window and says "what seems to be the problem officer?"

The cop looks bluntly at him and says "are you aware that a woman fell out of your car about 2 minutes ago?"

The man let out a sigh "thanks, for a few minutes there I thought I had gone deaf!"

[Shelley]

to being a Turkey Butt?

[BuckeyeFan]

COOKING FOR EVERYONE--INCLUDING YOURSELF--ON THE STOVE!!!

There we go back to where all this started. WHITE wedding dresses to match the WHITE kitchen thingies.

[speber]

...Turkey Butt...

.......aaaaaaaaaaaagggggggggggggggg............... ..

[Birdbomb]

This class is one for BIRDBOMB - so she can finally get me that beer I asked for last summer.

I was pouring beer before there was internet or brats!

BTW~Did you know that the most perfered method of murder for female serial killers is poision?







Now what kind of beer was it you liked?

[seizures4ever]

Birdy,

Go ahead ...pour him up a big ol' beer

Anybody, got a piece of turkey butt we can toss to Homer? He's drooling all over the page.

[speber]

......poison beer and turkey butt!......

.............aaaaaaaaaaaagggggggggggg!!!!!!!

[stilldancing_98]

I didn't know men knew how to match.lol

[alivenwell]

Yeah! White kitchen thingies..white wedding dresses. Kind of a close match there, isn't it for color coordination to pick out appliances for their women?! We made easy.

[speber]

=


I think "Beauty and the Beast" missed a character!

[BuckeyeFan]

[speber]

are they thinkin'?.......no wait, that can't be.....they must be 'on the fritz' again (Tees, you'z right agian----appliances!).........somebody give the wimmin a whack on the side so'z they'll start werkin' again!

[Birdbomb]

THIS is what a MAN should look like!



And now for the perfect male!

[brain]

And I must add

THE
CAMERA
NEVER
LIES!

[seizures4ever]

BB-


Ahhh...if he only truly existed...handsome and a housekeeper?
But to dream...

If anyone actually has a man like this, keep it to yourself. I may jump off a bridge or something equally self-destructive if you describe him to me.

[stilldancing_98]

Baby, baby, I would take him for a night or two! lol And If he looked liked that I think it would motivate me to clean the toilet. lol Maybe even vacuum.he he.

[speber]

....he he he.

[stilldancing_98]

That is politeness boys, the way you guys whine, she wouldn't go near you. lol All I have to do is just give my man the sexy eye and he knows everything I want. And he does not have to beg. lol

[BIGMAN131307]

How much different are men and women really? Well let's see what a husband & wife think of their pride & joy. This is what you will find in most married couples purses & wallets. Here are some pictures found.

We first look in the womans purse. Here we find a nice picture of her "pride & joy".




























Now we look in the mans wallet. We also find pictures of his "pride & joy".

His pride



& joy.




Oh, the girls are nice too.