Afterwards

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motorbill66

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I may have missed it because the forum has become so big (That's a GOOD thing!) but I've not heard of anyone starting a thread on this subject:

How do you feel post ictal? I don't just mean how you feel about it in retrospect; depressed, sad, curious, etc. , but the feelings and distortions or hallucinations and such that you experience just as you come out of the attack. This topic is probably for Generalized, or Tonic-Clonic types, but that's my own experience Maybe there are others. That's why I started this thread. I hope it works! There's nothing like a Grand Mal to leave you feeling like crap, and a lot of other things as well. My own 'journey' back from a seizure seems far more protracted than it apparently actually is; some kind of inner time dilation or something beyond my understanding.
 
The post ictal hallucinations/psychosis has been discussed here before.
For me, I feel like I've been hit by a semi and want to sleep for days with a horrific headache. When I'm recovered from the exhaustion and headache, them I'm depressed for a bit. Usually the hallucinations are simple partials for me.

Here are some posts about post-ictal psychosis:
http://www.coping-with-epilepsy.com...hosis-7106/?highlight=tonic+clonic+post+ictal
 
I am very disoriented. Not sure where I am when I first come out of a seizure, it goes away after a few moments. My body is also tight and it's extremely hard to move, but that lasts a few days.
 
The few tonic-clonics I have had leave me exhausted, sore and confused for several days. Fortunately I have only had five of those, that I have known about. I have tons of simple partials, and the stronger ones can leave me tired for a few hours, but for some reason a handful of my partials will leave me completely unsure of what day it is! Both the day of the week and the date. Looking at a calendar is useless. I either have to wait for the knowledge to return on its own, figure it out by remembering an appointment or something I had had the previous day, and going from that, or looking at my cell phone for the date. That's the easiest.
 
have had a number of them- in cars (passenger and 1 as driver), trying to get out of the shower, trying to get out of my sauna, couch, floor, bed, office. never in public or at someone else's house.

-always know where i am when i 'come to', no issues with memory or recognization, except for once (called my boyfriend by my two best friend's names - all three of their names start with an A, was begging for an ambulance which is so unlike me, very out of it so he put ativan under my tongue)
-can't talk properly for 10 to 20 minutes, but am stubborn so always try within the first 5 and it's always baby babble
-always stare at whoever is with me and my surroundings, knowing fully in my head what's happened and can respond 'in my head' fairly soon but not vocalize it
-always with stubborness try to move in the first few minutes, but don't succeed well, try lifting myself up but always go right back down
-always sound like a pug dog and am drooling
-always injured but most of them were minor
-always cry once i've fully realized what just happened (not mostly a sadness but as my brain is coming to there's so much change/denial/acceptance it's too overwhelming to handle when i'm that weak

-more often than not 'try' to scurry back to what i was doing prior, stubborness that this just ruined the following days and added one more g.m. to the list

-never have lost bladder or bowel control
-only had a headache once and it was a doozie, took advil and fell asleep

so for me i'd say mainly stubborness with a certain amount of denial, even though i'm fully aware why i woke up gurgling like a dog :)
 
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I'm disoriented I can be mad or sad or even cuss someone out.I always get a bad headache when I have a big seizure.
 
When I'm first coming out of a grand mal I don't know where I am. I also am not aware, in any way, of my body or if I even have one, seriously. I feel desperately sad. I have a bad sense of frustration with my breathing. I have to struggle to breathe, and my breaths come in short rhythmic patterns. Weird, eh? You'd think that with a couple of minutes this would stop, but it usually doesn't. It can go on until I'm fully conscious or sometimes (during the 'good' ones) disappear fairly quickly and let me sleep, which seems to be the almost universal desire we have after a grand mal. When I awake I have that feeling we all seem to get, and with good reason. It's that feeling that you've just been beaten senseless by a big ass gorilla while trying to run a marathon in a phone booth. How about you?
 
I usually say 'been in a train wreck' but that's definitely more descriptive :)
 
Simply put, after a T/C, I would be tired, uncomfortable, confused, and achey.
I only had a few, thankfully.

After a partial seizure, I'd pretty much be back to normal right away. Probably didn't even realize many of them happened.
 
I've become quite facinated by the very point in which I regain consciousness after a t-c; nearly all my senses aren't working, I have no memory, I usually can't move or talk, and for a short while I'm lying there in complete unmoving darkness/silence, and all that makes me up 'me' is just a very low level understanding that I am me.

Sorry if this sounds weird, but I actually appreciate experiencing that after a t-c, or rather, I appreciate being an observer as my mind recreates 'me', with my normal abilities/memories/senses etc.

Not many people at all have the opportunity to break down all the clutter, and see the different parts that make us get put back together in that way- for me it's very cathartic..
 
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Slim,
No, that's not so weird. I sure wish I had your 'wakening symptoms'. It must be fascinating indeed. I'd like to forget mine, but they are seared into my memory like a cattle brand.

I had brain surgery twice to install electrodes in my thalamus and program them to inhibit the awful hand tremors I picked up while taking Depekote. What's strange is that after a year and a half of testing, including the pleasure of a three day video EEG study and countless procedures, they decided I could undergo the Deep Brain Stimulation surgical procedure in spite of the Epilepsy. The point is, after the whole thing, I found the surgery, for which you must be awake, the most pleasurable part of the whole business. It was fascinating, and seeing the results when they hit the 'sweet spot' was cool beyond words.

So, in a way, I can understand your feelings during the "rebuilding" phase. I just wish my own was as enjoyable as my brain surgery was.
 
Wow that does sound cool. Grim, but cool lol

It's very hard to describe really, and I'm not even sure it's not some kind of lucid dream as I come out of unconsciousness. It's like being in a dark house and slowly switching on the lights in every room, and as I try and remember back I eventually get to a foggy memory of that 'empty' state before everything starts turning on again- and I just find that totally mad for some reason :)

Seizures are a total PITA- don't get me wrong- but I have to admit, while I'm in that state before I start coming-to properly, it's extremely peaceful and relaxing..
 
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I guarantee you that every TC person reading your last two posts is now very jealous.

I'm just sincerely happy for you.

This is exactly what I was hoping for on this thread. It feels less lonely to read all these descriptions of that state that only a big fat Tonic Clonic can bring. I guess you could say that we're a rare and exclusive group. It kind of reminds me of that old Groucho Marx line though, "I wouldn't want to be a member of any club that would have me."

Keep the descriptions coming. Remember, it's just about the state of mind you find yourself in as you regain "semi-consciousness". I'm looking for a common thread here, and I think I see one developing.

Somehow this is making me feel better about myself.
 
Ugh

Immediately after a T.C., I'm have a sense of paranoia and extreme dread. This is akin to something coming for me. Something is coming to kill me, I don't know what it is, but I know it's coming. It makes me violent, once leading to the police coming with the ambulance, because my girlfriend was scared. Believe it or not, having a police escort during post ictal paranoia isn't the best thing. Suddenly, the men in blue are in my house, while I'm throwing up, and I'm certain something is coming to kill me. MAYBE ITS THE POLICE. ITS A GOVERNMENT COVERUP. Yeah, I thought that...

This feeling lasts an hour or two, with a slow tapering. The first few minutes are very bad, and lessening as time goes on. The feeling doesn't go away for a few days. The next day (I have noctural seizures) I still have a paranoid feeling, but it doesn't make me act in irrational ways.
 
Interesting, Havok. Those feelings of dread and paranoia are what I get when I'm lucky enough to have an aura. During my first several seizures I could absolutely swear there were people behind me whispering in malevolent tones. Problem was, I had my back to a wall. I think those emotions are not too uncommon among this group. I can sometimes experience extreme fright with absolutely no apparent reason. I guess those are just the circuits being shorted at that particular moment...!
 
Usually: I find myself in odd position, achey and feeling run over by truck, a feeling like I've been holding my breath and my heart rate is high to replace the oxygen. I have disorientation with a severe headache, but with enough sensory input to not feel terrified.

Rarely (and I DREAD this): I am completely without any normal sensory input. I can't feel my body, I'm in the dark, I can't hear anything and I have an overwhelming sense of doom... because my mind is in there trying to make sense of this state and always associates it with some fatal injury or lack or oxygen. It makes me start fighting. I wish I could get to the place SlimBlue goes. LATER on-- MUCH later on I can oooo and aaaaa at all the weird things that happened from that point forward... cause some really are quite interesting... but my mind, unfortunately, thinks it's near death. Even when I finally know where I am and know I'm alive, and people keep telling me I've had a seizure, I get very, very, PARANOID and mistrustful of everything else they are saying and doing and sometimes combative (out of character)-- as if I'm stuck in fight mode.

One of the things that I can see being peaceful LOOKING BACK, but not in the moment , is that there really was ZERO physical pain or sensation in that state and, for me, sound becomes all different shapes, colors and bursts. It's not a bad place to be if I wasn't so bleepin terrified. I wish I could get myself ot understand that I've had a seizure. I don't know if it's because I get no warning-- but my mind goes straight to terror.

Thanks for starting this thread. I've never been able to talk about this stuff with anyone and I'm not the type of person to admit to friends and family that I get scared.
 
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Giveasmile,
I don't have the combative thing, and I do know that's not really you. But, other than that, you and I have very similar post ictal inner feelings. I especially identify with the Breath holding thing, for real. My wife says that early on in my more 'violent' seizure period, that I wouldn't breathe at all during my Gran Mals. Sometimes I went for three to four minutes without breathing. Hell, I sure can't do that while I conscious! She said that I was a lovely shade of blue, and that she was holding the phone in her hand and had just begun to dial when I "quit not breathing", regained consciousness and then slept like a baby. I guess I was pretty shot. Thanks for your input.
 
I just saw this thread again in a search, and I thought this might be helpful to you for your analysis- I remembered chatting about something similar.(deserves to be bumped anyway :) )

I've tried to record the process as best I can- it's not always the same, but pretty much:

1. No senses, no thoughts, just inner me switched back on.
2. Vision, but no processing. <-- really weird lol
3. Aware there's an outside, but no understanding of it.
4. Understanding of being somewhere. <-- the main 'I'm back'.
5. Thoughts, but really mashed up, more sensory understanding, but still garbled.
6. Time-line starting to reform (no memory of pre-ictal stuff though)
7. Able to 'speak' inside, but not able to outside.
8. Able to answer some basic questions, but most still confuse me.
9. Getting much better at understanding, and speaking.
10. Even though by this time I've been seeing and hearing ok, I still have no concept of things like the pool of blood I'm in lol or pain <-- leads to wandering round with broken limbs, or spouting blood etc..

From then on, things just get better at being processed I guess but I still have no concept of pain for ages. In fact it's usually not till the next day when it really hits me.
Click to expand...

I've got no idea how long 1-5 actually take though- seems quite a while, but then so do dreams..
 
In my case, I've experienced jamais vu after some. Other times I'll bounce back to normal without even knowing anything happened.
 
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