Dating while Jerking... (I know, I know....)

[AndrewIrish]

Hey all,

I have myoclonic jerks which are triggered by conversation - to put it in more context... anytime I'm 'nervous', 'too focused' or trying to 'think of what I'll say next'... my jerks effect my speech and if I try to push through it, it puts me on the edge of a TC...

As you might I'm imagine I'm a fairly quiet fellow... or rather I use as few a words as possible and remain calm and inattentive when speaking... ironnic thing is I work in a call center... but in that case, I can dictate the pace of the conversation, take a lot of pauses and so forth, so I'm okay most of the time... sidetrack but funny note...

It's been 3 weeks since I seperated from my wife and there's a girl at my job I've always thought was cute, she's a big gamer nerd, we chat on smoke breaks.... but she always commands the chit-chat and I just nod my head... a manager at work I talk baseball with causes me issues and I stutter and spasm a lot... he gives me really funny looks but he's a nice guy...

A lot of people think I have Tourettes or an actual stutter... they can't possibly know what's actually going on...

I've had 1 brief girlfriend and then my wife... in my entire life... was with the wife for 8 years living together... I'm very nervous even trying to figure out how to ask this girl I like if she'd like to hang out... I'm not sure if I'm aiming for romance right now but if it happens... I'll cross it when I get to it... anyways... I'm off track...

I appear very disengaged and cold in conversations, I'm sure... I just don't know how to fix that... it gets hard for me to talk and think of words during... 'rapid conversation'... and this is a very 'rapid fire' quick-talking gal... I've jerked a few times while talking to her and I've gotten 'the look', I've grown accustomed to, as if I've grown a second head fot an instant...

Okay... simple question time...

If it's physically hard for me to talk... how do I talk?

 

[N Sperlo]

Keep it at your pace. Do you use your hands when talking? Using them to slow down the conversation may help, although the jerks could change that for you. If you need to slow down a minute, just say ,"bear with me for a second".
If you talk slowly and somewhat quietly, people are in a way forced to listen. You can take advantage of that fact as well.
I'm not familiar with your situation at all, so take this advice with a grain of salt. I hope it helps.

 

[AndrewIrish]

I've tried that yea... but I've found it kinda puts a 'buzzkill' into a conversation especially if you're talking with more then person... and I'm not ashamed of having epilepsy but I don't wanna exactly have to advertise it everytime I have a conversation with a disclaimer or constantly 'pausing' a flow of conversation... I want to appear as "normal" as possible... I guess I wonder if anyone has the same 'speaking' or 'conversation' trigger and if they know a technique to... curb it or if they've found a way to work around it... I want to hack my brain and if not fix the core problem... maybe mask it enough so it's not so intrusive...

 

[AndrewIrish]

This video is a couple years old as well... and it's not the most flattering... but it kind of informs a bit what my 'jerks' look like although when they happen when I'm nervous they're a bit stronger... I just happened to catch these on video one time...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ChXvf8VTR4U

 

[valeriedl]

Try asking her out on a casual date. It doesn't have to be a big fancy sit down and eat dinner with a bottle of wine that's going to last all night. Do something out in the open where you don't feel like your trapped in the same room with her. Maybe just go out for ice cream, coffee or if there's anything else similar to those where you live.

Talk about thinks that you feel comfortable with. You said she is a gamer so talk about that or other things that you know you have in common. You can talk about work too but don't spend the whole date doing that. You don't need to tell her how beautiful she is and you love the way the wind blows in her hair. You can tell her that she looks nice in what she's wearing but say it in a casual way.

I have trouble talking at times, I don't know if it's epilepsy related or just me. I'll say a sentence and it comes out like I speak a foreign language trying to learn how to speak English. The words get put in the wrong places, I may slur my speech and I will stutter at times. I'll start laughing and say something like "Uhhh, I just can't talk today!" The other person will laugh too.

I have the worst time thinking of words, again I don't know if it's epilepsy related or just me. I'll be talking to someone and can't figure out what the word is so I'll describe it. For example: "You know the cold thing that you put food in" - refrigerator. Or "Those furry things that run around the house" - cat. I'll laugh and say something like "Uhhh, my mind isn't working right today!" The other person will laugh too.

If you start to get nervous tell her that you need to use the bathroom and go take a few minutes to yourself to calm down and think about all the good things that have happened so far. Just don't do it 10 times during the date.

If you are jerking a lot and feel comfortable enough you can tell her you have myoclonic jerks. I don't know if she knows you have epilepsy or not but you could tell her that one of the side effects (if that's what you consider them?) are the jerks. She may understand more about why they are happening.

I hope this helps any.

Go ahead and ask her out! What's the worst that can happen? She'd say no!

 

[kirsten]

I have to say I don't think your jerks are an issue at all. I had a relationship with a guy who had a severe stutter and it was part of his charm. He never tried to explain it or point it out. He just accepted it as part of himself (or that is how it seemed.) I'm not sure if I'd have fallen for him quite as hard as I did if he didn't have that stutter, and didn't take it as part and parcel of what he was. And that was when I was 20 and at the height of my shallowness.

Those movements in the video are really not distracting or a buzz kill. Pointing them out or not talking because of them would be, though. I wouldn't have paid much mind to them if you hadn't pointed them out. Take it like my ex--they just are, and anyone who has an issue with it isn't worth the attention anyway.

On the other hand, three weeks after separation you want to date?

 

[notime]

I've never been in a relationship so I am not qualified of giving an answer, but I do agree with a lot of what valeriedl said... This has probably been answered by your doctor, but have you thought about taking some anxiety or some medication to calm you down? It's just something you may want to look into, but this could also be dangerous, so... I've heard alternatives such as meditation or yoga would work for reducing stress, but I've never worked for me. Just thought perhaps it could reduce your shaking if that's what triggers it, but I am not a doctor (hopefully one day though) anyway. It shouldn't stop you from dating, just be honest, and if it doesn't work out perhaps it wasn't meant to be? Hopefully it'll be fine though.

 

[Bidwell]

AndrewIrish -- I have a somewhat similar problem, the difference being you are a 26 yr old man and I am a 76 year old woman. That is SOME difference. So far I have not found any satisfactory solution.In the meantime I smile a lot and am interested in what everyone says. [Fortunately it is really true. I am interested.] The worst is when I forget what is going to happen and start to talk anyway.
I am wondering if yoga and meditation might work well to shorten recovery time.For me recovery time is an issue. IF I have any good ideas I will let you know.

 

[valeriedl]

Those movements in the video are really not distracting or a buzz kill. Pointing them out or not talking because of them would be, though. I wouldn't have paid much mind to them if you hadn't pointed them out. Take it like my ex--they just are, and anyone who has an issue with it isn't worth the attention anyway.

I agree. If you wouldn't have said anything about them I wouldn't even have noticed them. It sort of looks like you are having a hiccup every so often. You said they get worse when you are nervous though but still they didn't seem that bad.

Also as she said - "anyone who has an issue with it isn't worth the attention anyway"

 

[MrE]

I dated myself...but he was being a real jerk so I left and realized I should stop cheating on my loving wife for my "jerk-off" self

 

[C0urt]

you just have to find where you fit

 

[N Sperlo]

That reminds me of the sausagefest we had recently. I still need to go pick up my sausage...

 

[MrE]

I want some beef jerky...homemade...not that processed junk