Dealing w/ Denial (I think)

[Blue Eyes]

Until spring, my very minor seizures were well-controlled with a low dose of Lamictal for eight years. Then,in the spring, a friend who is a nurse witnessed an absence seizure, and I began having breakthrough nocturnal simple partials. A week ago, I had a seizure that included fear, strange thoughts, loss of hearing, vision, and eventually consciousness. No shaking, though (what kind of seizure is that?) I am told that it lasted 5 minutes and that my pulse was rapid and erratic. I was with friends in a "dead zone," so they could not call for help. I awoke as they were preparing to take me to the hospital. My speech afterward.

In the last week, I have given up my license for six months, been told that I have to double the Lamictal, and have dealt with word-finding issues, brain fog and fatigue. I'm feeling grumpy and down, as you can imagine. Giving up my license was a HUGE blow. One of my kids is a teen with special needs. I'm used to taking him to therapies and specialists each week. Now, my husband has to take off from work for appts. I hate being tied to the house.

I keep questioning what happened. Maybe it wasn't a seizure. Maybe I made a mistake giving up my license. I haven't doubled up my Lamictal, yet, and I'm fine. Not one single event in the last week. I feel angry and I feel guilty. I feel like I brought this whole mess on my family.

Are my feelings normal?

Blue Eyes

[Cint]

Blue Eyes,

The type of seizure you describe sounds like a complex partial, where one doesn't actually pass out or shake, but goes into the "dead zone" and doesn't respond when spoken to and sometimes experiences strange thoughts and has irrational fears and may/may not lose hearing and vision. And speech is definitely affected. When I experience a complex partial, it takes at least 30 minutes or more before I can talk coherently again.

So your feelings of anger and guilt are normal, but you did the right thing in giving up your license. Think of accidents that have been avoided by you not driving.

I had to give up my license for years and my husband was a pilot, so was gone for days at a time. My son had a bad case of asthma, so was in and out of the docs and hospitals and I had to find ways to get him there, since we had no family nearby. I felt totally useless at the time.....

[Nakamova]

Hey Blue Eyes, it can be tough to accept upping your medication, or losing your driving privileges when your seizures don't seem serious enough. It's your call to make of course, but losing consciousness/control -- even partially -- just doesn't mix well with driving. Six months may feel like a long time, but it will go quickly enough, and you should be able to gauge your level of seizure control during that time.

After you've had a seizure, you may feel like you're "good" for awhile, so why up the meds? That's how it's felt for me on occasion. But I've noticed that over time, my seizures change or progress if they aren't completely controlled. You may not need to increase your Lamictal dose, or increase it as much as your neurologist wants you to, but you should think carefully about why you may be having breakthrough seizures, and what might happen if your seizures get worse. If your breakthroughs are just a fluke, can you think of a reason why? Were you ill, or unusually tired? Did you miss a dose? Were there particular triggers that you can avoid in the future?