Don't Recognize Self in Mirror! What is Real?

[tsspinklady]

So I am pretty sure that I've completely gone crazy and I don't trust myself. Several times today while shopping at the mall, I would round a corner and unexpectedly meet myself in a mirror...and EVERY time it happened that way, it took me a moment to realize that I was looking at myself!! Will someone PLEASE explain that to me? At the same time, however, everyone I encountered at the mall and the Olive Garden looked very very familiar, like I SHOULD know them but can't place them....and my husband kept telling me that they were not people we knew. So strangers look familiar to me, but I don't look familiar to myself -- does that make any sense? Has anyone experienced that? Is it the Keppra? My house doesn't feel familiar at all, but I know intellectually that this is my house because there are pictures of me on the walls.

My short term memory is terrible, and it's making me so incredibly confused - i have no back story on anything. I was hanging up clothes this afternoon, and I kept saying, "when did I buy this pair of pants? how long have I had this shirt? did I just buy that purse?" I guess on a positive note, it's like instantly getting a whole new wardrobe, I just really didn't want it to happen in this way, because I FORGOT that I owned the clothes!

Oh, and this morning, my husband and son gave me my mother's day present. and my hubby said, "is this what you were wanting? do you remember telling me that you wanted this object and pointing it out to me in a magazine, specifying the color and telling me where it could be purchased?" So let me just tell you all that i have ZERO memory of having that specific conversation with my husband.

So I'm just really questioning reality at this point -- what is real? Am I dreaming all of this, because that would make more sense to me. I have this urge to do something that is really crazy, because I'm thinking that maybe if I do something crazy, it will be enough to "wake" me up from this "dream" I feel I'm living. How much time have I lost? How much time will I lose? Will I remember posting this message in another hour? If I'm self-aware at this moment in time, how come tomorrow I'll not remember this moment of self-awareness?

UGH! This totally BITES! I wish I had answers...i'm just swimming in a sea of confusion, that only gets more confusing every day.

[tsspinklady]

Just talked to my mom, and she was talking to some doctors this afternoon who had themselves had unexplained seizures, and one of them nodded his head in agreement with how she was describing my out of body / not myself feelings to him -- he told her that it might be because I was immediately put on 500 mg of Keppra twice a day (instead of my dosage being gradually increased over time) and that my side effects could be more prominant because of this.

I know that what I'm dealing with is side effects of meds and still being in a postictal state from the seizures...but that doesn't make them any easier to handle or make it easier to focus/concentrate/remember/etc.

[RobinN]

My daughter was coming off of Tegretol, which had caused vision loss from time to time for her. She had an episode that I have written about here in the archives, where she came to at school, and had total memory loss. I picked her up at school, and she could not remember her family, house, what she liked or disliked. She knew how to do things, such as read, do math, etc, but this lasted for two months. She came out of it as quickly as she was taken by this... except when her memory returned it was two weeks prior to the date that she lost her memory. Very odd indeed.

The brain is fascinating, and can cause some unusual thoughts, sights, and feelings to occur. I believe anything is possible. It could be your meds, and it could be a mix up in the brain function itself. I think the "wires" can sizzle and can create abnormal patterns.

Rebecca eventually came off of the meds because we had no luck in over a year. Her seizures increased with each med, and the % chance that a new med would work, goes down with each attempt. Now we are taking her for Neurofeedback therapy, and her seizures have been greatly reduced. She is also helped by bio-identical progesterone, and nutritional changes, and supplements that support brain function.

I hope you get this cleared up because it must be a very odd feeling to not know who, what, where, when, why and how.

[epileric]

I have a bad memory but I've learned to compensate. I also think that I know almost everyone I see from somewhere else. Sometimes I figure out who I'm mistaking them for but not usually.

When you described how nothing has a back story & hanging your pants I flashed back to when I was on Keppra. I had that exact same effect on me. I'd forget things that I deliberately tried to memorize. A classmate was surprised I'd forgotten something since the day before I'd told her how to remember it (I still don't remember telling her anything).

Good luck with it. Hopefully the side-effects lessen or you can find another anti-epileptic drug that works as well or better. I found that besides awful side-effects keppra seemed to increase my seizures so keep track of how many you're having so you can check if they're decreasing or increasing.

[Bernard]

{{{tsspinklady}}}

IIRC, all the dreamlike/disconnected experiences are related to the temporal lobe of the brain.

Just think - some people take narcotics hoping to achieve what you are experiencing "for free".

[BuckeyeFan]

Doesn't sound like the Keppra to me. You are still on a fairly low dosage. Though I don't rule out anything anymore with E.

Sounds more like the E itself, more specifically a combination of simple and complex Partial seizures. It is amazing the 'tricks' our brain can play on us. The 'out of body' or 'hovering above myself' experiences really intrigue me because logically none of our senses would allow this to occur. I get a lot or perception symptoms with my auras, but they are always coming from within my body.

See your doctor soon about this. Have your family write as much of this down for you as they possibly can.

[tsspinklady]

Thanks to everyone for your perspectives on this. It just feels nice to talk among people who at least have SOME frame of reference with this -- my friends have been reacting to my experiences with fear. Thanks for allowing me the opportunity to share.

[brain]

(((((( Pink Lady ))))))

I experience times like those, and I've had to learn to
adapt and it's difficult and hard. I feel so lost at times
that it's hard to comprehend. My long term memory, its
good, but somewhat distorted, but my short term memory
is hideous, except on good days, and it's like a roller
coaster at times. Even though I am a very organized person,
I still become in total disarray at times, especially during
the postictal stage or in complex partials, whereas it leaves
me bewildered, confused, and in a daze.

It wouldn't matter if I was on anti-epileptic drugs or not, it
effected me, however the anti-epileptic drugs I am on now
does help tremendously in reducing this problem, but the
problem is still there and always will be. This is something I
have to learn to cope, adapt, and live with. My Doctors are
fully aware of this issue, and if you've not disclosed this
with your Neurologist / Epileptologist, then I encourage
you to. The current medication you on, I have to agree
with Buckeye's post, it's too low of a dosage to be of
any impact upon you.

I wonder if you've ever had any EEG or video EEG? And what
did they diagnosed you with?

[tsspinklady]

This has all happened so quickly, that i'm not sure what i've been diagnosed with (or rather i forgot). My first seizure that we know about for sure was on May 1st. I had three before going to the hospital - may 2, 3 & 4 between 5 and 6 a.m. in my sleep. My husband noticed them. I think i had one on may 1 too, just due to the confusion i was experiencing that day. I went to the hospital on may 4 for one night and was discharged the evening of may 5. I don't remember much of that following week....and i visit the neurologist for the first time today. (I met him in the hospital.) I had a bout of seizures four years ago after my first trimester of pregnancy with my son, but chalked it up to something related to the pregnancy.

I'll update the forum after my visit today, hopefully i'll have more information to share. Thanks so much!!!!!