Ecstatic Episodes without secondary generalized?

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So, I think, I had an ecstatic episode finally. I was thinking on this friend I am falling in love with, this girl, and how complicated it is because I cannot let her know and have to maintain friendship, thus making it platonic and courtly. I was writing poems expressing my love. Then I became very excited and calm, in a blissful, excited, yet peaceful state. I felt at one with being, love, and everything. I understood, at that moment, the very meaning of love. I love her and I desire her purely. Love, I said, is to want to be one with another. Often this "being on" is used as an axiom or aphorism, but I really felt this. I understood at that moment that love is at the very same moment, the very same second a single act of giving and receiving. We should not think of giving as one act of love and receiving as another. No, they are one single act, acting together sweetly. It is of course impossible to really understand, but at that moment I understood it as best I could. I felt that I was in heaven, and that moment felt that I knew what the presence of God is like. I said why do we seek all these vanities? Why all these sins, when there is happiness like this? At that moment, all the vanities and pleasures of my sins seemed foolish, and I hardly understood why I could desire them. That moment was so sweet. It was heaven itself. And I loved her and desired her, not sexually, but purely, and if in marriage, chastely in the sexual act. What I mean is that all my desires were rightly aimed.

But I did not have a convulsive seizure. I did, after laying down, have some more than usual partials that made me think that once I did start to fall into a deeper sleep I was going to have a gran mal. I was worried, too. But I wondered if for that moment of bliss, those minutes, if it was worth it. Yes the whole disease was worth it for that!

Can you have ecstatic episodes without a gran mal following it? It seems it almost had to be and I stand 75% convinced it was, but I have read that a tonic-clonic follows. But they are a type of partial seizure,, and those do not always become tonic-clonic, especially for me.

I am hoping it was a seizure because that would be cool. And of course, I want to feel it again. Maybe it was psychological though. I do not know.
 
It's definitely possible to have a partial seizure that doesn't generalizing into a tonic-clonic (grand mal). Do you know in which part of the brain your seizures arise? Psychic sensations (including feelings of elation) tend to originate in the temporal neocortex, and pleasant sensations are associated with the middle lower temporal area. You might be interested in the article at this link: http://www.epileps.ch/PDF/ecstatic-seizures.pdf which includes discussions of seizure-related sensations very similar to those you describe.
 
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Almost all of my seizures are simple partial and complex partial. They normally stop there and don't go into a tonic clonic. I do have tonic clonic but very rarely, maybe once or twice a year.

I don't' think I've had any sort of ecstatic episode before a seizure. I usually only get very confused.
 
Almost all of my seizures are simple partial and complex partial. They normally stop there and don't go into a tonic clonic. I do have tonic clonic but very rarely, maybe once or twice a year.

I don't' think I've had any sort of ecstatic episode before a seizure. I usually only get very confused.

Yeah, I used to have tonic-clonics up until about a year ago. I had two episodes of status epileticus which really scared me, but which also helped get better treatment because the reality of the problem was seen. At first it seemed my epilepsy was pretty mild. Then in May of 2012 I woke up violently shaking. 911 was called. In July it happened again. I woke up on the floor shaking. My mom came in and called 911. The hospital records said I seized multiple times. I was semi-comatose for 3 days. My neurologist did not want me to be alone for a while. My last neurologist, ,saying I was at slight risk for SUDEP did not want me living alone if I could help it. Since seeing the doctors at the University of Kentucky things have gotten better, but still regular partials. After the status epileticus episodes the partial episodes became common. I had to quit work and file for disability which I just got. It has gotten a lot better since then, but only because I was able to get Medicare and great treatment.
 
You sound similar to me. I've had epilepsy for almost 12 years now.

When I had my very first seizure I had to be put into a coma for at least 2 weeks because I wouldn't stop seizing. Luckily I had been spending the night at the man's house I had been dating at the time and he called 911. If I had been at my place alone I probably would have died.

I think I was in the hospital for a month before the drs felt it was ok for me to go home.

I lost at least 10 years of memory. There's a little bit of things that I do remember during that time but not too much. Did anything like that happen with you? My memory still isn't that great. After I have a seizure I tend to forget what happened that day. There are many people like this.

I had to quit my job and move back home with my parents because I couldn't be alone. I also had to file for disability and I'm on Medicare.

I was probably having at least one seizure a day. I don't think many of them were TCs but I'm sure there was one in there every so often. I got a VNS and I'm taking a good bit of meds. Both have helped with the amount of seizures I have a month and they aren't nearly as bad as they were at first.

I pretty much know what you're going through if you ever want to talk let me know.
 
You sound similar to me. I've had epilepsy for almost 12 years now.

When I had my very first seizure I had to be put into a coma for at least 2 weeks because I wouldn't stop seizing. Luckily I had been spending the night at the man's house I had been dating at the time and he called 911. If I had been at my place alone I probably would have died.

I think I was in the hospital for a month before the drs felt it was ok for me to go home.

I lost at least 10 years of memory. There's a little bit of things that I do remember during that time but not too much. Did anything like that happen with you? My memory still isn't that great. After I have a seizure I tend to forget what happened that day. There are many people like this.

I had to quit my job and move back home with my parents because I couldn't be alone. I also had to file for disability and I'm on Medicare.

I was probably having at least one seizure a day. I don't think many of them were TCs but I'm sure there was one in there every so often. I got a VNS and I'm taking a good bit of meds. Both have helped with the amount of seizures I have a month and they aren't nearly as bad as they were at first.

I pretty much know what you're going through if you ever want to talk let me know.

Geez, I am lucky. Such a horrible story. My memory is not as good--a neuropsychologist diagnosed me with dementia because of it, which of course is not only Altzeimers, but wide range. Also I have trouble spelling now, getting letters confused in words, and remembering the "right word". Do you have a seizure dog? Also are not not a candidate for brain surgery?
 
There are people who have worse stories than me, I just feel luckily I'm alive.

I was unable to have brain surgery because I have damage to both sides of my brain which is why my neuro suggested getting the VNS. To be honest even if I were able to have brain surgery I don't think I'd have the guts to go through with it.

I've been living with my husband now for about 10 years. He usually knows when I'm starting to have a seizure before I do and tells me to use my magnet. Sometimes the VNS will stop me from going into a complex partial and sometimes it won't. It will usually bring me out of the seizure quicker when he uses the magnet on me while I'm having the seizure.

I don't have a seizure dog but I do have what I call a 'seizure cat'. My cat is also pretty good at knowing when I'm going to have a seizure before I do too. He will get on me and won't let me move. He'll stay on me until he thinks it's ok for me to get up. He's a pretty big boy and not easy to push off. He's good at taking care of his mommy.

I could never spell, it was my worst subject in school. I was so glad when 'spell check' came out because I was always getting bad grades on things due to my spelling.

I have a very hard time thinking of words. I know what I want to say and how to describe it but I just can't think of the actual word. It's really fun when I'm on the phone with a companies help line trying to talk to them. I was having trouble with my refrigerator once. The woman wanted to know what it looked like. I told her it had two doors. The one that is really cold that makes ice (freezer) is beside the not so cold part (refrigerator), not on top of it. She asked where it was in the kitchen and I told her it wasn't by the hot thing that you cook on (stove) so I didn't think that could have been causing any of the problems I was having. Later in the conversation I yelled. She asked if I was ok and I said I was, I just tripped over the little fuzzy thing that runs around the house (the cat). It's really fun!
 


This is my best friend/love of my life all rolled into one. I didn't know that he could alert to my seizures when I adopted him. I just thought he was cute. Then one night he comes up to me whining like crazy and batting at me with his paw. Just as I am thinking, "What the heck is wrong with this dog?" I start to feel the aura coming on. He knows about a full minute before I do. That can make all the difference.

It's too bad that the ADA doesn't allow for seizure cats as well. I know that there are cats who are quite capable of this like yours.^^^
 
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This is my best friend/love of my life all rolled into one. I didn't know that he could alert to my seizures when I adopted him. I just thought he was cute. Then one night he comes up to me whining like crazy and batting at me with his paw. Just as I am thinking, "What the heck is wrong with this dog?" I start to feel the aura coming on. He knows about a full minute before I do. That can make all the difference.

It's too bad that the ADA doesn't allow for seizure cats as well. I know that there are cats who are quite capable of this like yours.^^^

I get them it seems when things of love come up, like a friend I am falling in love with, which may always be platonic. Or I was just watching "Steel Magnolias"--yes I like GOOD chick flick, but not the wishy washy nonsense--and I went into ecstasy and was talking to myself about the beauty and ugliness of death, of love, of Being and how we are one with it, which is God, and that this is Paradise. Even now I am on such a high.

It may be psychological, even psychogenic, but it is beautiful. Maybe it is not a seizure. But Dostoyevsky said his could last for days in some form. I now see how. I know this is not the place for poetry, but I will share I poem I addressed to this friend, though of course she has not read it. She may or may not ever. We are friends through an online class, and she is in Wyoming and I in Kentucky. We are on good terms. Sometimes I think I have been too forward because she does not right back for a while, then all of a sudden I get an email something like "I am so sorry I have not written!!!!! I have been so busy!!!!!! We need to talk when I have more time!!!!" So seems fine with being friends. Anything deeper is more complex. She may sense something deeper in my affection, but she does not seem creeped out. I have managed to be subtle, and she may not even notice.

1. Our distance form one another.
2. Age difference. She is 17 and I am 28. Age is not a problem morally to me. She is legally an adult and looks like a young woman. We are both of age in our states.
3. I am leaning towards Eastern Orthodoxy and she is Roman Catholic. A good one, too, which I like. Very cheerful and innocent.
4. The whole problem of ever making it clear because of the danger of being "creepy" But thinking of her can send me into such ecstasy. I first became charmed by her voice, a deep adult voice, and her keen mind. She is very intelligent. She became more and more charming and when I saw her picture, one of today rather than two years ago, I said, "She is no longer an awkward looking teenager, but growing into a beautiful woman. Not quite beautiful yet, but getting there. Great cheekbones, nice forehead, good skin, wonderful body--not tone, but well shaped. I think she may do ballet. A charming little nose that is not quite Roman. A long neck. But the real thing is her voice and her intelligence. And so I wrote this:


Beloved friend in our Academy,
What is love we asked and do I love you?
It can be pure, or have vulgarity,
Or have some nature in between the two.

Ah, me! The desire that is in my heart,
My poor heart, my heart most longing, loving
I cannot bear from your dear lips to part!

Kiss me, friend, if only with the sweet sound
Of the beauty which is born of your lips.
Bless me with your voice; pray do not confound
My longing, loving soul who by Love’s whips

Drives my heart in that unstable desire
That is at once an ice storm, then one of fire.


And pardon me once again, thinking how wonderful a wife she would make, we living a simple life, free of all the vanities of the world


OUR HOUSE

Young and fresh still, not even fully bloomed,
I sit here thinking on you, loving you,
Thinking on what could be, could be in our house,
Our very fine house, two cats in the yard,
Flowers in the vase, and on the mantle
A statue of the Madonna Most Pure,
Who, bless her, keeps my love for you most pure,
And there in the fireplace I light the fire.
I could spend my life with you Saint Anna,
Though my concupiscence would rather be
In New York, New York, kissing Taylor Swift,
Than there in Wyoming, the simple life,
Without the burden of some famous girl,
Who although sweet, is burdened with base fame.


These thoughts bring such peace. I feel as if I am one with Being. I know what love is, its very nature. All things become on, united in one bond with the divine. It is Paradise itself. To me she is the very nature of love, simplicity and all that is good. I do not even have any sexual desire for her. I know what Socrates meant when he said what he thought love was at the end of The Symposium I understand what Aristotle meant when he said, "Friendship is two souls in one body." It becomes not simply an aphorism, but something that I can understand perfectly. Well, that's what I feel.
 
Haha, funny story! Were you able to explain to her eventually what was going on?

Yes I did but I ended up having to get a new fridge. I know the woman probably had a good time telling all her coworkers about our little chat on the phone!


Some of my thoughts on the girl that you have feelings for but don't know if she has them for you may be because of her age. Since she's young she may not feel ready to settle down into a relationship right away and she could think that you are because you are older. That might be why she is distancing herself from you at times. She may not want to end up loosing your friendship by going into a relationship and then end up breaking up in a year or two.

There is a big age difference between my husband and I. When we met I was 28 and he was 41. No one thought it was creepy that I was dating an older man. I had already had several boyfriends before I met him and he was divorced and had a son before we met. Both of us knew what we wanted out of relationships - he didn't want any more kids and I didn't want any, he was ready to settle down and get a house and many more things like that. It wasn't a 'Maybe we should do this or that' type of thing. I hope that made sense.
 
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Yes I did but I ended up having to get a new fridge. I know the woman probably had a good time telling all her coworkers about our little chat on the phone!


Some of my thoughts on the girl that you have feelings for but don't know if she has them for you may be because of her age. Since she's young she may not feel ready to settle down into a relationship right away and she could think that you are because you are older. That might be why she is distancing herself from you at times. She may not want to end up loosing your friendship by going into a relationship and then end up breaking up in a year or two.

There is a big age difference between my husband and I. When we met I was 28 and he was 41. No one thought it was creepy that I was dating an older man. I had already had several boyfriends before I met him and he was divorced and had a son before we met. Both of us knew what we wanted out of relationships - he didn't want any more kids and I didn't want any, he was ready to settle down and get a house and many more things like that. It wasn't a 'Maybe we should do this or that' type of thing. I hope that made sense.

Yeah, you are right. Better to just be friends for now. And if that is what it stays, the platonic works for me. I am not sure she could properly return the feelings. She might feel an attraction but feel unsure about it. She might say, "Well he is so much older. I think he likes me, but I don't know. Does he like me or is he just..." or not even be sure of what she feels. She is young, is a rather protected conservative Catholic girl raised in large family that was homeschooled. She is not socially awkward of anything--on the contrary she seems very outgoing and well-spoken.
 
I am having another one because I thought on her! Sweet friend, I love you! I watched Merchant of Venice tonight for the class. It is about love. Love for the Jew, but most of all the love of friendship because one is willing to give their own flesh out of that love. That is true friendship and love, so that Aristotle is right to say: Friendship is two souls in one body!!! My only hope in my love of her is to remain friends. If we can do that, I shall be happy. Let her marry someone else! But let us be friends that we may share our souls!
 
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