Feeling sad:(

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Daisyduke

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Hi... I'm so impressed with this group and how others are coping. I hope I can be as strong.
Before getting diagnosed last week I had already been dealing with major depression mostly because of life regrets. My confidence level was so low and then I get the diagnosis of atonic seizures which means I can just fall again anytime, anywhere.
I'm so fearful of falling again that I'm afraid to leave my house. I'm 53 and a total mess. My husband and I are moving in a new home and I was planning on getting involved in the neighborhood as they have exercise classes but now I'm afraid to participate. I use to enjoy wine but now need to give that up as
well. I'm in a new state that I don't like and I have no close family...just my husband and we have been growing apart. We have no children which is a big regret.
I had thought about adopting before this happened as I would love to provide a home for a child and help them feel save, loved and help them to accomplish their dreams.
My 2 rescue dogs are my only happiness right now.
I hate feeling sorry for myself as I know there are people hurting much more than I am and they manage their lives.
Thanks for listening,
Daisyduke
 
Hello,
Venting is just fine, and in your case you have a lot of major stresses going on; moving, a chronic illness, losing old friends and neighbors, marital issues and the stuff that comes along with getting to be the age you are. (I'm 55, as is my wife. I know what we go through at this time of life.)
As I have told people before, don't compare yourself to others. Your pain is your pain, and know that other people are better or worse off does nothing to take away the pain you're feeling. Recognize that there are things going on that make you really sad and find ways to deal with them. Vent here, find a counselor, (for yourself and for you and your husband), get involved with that exercise group anyway and just let them know you may collapse from time to time, whatever. You could volunteer to visit with people at a nursing home. Being around other people can be a good thing. I'm glad you have your dogs. Animals are wonderful.

Stay in touch here for venting and support and do what you need to do in your new place. You'll make it.

Carry on!
 
I agree with Arnie, Daisy.
Do what you want to do! Don't let this defeat you! It will get better. The best thing to do is to stay busy. The more you sit and ruminate the worse you will feel for yourself.
Make a list of all the things you are grateful for.
EVERYTHING IS TEMPORARY!
Good Luck!
M
 
Daisyduke,


you can't think of your seizures all the time now that can stress you out.If your thinking you might have a atonic sz and stress can bring on seizures.You just need to accept that you have epilepsy and you have atonic seizures.
Remember there are others worse off than you and you've had a longtime with know seizures at all.
I was diagnosed when I was two and I'm now 52 and my husband also has epilepsy but hasn't had a sz since his surgery when he was 17.You can get out when you have E still having sz's I do and I ride public transit and have for almost 25 years.
You can't let your epilepsy control your life I don't and won't and I refuse to sit at home and wait for someone to take me around.
If you hate feeling sorry for your self than don't!
Belinda
 
I'm so fearful of falling again that I'm afraid to leave my house. I'm 53 and a total mess. My husband and I are moving in a new home and I was planning on getting involved in the neighborhood as they have exercise classes but now I'm afraid to participate.
It's normal to worry about the bad stuff-- but it's also important to look forward to the good stuff! It's important to feel safe, but it's also important to feel connected. Don't let your fears control your life and isolate you from things that bring you joy.

I use to enjoy wine but now need to give that up as well.
Is this a definite for you? I know that alcohol and anti-seizure meds can be tricky for some folks (mostly because each substance reinforces the other's sedative effects), but some of us are able to drink moderately without any problems. I can have a glass of wine (or even the occasional cocktail), and still feel fine. If alcohol is definitely triggering or otherwise problematic for you, consider trying a non-alcoholic beer -- some of them are pretty tasty, and can provide the social/psychological lift you might be missing.

If possible, try not focus on things/activities you might be leaving behind, and instead look forward to the new things you will be learning and enjoying. We'll be right here rooting for you as you do so. :)
 
Daisyduke

Thank you for being impressed, that is a very nice complement to get but we are all just like you, we cope as best we can and we lean on each other, so yes you are as strong. Depression is not easy no matter what the reasons are and I know (a lot here know) the dark places you can wind up in and the thoughts that can go through your head. Confidence is something we all struggle with at some stage, but you need to remember you are well able and capable of doing thinks you just have an extra problem. I am sure that over the years you have dealt with multiple problems together thinking there was no way out, but look at you now you got past them. You are capable and able so you have confidence.

That fear and wonder will be there in the back of your mind all the time to remind you to be careful not stop you doing things, yes it will get less and less until it is like waring a jumper but you have to give it and yourself time, it does not happen over night. So move to a new home, get to know the people around you, get involved, exercise is good for you and can be good for your seizures.

Ok so you used to enjoy a glass of wine, we all have to give up something at some stage and its better not mixing alcohol with your medication but it is your decision, not mine or anybody else. Are you able to have a glass at home in the comfort of your own house?

Kids are something that I would love as well but I have my wife and my dog as well so I suppose I cannot complain but yes I do feel sorry for myself at times but then again I am lucky on several fronts and for me one of the most important is C.W.E. a site with people like you who understand me and are there for me. Do you know that this site was started out of Love.
 
I agree with Nakamova that you should check on being able to have the occasional glass of wine. I'm able to imbibe in moderation with no problem.
 
Fed up,

Thanks for the kind words. This group is a blessing for sure.
What kind of seizure do you have? The atonic causes muscles to give out and you fall on your face. I have a fractured nose, facial scrapes and facial numbness from the recent fall
and I'm terrified of another fall. This all feels like a horrible nightmare.

I also feel a huge stigma and have not told anyone about this which I know is wrong. If it was MS it would be easier to talk about as it doesn't have the ugliness attached to it.

I was a realtor in another state and planned on getting RE license here, considered foster care or adopting an older child, getting more active in animal rescue and taking yoga.
I can't do any of that now because I can no longer drive and have a huge fear of falling on my face again.

I'm bored out of my mind and the anxiety attacks are getting to my husband. I feel bad for him as he is my only family here and I know this is hard on him too.

I have also been noticing small twitches in my legs, arms etc. and wonder if it is related.
My head also feels stopped up and slight ringing in the ears and wonder if that is as well.

Anyhoo, didn't mean to write a book. I hope I can provide the encouragement to someone else that this group is showing me.

Daisy
 
Daisyduke

I have grand mal and had them since I was a child, I have done the damage part myself and still do at times. I know you are terrified and this is not going to go away overnight although a nightmare usually goes after a day or two but thats the good ones. That hugh stigma you talk about is a problem alright, the thing about that is it's not you who has the problem its other people with small minds. So why worry about what others think, its there problem not yours. You can do plenty if you stop and think for a moment there is a lot you can do.

You should sit down and talk to your husband it could help both of you and the tears are good. Now go and get your RE license or something else you want. The jerks could be melancholy jerks and yes it could all be related, so make sure you mention this to the neurologist.

Things look bad now but you need to talk to your husband first, then realise this is not a death sentence but a chance of doing new things with people you have to get to know yet. None of this is straight forward and it will always have its low points but it does have very good points as well. Take things one step at a time with a deep breath.
 
I was diagnosed with epilepsy last summer. The neurologist did not tell me the specific epilepsy, but that it is minor. He suggests medication so that the epilepsy doesn't progress to something more severe, but I am not on medication currently. I have atonic seizures and have had them since I was 7. It's relieving to find others that experience these specific seizures / share my experience. I have had these since I was little and could never identify what was "wrong" with me.

In essence, there is nothing wrong with you. This is your body and how you were built. There is very little you can do except take note on your triggers and experience life with these triggers in mind.

I am currently lying in bed because I drank excessively last night and walking to work, had an atonic seizure episode (had a few small ones while lying in bed). Had to call in to work that I won't be able to come in because I work as a Vet Assistant and the high risk of seizures is dangerous when one is working animals and sharp objects.

I am just happy to know that there are others that have these "falls" or "spells" as I used to call them.
 
Its going to be OK dear. Give your dog a big hug. I am 54 now diagnosed recently and felt pretty much the same, but noticed that while I am changing so is my wife. She was and probably still is scared, but mostly she shows real concern about my condition through actions. Also try gardening it's therapeutic. Also, other people need friends too so go make a new friend. Sounds easy cause it is when you just do it. Peace
 
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