I feel trapped :(

[Bemused Oddity]

It's pretty bad when you don't have the freedoms in life that others do. Ya have a seizure = can't drive for 6 months (it's 6 mths. here). I'm 38 years old and about 2 months ago my parents and boyfriend made the decision that it would be better for me to move back in with my parents where I'd be around someone more often. Sure they had/have my best interests in mind. But at least at my boyfriend's house I felt like I had just a little more freedom than I do here, at my parent's house. My parents are so anal about my appearance. They are VERY conservative. I am not. The say I'm too old to dress the way I do, get piercings, have tattoo's (I only have 1 for Christ's sake!) or color my hair anything other than blond or brown. I'm beginning to feel like I'm in an unreasonably controlled environment. I mean hey........give me a break. I can't drive. There are other things I'd like to do, but can't.
I'm just waiting for them to install a dead bolt lock on the OUTSIDE of my door and lock me in.

[angel]

It's pretty bad when you don't have the freedoms in life that others do. Ya have a seizure = can't drive for 6 months (it's 6 mths. here). I'm 38 years old and about 2 months ago my parents and boyfriend made the decision that it would be better for me to move back in with my parents where I'd be around someone more often. Sure they had/have my best interests in mind. But at least at my boyfriend's house I felt like I had just a little more freedom than I do here, at my parent's house. My parents are so anal about my appearance. They are VERY conservative. I am not. The say I'm too old to dress the way I do, get piercings, have tattoo's (I only have 1 for Christ's sake!) or color my hair anything other than blond or brown. I'm beginning to feel like I'm in an unreasonably controlled environment. I mean hey........give me a break. I can't drive. There are other things I'd like to do, but can't.
I'm just waiting for them to install a dead bolt lock on the OUTSIDE of my door and lock me in.

have you told them how they are making you feel? I'm 38 years old also.... just let them know that you are who you are... in a nice way try not to be short with them...... its the way your express yourself your i bet artistic and dress the way you feel? its your life...

tell them your expressing yourself artistically!! btw how are you feeling on the keppra?

((((((((((((Hugs))))))))))

[montse]

Try to live tour life, but our parents always see as as their children even if one is 43, like me.You are old enough to decide your life, but try also to have a good relation with them, they will hep you when you need it.
Protection actitude is very common in parents who have someone with epilepsy in the family, they are always worried, I can understand it but sometimes it can make me feel my nerves.

[TeeTees]

Ditto all the above.

Unfortunately, parents - at our parents ages - (I'm 38 too) can be a little 'old-fashioned' to put it polite.

I kinda opened my Dad's eyes one day, by telling him that 'I'm sorry I can't be the son that he had always wanted, but this is who I am and I can't change that'....that was a real tough day, which I didn't enjoy, but it has made him understand me a little more, and just love me for me.

Just sit them down gently and have a nice little chit-chat.....kinda explain to them how this is making you feel inside emotionally, and ask them to just allow you to be yourself as you DON'T feel at the moment that there is much of YOU left, what with the freedom being taken away, etc. Maybe they just need a little more understanding off what's happening inside Bemused Oddity, to allow them to take a few steps back.

[Bernard]

If you are an adult, you should be able to talk to your parents as an adult.

Boy: Do not try to bend the spoon; that's impossible. Instead, only try to realize the truth.
Neo: What truth?
Boy: There is no spoon.
Neo: There is no spoon?
Boy: Then you will see, it is not the spoon that bends, it is only yourself.

[Meetz1064]

Bemused Oddity,

I'm so sorry your parents are giving you problems.....I wish I knew what to tell you. I have an idea though, based on what Bernard just had to say...... There is a website It is called butyoudontlooksick.com. Normally it applies to those people in chronic pain...like those who have lupus, fibromyalgia, etc. But about 2/3 of the way down the page is this really NEAT letter written by Christine Miserandino. It's called, NO JOKE, "The SPOON THEORY" MAYBE it MIGHT be helpful? SOMEHOW? Dunno. Thought I'd offer it up.

[alivenwell]

It's pretty bad when you don't have the freedoms in life that others do. Ya have a seizure = can't drive for 6 months (it's 6 mths. here). I'm 38 years old and about 2 months ago my parents and boyfriend made the decision that it would be better for me to move back in with my parents where I'd be around someone more often. Sure they had/have my best interests in mind. But at least at my boyfriend's house I felt like I had just a little more freedom than I do here, at my parent's house. My parents are so anal about my appearance. They are VERY conservative. I am not. The say I'm too old to dress the way I do, get piercings, have tattoo's (I only have 1 for Christ's sake!) or color my hair anything other than blond or brown. I'm beginning to feel like I'm in an unreasonably controlled environment. I mean hey........give me a break. I can't drive. There are other things I'd like to do, but can't.
I'm just waiting for them to install a dead bolt lock on the OUTSIDE of my door and lock me in.

True. But, you can escape with things that other people never explored. I am an accomplished pianist, and hold 2 technical degrees. When all the kids my age started driving, I played piano at home, at school, and studied really hard. I walked everywhere. I did not contribute to today's global warming! Our society is way too much driven (no pun!) around cars. It's so easy to jump in a driver's seat, turn that key and push the pedal than it is to walk a few miles. I found a home near public transportation, convenience stores, a grocery store, doctors, a hospital and an absolute necessity- a mall. I could afford a much larger house, but this allow a backup plan. I shop online a lot to stay out of the heavy holiday traffic. Let those UPS guys do the driving....kind of like having a chauffeur, but not going for the ride.

Have you considered getting a college degree online? There are hundreds of colleges out there. There are Stafford Loans available. Some colleges are really easy. If you're not quite ready for that, then try MindLeaders or Skillsoft. If you join the ACM (Association for Computing Machinery) or the IEEE (an engineering association), you get access to all that training. Mindleaders and Skillsoft are not accreditted training. But, some online colleges were willing to take those into consideration for me. I'm better off when I'm busy. It would give you a chance to talk with people other than your parents. Training in the right field could lead to a job. Once you get that next interview with your degree, find housing near the job.

[Birdbomb]

Three years ago my father was very ill and in a re-hab center. I flew to Florida to help my 79 yr old mother. I dove her to visit my dad daily, to the doctor, store, where ever. I cleaned her house, cooked. She treated me like I was 14 years old! She had a fit if I drove in the rain. If I went to my brother's house, she would call to see if I was really there. It was baazar! I was 50 years old.

Due to family dynamics I WAS trapped in that position. I bucked up a swallowed it. I knew she loved me and ment well. My brother even tried to speak to her but she just didn't or wouldn't understand.

My dad never came home, he died in the hospital, my mother died in her sleep 3 1/2 months later. My last encounter with her was over these stupid issues.

If your parents have no dementia, or mental health issues, and are reasonable adults, you should try to talk to them or get a thrid party to convey your thoughts.

BO, open that door and make the effort to keep lines of communication flowing. They are willing to help you. Now is the time to set up parameters for BOTH sides. Good luck to you.

[Shutterbabe]

Bemused, you are defining yourself as an Oddity
but I do not really think you are at all. We all come in different packages. It does not matter the way others see us as long as you are comfortable in your own skin.

I am an artist and my appearance has always reflected my inner journey. I am 56 years old and began getting tattoo's after my seizures began a few years ago. I am up to 9 works of art on my skin. Some people dislike them; others find it all very cool. They are my choices, my own story. My point is I own them and did not get inked to be outrageous. I did it to be me.

I found the most important thing I could do with Epilepsy is to love myself, accept my new limitations- and then find another way to have a better life. Maybe someone can take your driver's license away, or try to box you in, but no one
can steal your personal power unless you let them.

Continue to be oddly beautiful and find something that makes you feel happy, accomplished and powerful.

There is still a big world out there, just waiting for you. Some of the suggestions from others on this site were truly sterling advice.

Please know that my comments were submitted with respect.

[alivenwell]

Bemused, you are defining yourself as an Oddity
but I do not really think you are at all. We all come in different packages. It does not matter the way others see us as long as you are comfortable in your own skin.

I am an artist and my appearance has always reflected my inner journey. I am 56 years old and began getting tattoo's after my seizures began a few years ago. I am up to 9 works of art on my skin. Some people dislike them; others find it all very cool. They are my choices, my own story. My point is I own them and did not get inked to be outrageous. I did it to be me.

I found the most important thing I could do with Epilepsy is to love myself, accept my new limitations- and then find another way to have a better life. Maybe someone can take your driver's license away, or try to box you in, but no one
can steal your personal power unless you let them.

Continue to be oddly beautiful and find something that makes you feel happy, accomplished and powerful.

There is still a big world out there, just waiting for you. Some of the suggestions from others on this site were truly sterling advice.

Please know that my comments were submitted with respect.

For a different perspective on our current society, I highly recommend that you read a book called 'My First 100 Years'. This was written by a guy who grew up in a very different environment we have today, but his perspective is very vivid and it hits home.
It can be found on Amazon.com. It's a very short book to read, but very powerful. Just read it to believe this.

[alivenwell]

Do you have a dog? If you're not allergic to dogs, you might be eligible for a service dog. They have been known to detect seizures, and they can help you if you are in the process of landing on something hard. I personally think pets are very therapeutic. I obtained a dog from the pound and we have a really close bond. Your parents or boyfriend would have to help you take the dog to a vet for medical checkups. I know my area has a service dog training association. That would mean that you would HAVE to be paired up with the right service dog, be around other people and possibly get some extra companionship that's priceless.