So, I went to my program today, and ive been bottling things up, pretty much since the time i started having seizures..so a very long time ago.
anger issues mainly.. at the lack of ignorance society has towards epilepsy, how many people have for centuries kept it in the dark, mocked it, religious people...educated people.. even medical professionals. Im SO ANGRY at the world and they way they see people with EPilepsy and mental illness. What about religion and God. It doesnt matter if God is real or not. People believe in him, billions of people believe in these 3major Gods that see people like myself as demon possessed. Let me tell you something. I would feel extremly guilty about throwing a bible down the toilet, but God would not feel one once of regret about throwing a "so called demon possessed person" like myself down to hell like myself since im "demon possessed" ( thats if its true like the koran, torah and bible state)
I was in my therapy session...and I finally freaking lost it. It was partly due to a stupid STUPID comment the program director said the other day about "behaving my way out of seizures" (basically thats how it came across) .
My therapist works with her..
Here is what went down. I did raise my voice. I guess I wanted someone to blame. I told her it was her fault, the program directors fault, religious peoples fault, medical professionals peopls fault (majority of them). I said she and the rest of them were no different from a priest who thinks he can come around and do an exorcism on me if SHE thinks I can somehow BEHAVE my way out of Epilepsy...I asked her..what does she want me to do ? a BACK FLIP HAND STAND AND A CART WHEEL TO CURE MYSELF ?
I explained a seizure to me.. when Im in one.. and hallucinating..or whatever Im experiencing for those breif moments .. is as real as the desk infront of me..and afterwards .. ,HOURS afterwards I still believe in it...I NEED someone to TELL me its NOT REAL I DESPERATELY need someone to tell me that.
I totally lost it. I wanted to continue and she asked me to stop and take some deep breaths, I guess I was right on the verge of picking up the book case and throwing it across the room. But I actually feel a little better Ive been bottlingthings up for a long time.
I explained Im tired of them asking me to go out on program trips, I stopped going out with my own friends because of no seizure control.. and ruining their fun...and I dont want to ruin anyone elses ..and I dont owe anyone at this program an explination as to why Im not going. I dont want to be asked again.
I feel better for getting these things off my chest
anger issues mainly.. at the lack of ignorance society has towards epilepsy, how many people have for centuries kept it in the dark, mocked it, religious people...educated people.. even medical professionals. Im SO ANGRY at the world and they way they see people with EPilepsy and mental illness. What about religion and God. It doesnt matter if God is real or not. People believe in him, billions of people believe in these 3major Gods that see people like myself as demon possessed. Let me tell you something. I would feel extremly guilty about throwing a bible down the toilet, but God would not feel one once of regret about throwing a "so called demon possessed person" like myself down to hell like myself since im "demon possessed" ( thats if its true like the koran, torah and bible state)
I was in my therapy session...and I finally freaking lost it. It was partly due to a stupid STUPID comment the program director said the other day about "behaving my way out of seizures" (basically thats how it came across) .
My therapist works with her..
Here is what went down. I did raise my voice. I guess I wanted someone to blame. I told her it was her fault, the program directors fault, religious peoples fault, medical professionals peopls fault (majority of them). I said she and the rest of them were no different from a priest who thinks he can come around and do an exorcism on me if SHE thinks I can somehow BEHAVE my way out of Epilepsy...I asked her..what does she want me to do ? a BACK FLIP HAND STAND AND A CART WHEEL TO CURE MYSELF ?
I explained a seizure to me.. when Im in one.. and hallucinating..or whatever Im experiencing for those breif moments .. is as real as the desk infront of me..and afterwards .. ,HOURS afterwards I still believe in it...I NEED someone to TELL me its NOT REAL I DESPERATELY need someone to tell me that.
I totally lost it. I wanted to continue and she asked me to stop and take some deep breaths, I guess I was right on the verge of picking up the book case and throwing it across the room. But I actually feel a little better Ive been bottlingthings up for a long time.
I explained Im tired of them asking me to go out on program trips, I stopped going out with my own friends because of no seizure control.. and ruining their fun...and I dont want to ruin anyone elses ..and I dont owe anyone at this program an explination as to why Im not going. I dont want to be asked again.
I feel better for getting these things off my chest
