My brother passed away!!!!???!!!!!
My younger brother that found out that he wasn't breathing contacted one of my best friends and he came running like crazy because he only lives about 6 houses down the block and when he saw my brother was just in total shock!
I can't even seem to think and feel of how my brother felt when he discovered that my other brother was no longer breathing and not only that when the paramedic came and told him that he couldn't be saved!
It's just gives me chills down my spine just thinking about that nighmare of a night.
It started out as any other normal day would start out beside the fact that me Kirk the oldest brother and my friend Mike, mom, and my dad were at the Lake that day enjoying ourselves when all of a sudden when my paents went to pick up some firewood and me and Mike were in the cabin when I saw an RCMP car pull up into our drive way and all I could think of at that time was why were they here for?
Then suddenly they asked if I was one of the family members that my younger brother (MARK) was talking to them about, anyways when they told me the terrifying news that my brother had past away that night I basically went crazy for a while (not as in like a crazy man would go crazy) because the news was just unbearably shocking! Even my friend Mike had a hard time believing it for a while until he saw me basically collapse and drop down right to my knees and he tired to support me the best he could because well "how would you feel that if you were the oldest brother in the family and you just recently found out that your other younger brother just passed away?)
I'm pretty sure you get the picture hey?
Anyways my youngest brother that is now presently 16 was at the time 14 which I think would be just way too young an age to just find out that by his own very 2 eyes in front of him layed mine and his brother just in front of him lifeless!
Anyways that was Approximately just over 3 years ago but still I still mourn from his death because abck them I did a terrible thing to him because I was diagnosed with maniac depression at the time and I threw a couple punches at him to his chest and hurt him !!!!
And just by saying that I would have to say that I was definitely caring a huge guilt trip on my shoulders because he passed away even before I could apologize for that rediculously crazy behavour.
So it definitely felt like I was getting punished by god for my sins that I brought forth to my brother before he past away which was just terrible trying to attempt to smash all of the sane part of me I had at that particular part in time anyways!
ANyways after 3 months I think that he told god that since I was going through Maniac Depresion for just about 3 years non stop in a row I think he told god that enough is enough please help Kirk now because my youngest brother definitely needs a new and solid positive role model to take care of him and show him the proper way how to deal with tricky bad situation especially when it comes down to how to deal with my problematic and miserable father so to speak.
Anyways I've been diagnosed with no depression what so ever just after approximately 3 months went by after my brother (Name:Keith) had passed away and that personal nightmare of me being Maniac depressed will always haunt me when I look back in the past when I was 21 to 24 years old!
I'm now 27 years old and still have my down days but I swore to god that i would never ever go down the path to maniac depression ever again for as long as I live not only for my own well being but for my younger 16 year old brother, mom, and dads well being also.
I also cosider my 21 year old brother Keith which I will greatly love and miss for the rest of my life and beyond with all my heart as one of only 2 special gaurdian angels that GOD has hand picked and sent down to help me through hard times throughout my life is one of the greatest gift god could ever give to me!
Rest in peace Keith and know that from the bottom of my heart I will try to set the best possible role model that my brother Mark could ever ask for. OK?
Love your oldest brother Kirk!
Kirk - I am sure that was not easy to write, but it was very heart felt.
I am quite touched by your depth of feeling. I am sure you miss him very much. I am so glad that you made the decision not to be depressed any more. The rest of your family is much better off with you being healthy and strong. I am sure you are a great role model for your younger brother.
There is no doubt that Keith is looking down on you and smiling. Be strong.
I am glad that you shared your story.
...I'm sorry to hear about your loss. But it sounds as though you're living your life in tribute to your brother, and that you're being a great role model to Mark. May God bless you and keep you strong, and may he bring you and your family peace.
Condolences on losing Keith, Kirk. It is comforting to consider him watching over you.
New to CWE? I suggest reading the proactive prescription and epilepsy 101 threads. Also check out this chart of alternative epilepsy treatments and this page on EEG Neurofeedback. More great stuff can be found in the list of the best forum threads.
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So sorry on your loss of your brother, but
I must inform you that you cannot swallow
your tongue. But as Bernard posted below,
he's made it quite clear.
But secondly, you need to stop blaming
yourself for your brother's death.
Indeed, when life upon one that is so young
has been suddenly taken away from us;
whether by an health issue known or unknown,
nature's wrath, careless drivers, or things that
happens beyond our control; We cannot allow
ourselves to be overwhelmed with bitterness
and anger, for it will consume us and eat us
up inside out.
As much as reality is, life itself can be cruel.
Epilepsy can kill, a sad but true fact. All the
more reasons why people who have it and those
who are caretakers or knows someone who has
it and especially those who lost their very own
to it - KNOWS! The very reason why the hate
for Epilepsy and the fight for the cure and for
advocacy and to raise funds for research, other
alternative methods & means, and so forth ...
to put an END TO EPILEPSY and for ALL THAT
IT IS WORTH!
Epilepsy has brought on much heartaches,
broken hearts, much tears; For there are many
parents who would love to have been able to
hold their baby again. There are many Classmates
and Family & Relatives who would love to toss
so and so back into the pool again for being a
smarty pants. There's a family out there minus
a parent who would love to see their Dad or Mom
and likewise their own spouse would love to
see their husband/wife... again. And of course,
Brother(s) and Sister(s) who would want to
play a prank or two one more time with their
EPILEPSY SUCKS ~ It's even worse when one
has been struck with Sudden Unexplained Death in Epilepsy.
All I can do for you is give you hugs .... for I
have Epilepsy and my own family and I know
it can kill me; for I've had close calls, too close
calls with Sudden Unexplained Death in Epilepsy - it's no laughing matter.
It's just not fair sometimes ... just not fair!
I am so sorry for your loss Kirk, you are in my thoughts and prayers.
Kirk, I am so sorry for your loss. I can understand the feeling of guilt as my daughter died from a seizure last year and her 4 year old daughter found her. I was not very educated on epilepsy when my daughter had it and now my granddaughter has epilepsy. I have learned so much since my daughter's death and sometimes I still think to myself that if I only knew then what I know now, she might still be here. But then I remember that God has a plan for all of us and even though we don't understand right now, we will see our loved ones again. I actually have found my strength in volunteering for our local epilepsy foundation and trying to make sure people are educated. Life is too short to focus on "what if".
I offer my condolences to you as well. Obviously you have been through a great deal of pain and loss. At this time, the best that you can do is educate others about epilepsy and how it personally affected you.
I have also lost loved ones and I will never forget them. I also believe that there is a plan for everybody set by God. We just do not know his plan.
You, Mike and Mark will need each other to support each other through this tragedy.
Last edited by alivenwell; 01-15-2008 at 09:59 PM.
Thank you alivenwell. The reason I go to these forums is for support and to hopefully help someone else. This is such a great place with wonderful people. Our stroll for epilepsy was in memory of my daughter last year. I wrote her story which was in the brochure. I know that God has given me a mission and I always say that if I can help to save one person, my daughter's death will then have a purpose.
i am so sorry for you loss. my prayers are with you.
Last edited by Bernard; 01-22-2008 at 08:24 AM. Reason: moved neck pain post to it's own thread - removed comment about it
to bring happiness to you and a touch to the thread, find light in the question marks, find light in the question marks.
Kirk, I really am sooo sorry for your loss - wish there was some magic wand I could wave and make everything right for you.
You're in my thoughts and prayers Kirk
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