being normal

[joey]

hey guys im a 31 year old man with no kids no girlfriend and i bought a cadilac about 4 months ago . knowing im not suppose to drive i got it anyway.
i got a girlfriend about a week after that buying the car . i drove around thinking im cool and having alot of confidence. a month after i had a seizure while driving and tottaled the car and lost the girl. thank god i did not hurt any one and thank god im alive but now im lonely and a grown man without a car.
please tell me why im even here.

[RobinN]

ah joey....
I thought after reading that first sentence that you were going to say that you parked it and climbed in and turned the radio on for fun.

Girl wasn't worth it... another one will be I bet. Any chance of becoming a bicycle rider? There are a lot of cute girls doing that.

You are here... to see the sunsets, to read the fantastic literature available, to listen to incredible music (some here that speber has provided), to taste a good meal, to get a thrill out of seeing baby "anythings", to hear the rain, to feel the wind in your face... I could go on and on, but I think you get the point. There are a lot of ways to enjoy life, you just need to start your search. A cadilac with a girl is not the only route my friend even though the ads want you to believe that.

Do you know Stephen Hawkings? Now there is an inspiration to reach higher.

[joey]

i dont choose things from adds i like to believe that i make the adds im the reason why those things are cool. im a leader traped in a body that does not allow me to set the trends. those are the things i really love. caddilac cruisin is me. i have wrecked two . bothe the same way. i always hear "dont let anything stop you from doing what you love to do. thats what i love and i have to stop just so i dont hurt anybody. cuz if i died cruzin around listening to music than it would not be a tradgedy cuz ill risk my own life to do the things that make me happy!! i have to look out for others and im the type that usually says fuck it.

[RobinN]

It is hard for me to put myself in your situation, as I have never had to give up my freedom of driving. It would be very difficult. I can't imagine it. I worry for my daughter, as a car is so important here in SoCA.

Do you have a pre-crash photo of your cadilac that you can share here? Oh sorry... not yet, you have to join the party for a while before you can post pictures.

CWE is a great place to stomp your feet and scream and shout about your right to drive being taken away.

[Bernard]

Hi Joey, I've moved this thread to the Padded Room. You are free to vent in here. Many members here struggle with depression over quality of life issues like you appear to be doing.

For myself, it just fuels my motivation to solve the root of the problem (ie. get full seizure control). Along those lines, I'd suggest browsing through the best forum threads and the Proactive Prescription for Epilepsy thread in particular.

[morgan381]

hi, joey...not to nag, but you should really get your seizures under control before you get behind the wheel of a car! if you're not worried about yourself, what about others? could you live with yourself if you killed someone...a kid, mother, grandparent, baby...and you got out with only a scratch or broken bone?

i've had to give up driving privilidges before...i know it sucks big time to have to give up your independence! don't let the damn epilepsy stop you from enjoying your life, but you have to be reasonable. you like cars, so do you like to work on them? if so, how about buying a classic fixer-upper and restoring it while you get your seizures under control...then celebrate control with a joy ride

in the mean time, if the meds aren't working, how about checking with your neurologist for a change up. or you could look into alternative approaches--check out robin and bernard's links at the bottom of their posts.

((((hug))) i hope you're feeling better soon
morgan

[skillefer]

Hi Joey! Welcome to CWE....the perfect place to vent. We've all felt frustrated at some point in time. And it is depressing having limits set on us. However, I've found that the best way to deal with the depression and frustration for me was to start taking active steps to control my seizures. And I have the big grand mals.....without any warning. So this is my advice, based on what I've experienced. First, start keeping a journal. Write down how much sleep you get, what you eat and drink, how much stress your under, anything that is stressing you out, as well as whether you have a seizure. Then, after you've kept the journal for a while, check to see if there's a pattern. Are you having seizures when you eat certain things? Are you seizing due to lack of sleep? etc.... Then, if you do see a pattern, start making some changes in your lifestyle that might help you with your seizure control. Check out the info in the library on vitamin supplepments. Several of us have had success in cutting back the number of seizures we have by using vitamin supplements along with our meds. Also, some have turned to alternative treatments like EEG neurofeedback. Also, consult with your doctor.

I know that it's rough being in your 30's and single. Trust me...that was me. The thing is, don't worry so much about the girls. or the cars. What worked for me, was learning to be happy with myself. When I quit worrying about the opposite sex, that's when I started attracting them. As for the car, it's a good goal..something worth working towards. In the meantime, be proactive and look to see what other forms of transportation are available...maybe you might want to take up biking. These are just suggestions. I hope they're helpful.

[BuckeyeFan]

Hey Joey,

I sure am glad you took the chance to unload on us here. You can do that all you want here in the padded room and no one will ever jump on your case. That is why this room was created. (just no X-rated content).

You have every right to be pissed off. I seldom use the word HATE after 9/11, but I use it all the time when talking about E. I hate what it does to me and I hate what it does to those around me. My wife didn't sign up for this when we got married almost 29 years ago. But she has had to live with it for the last 27.

It was some time in my 30s (now late 40s) that I realized that no one is really normal. Everyone has their own disease, is a crime victim, has family troubles, can't afford to put food on the table, etc... I guess I try to make the best of what I have been dealt and go with it.

That doesn't mean that I can't hate E or you can't hate the fact you don't have your Caddy in the drive. We can hate what E does to our lives. The big thing is that we don't let it harm others.

You showed strength by knowing that you can't put others in danger. Many who want to drive ignore that fact.

VENT here anytime you wish!!!!

You can also PM to me anytime you would like if you have any questions you would like to ask privately.



By the way, football season is almost here. I here they have some mediocre teams down in Texas. I hope you like football. It is my favorite sport.

[Meetz1064]

Don't mind Buckeye's jab's about the football teams too much. He's jealous.... he'd like to HAVE some REALLY GOOD football teams in OHIO!!!



BTW, BUCKEYE, WHERE'S MY FILET MIGNON, DUDE???? BETTER GET CRACKIN'!!!! TIME'S A WASTIN'!!! (clock ticking in background.......)


I am sorry though, about the Caddy. That sucks. Better to get control of the seizures, THEN get back to the driving. Safer all around for EVERYONE, INCLUDING YOU.

I understand the "fuck it" attitude.......I quite often have it myself. But, in the grand scheme of things....sometimes, it's not appropriate. In this case, it's not.

Wanting to have the girl by your side is perfectly normal, too. But if she only wants YOU for your car, then SHE is NOT anything to catch, trust me on this particular issue, OK? That is a golddigger extraordinaire....a bimbo. A big time......USER. Is that what you want out of a girlfriend? Someone who's going to USE you all the time? Or someone who's going to give something BACK to you in return?

Sorry, I didn't mean to get on a soapbox there. Please don't get mad at me. I just don't like seeing fellow E people get hurt. And we usually do. We usually get taken advantage of because of the E, and what we're not able to do because of it, and it really burns me up.

I think I'd better shut up while I'm ahead now.......

Toodles.

[joey]

thanks everybody , i really do know the right thing to do i just like to talk shit every once in awhile. i will show pics of my car i will show when i can. i do seem to choose good girls . its just my confidence is what really seems to make or break a relationship for me.well talk to you guys later.

[ashmstng]

Hey Joey~
I do want to say I agree with Robin on this. If this girl cared about you she would be still with you. I know how it feels about having this condition and feeling as if your not important or if it is taking over your life. But you getting in a car when your not suppose to isnt going to help you. There are chances it can hurt you. There is so much you can do, you just have to find it. As in me I have been going shopping, movies, walking the beach, things like that. I am sure there are other things to do. But dont get into a car and drive when you cant. I am looking forward to driving so much so I can go to school. I just know I have friends out there (CWE board, or near here), & family that really care. Just like I have been told is to keep my chin up high. Which I have been lately to stay strong and happy. I hope things get well with ya. Take care.

[joey]

the sad thing is that i already know this. just like i knew i should not to drive but its a mental thing. if i had the guts to go out and do other things or find other things to do then there would be no problem. i know exactly what i should do i know if a girl loves me for me its just when things go bad for me
i go into a cave and i dont want to see anyone and i dont want people to hug me and feel sorry for me. what i really want to know is how to have more courage. how not to be so quiet around people . i dont think its possible. i know its a major issue for me and the scary part of it all is that im getting used to being by myself. as long as i have food and tv life will be good enough for me. but i do live a double life. the one you guys on here know about and the one i try to hide from anybody else.

[ashmstng]

I really hope that everything your going through you figure out on whats best to do. I understand you. I have all my life hid. In school been picked on just as I gotten older I open up more cause I notice it wasnt getting me anymore and nobody knew me for being so shy. I got the courage on my own. Im not sure how you would. You just open up by saying hi to others when you walk by them even if they dont respond who cares. The fact you said it makes you feel better and you start to open up more. Thats how I did it. With my job I had to start talking more to others meaning customers. As long as I have my family and friends I am happy. But the more I am seizure free and the further in life I can go like college and drive. The happier I will ever be. I hope you open up more. Stay strong.

[BuckeyeFan]

I think I understand what you are saying Joey. Even though you know what is right or what you need to do, it is almost impossible to do them or anything else some days.

I have been there many times. Probably not exactly the way you feel because we are all different, but it sounds similar. Good thing here is that people offer you suggestions, but no one is going to jump your case for not listening.

I guess my suggestions would be two things. First, spend some time on CWE and get used to talking about your E with other people here. See how they handle situations and depression. Try opening up to some of the members that you feel comfortable around. You can do this in the forums or you can send them private messages. The great thing about trying it here is that you are pretty anonymous and if opening up really bothers you, it is easy to leave it behind. No harm. no foul.

Second, I would try to get involved with a club or volunteer somewhere if you are able. Maybe a car collectors club (I would love an old Mustang myself). This will get you around people with similar interest and maybe you will find someone new that you can eventually tell about your E. Just remember, take small steps.

I am 47 and still just opening up to more people about my E. So far, it has been a good experience. Not easy, but so far so good. This site has helped me a lot.

[skillefer]

What is it about guys and Mustangs?

[morgan381]

Can't knock the guys about mustangs...I'd consider selling a kidney for a suped up 65 Mustang Ya just can't beat a classic.

[TeeTees]

Hey Joey,

I know you're pain re: cars and all that - I love 'em, and collected the little things when I was a toddler. To be told at 17 (over here) I couldn't drive one cuz off the dreaded E word, really pissed me off big time. But you just have to get over it, and get on with what you CAN do.

As for the 'fuck it' attitude, ever thought about taking it out down the gym - that's what I end up doing....it helps me to get rid of that 'angry' moment and take it out on something that doesn't bleed.

I'm a member of a car detailing website, in fact a few of 'em, and I've made cleaning cars my hobby. It kinda sounds sick as I can't drive the thing after, but you'll be surprised how much pleasure I get seeing the piece of junk driven in, being driven out looking a million dollars.

I bet you get that 'poor me' moment too don'tcha ?...and this is where the f'k it moment comes up. That's good, as that proves that you won't take it lying down and are willing to fight back. Use that anger to work on controlling your seizure's more, and learning more on this site about what you can do to help yourself.

[joey]

well teetee i honestly do tell my self i need to just get over it cause i know there is alot of peolple out there in worse condition then me, i just like to feel sorry for myself every once and a while, but i do believe in if something goes wrong in life then get over it and keep on living life. cause who knows when it can end.

[alivenwell]

Hi Joey! Here's how I see 'normal'. Everybody's different. Everybody is abnormal in some way whether they realize it or not. You should meet my 'normal' family.

I agree with Tee Tee. A workout is extremely helpful with stress. And, it keeps you in great shape. Girls will notice that one! I walk my border collie at least 2 miles in cooler weather. Or I turn on the air conditioning and do an indoor workout instead. With your location in Texas, I suspect there's very hot weather outdoors. Some people think hot weather can trigger seizures.

Cars are wonderful machines when used in the right way. They represent freedom, speed, and power. It's really painful to lose all of that.

But, by not driving, you'll not go anywhere alone. You're fortunate to live in today's time frame when it's not a big deal to see a chick drive a guy around. And you can save thousands of dollars on gas. Can you build a self driving, GPS oriented solar car? I suspect there could be a demand for that one in here. And, have it look like that Mustang?!

As far as self pity, it's OK. We all have that as well. I was so inside my own little world that I was oblivious to other people around me. Now, I figure my best friends will be those people who accept the E. They can deal with it. Other people may have to learn about it. It takes more patience and feedback from us to help other people understand this condition.

It looks like you have a pretty good grip on this condition. Keep the written details on your lifestyle. Trust me. I just went to a seminar taught by a neurologist today and he said that our brains have plasticity...that is, they can gradually recover over time if we keep ourselves busy, in physically good shape, eat well, fight stress, associate with positive people, listen to music (Sperber likes this one!), eat with others, do gardening (yeah, he had that one...just check Buckeye's massive pumpkin!), keep stimulated with puzzles, write with your bad hand, sleep on the other side of the bed for a change ...etc. Basically, lead a healthy lifestyle. He really stressed antioxidants in our diets as well to keep the free radicals out of our system. Free radicals can be very harmful over time.

Well, it's my dog's scheduled time for her walk. She needs it!

[Belinda5000]

Joey,
I've never had a license to drive .I've had E all my life I wouldn't get behind a wheel of a car for anything.
I met my husband at a support group at epilepsy foundation.I took public transportation.We dated three years we've now been married 15 yrs.
He has epilepsy been controlled since his surgery in 1972.

Driving when your not controlled is one thing you shouldn't do you found out why. There are other ways meet ppl when you don't drive I know.
Belinda