Decisions decisions

[homemom360]

oh, my god, after the argument that i had with my husband last night i just wanted to scream. i spent 45 mins trying to convince him that the meds that i am on now are the same that i have been on the last ten yrs. the only difference is that i use to be on the generic, (carbamazepine) and now i am on the name brand (tegretol), and the difference between the pills i was on last month and this month is that one was the xr and now i'm on the reg. ones. but he would not hear it he was sure that he was correct and was demanding that i get a hold of the doctor and have him put me back on the meds that i was on before. it's not that i'm not use to his attitude, i grew up with the same, "i'm right even when i'm wrong." attitude from my dad. that does not make it any easier to deal with though. it's especially annoying when i'm nice enough to sit down with him and ask him what he wants me to do as far as the tests that the dr wants to do. the dr wants to do one of those extended stay observed eegs, but my hubby does not like the idea, simply because it would mean taking me off the meds that i am on. the idea i admit scares the crap out of me because i don't like being awake through the g/m but i'm willing to face my fear in the pursuit of better treatment. has anyone else out there been met with opposition from a spouse or close family member?? i don't want to hurt his feelings, and i need his help if this will work because we have to coordinate our time so that he does not miss work and our daughter does not miss school, but i also know at some point a have to put my foot down and tell him that the dr. really can't do anything till he knows for sure exactly what is happening in my head.
thanks everybody for letting me vent...i feel better now.

[skillefer]

Hi homemom! Can't say that I understand the opposition from a spouse or family member, as mine have always been really supportive. But, part of the hubby's opposition is most likely coming from fear and worry about you. I mean, he's supposed to take care of you (like any real spouse should...) right? And now, he's having to deal with the idea of not being able to stop the seizures or at least be there with you when you have one so that he knows your safe..... Honestly, if at all possible, I'd have him go with you to your neurologists appt. That way, he knows everything that's happening, he can ask whatever questions he might have, he'll know what to expect, and he'll feel more included in the decision making. Just a thought.

[hawke86]

I hope you can get things worked out.

[Meetz1064]

going through this, homemom.

My spouse is not particularly supportive, either. He provides me with insurance for the meds, and lets me go to the doctor. But if it ever came down to it, he would do the same thing yours is doing because of the inconvenience to him.

My mother is not supportive at all, either. I no longer tell her anything about what is going on with the meds or anything, as all she does is scream at me. (She's also 3000 miles away, so that helps too).

Just keep sticking up for yourself. Is there a neighbor that can help you with your daughter and getting her to and from school? Skilly's idea of taking him to the neurologist with you is a wonderful idea. Maybe it would help......it certainly wouldn't hurt.....

[BuckeyeFan]

As a guy, I tried to put myself in your husband's point of view. I understand his worry about the drug change. So many mistakes have happened over the years with medications that he must have been worried about that. It would scare me too. Going along to your neurologist may help calm those fears for him.

The resistance to the testing is harder to explain. It may be the common problem many without E have trouble understanding. He sees your tonic-clonics, but he doesn't see the partial seizures that happen more often and also impact your life.

I sure hope all goes well.

[morgan381]

My hubby gives me the same kind of grief from time to time. He supports me to a point, but....

For example, I brought up NFB, and he was absolutely against it. First he brought up the fact that my seizures are controlled with the meds right now and he thought it'd be a bad idea---"if it ain't broke, don't fix it". Then I explained that it can be done without going off the meds. So, he found another reason to be against it.... I know how frustrating and isolating it feels.

I think my hubby's problem is that the unpredictability, inconvenience and feeling of helplessness are things he has trouble coping with. Not to mention, no one likes to see a loved one have a t/c (but the partials affect your day to day life more, so he needs to understand that). My guess is that your hubby feels pretty much the same way. Then there's just the plain ol' "I'm always right" thing--not much you can do about that.

The idea of taking him to the doc with you would definately end the argument about whether or not the meds are the same--you win. But, more importantly, it would give him the opportunity to hear the info strait from the neurologist and it would give him the cance to ask any questions and voice any concerns he has.

Anyways, I hope you can get things resolved--your health should be your priority.
(((((hugs)))))
Morgan

[homemom360]

thanks everybody for the words or encouragement, i came to the same conclusion, that most of what he was saying had to do with fear. like the long term testing, he just doesn't want me doing anything that might hurt me. the new meds though, they gotta go. just in the little over a week i've been on them my t/c have gone through the roof, two in less than a week, and my norm is once a month or so.

[joey]

well homemom i just want to say that even though it is a simple argument that turned heated because he thinks he is right even when he is wrong that it can be settled. i myself am the same way i always think im right about everything . but when i might think im wrong i will admit it unless the argument is heated and it makes me look dumb. if i were to have a relationship that worked (which i have not) i would need a woman to just agree with me until there is proof i am wrong. cuz if she was like me it would just go no where because im hard headed. so even though you know your right give him the benifit of the doubt just to make him happy, now thats true love.
well theres my 2 cents.

[homemom360]

joey,
i've lived with him for so long, we hit a decade this dec. and before him it was my dad that was always right, i usually just shake my head and let him beleive that he is right. it's not worth the breath to try to prove i'm right. this med. thing bothered me an extra amount though because not only is he questioning a fact but he is questioning me. i know i forget alot of things but i know what pills i take.

[joey]

i can understand . when it comes to people tell me they know about seizures and they dont have seizures it makes me extra mad too. so i see what your saying now.

[Loudmouth]

I'm having a similar problem with my mum at the moment, as I am considering surgery at the moment. My mum is unhappy, and taking every opportunity to tell me that "she grew me just fine, and it's not right to let people fiddle about in my brain cos I'll be left like a retard and SHE won't be looking aftre me and my kids if that happens". But SHE'S never had to put up with 15 complex partial's a day where you never know what you've just done or what you're liable to do next, and the rest of the time you are trying to make your befuddled brain do normal things when it wants to give up and switch off!!

[hawke86]

I never did like making decisions.

[homemom360]

i've created a neat trick. i make all the decisions in the house, but always managing to make sure it seems like someone else is doing it. i'm never preseved to be the leader, just a happy supportive follower.

[Nancy]

Wishing you the best .... I listen and I care. That's all I can do ~sigh~

[Wally]

i've created a neat trick. i make all the decisions in the house, but always managing to make sure it seems like someone else is doing it. i'm never preseved to be the leader, just a happy supportive follower.

Oh yea, like on the Sopranos. Everybody thought Junior was the boss, but in reality Tony called the shots. So the Feds came for Junior........