Do you feel like this sometimes?

[KathyJJ]

Do you go through situations sometimes with your family that leave you feeling so selfish? Today, my daughter was visiting and asked if she could borrow an item that she could stop and pick up at the Dollar Store, which she passes every day, for just a dollar. I also use this item sometimes and she would be keeping it for several weeks at least. I didn't come right out and say no but I started looking in my house for a duplicate, which as it turned out I didn't have, so I would have one to use while she had this one. The cost wasn't the problem for me. I didn't care if I had to buy another one. It was the fact that I don't drive and I'm out away from Dollar stores or any stores that sell it so it would not be convenient for me to go purchase another one when I needed it. I would have to ask someone to take me to purchase something that was no more than a dollar. As it turned out, she said she would stop and get one for herself but it left me feeling so selfish. If I could drive, I would have let her have it in a heartbeat and thought nothing of it. Then, if I had needed it during this time, I would have gotten in the car and got it for myself. Do things like this happen with you and your family? If so, does it leave you feeling this way?

[RobinN]

Your feelings are important too. Just because you are telling your daughter how it makes you feel or need, doesn't maky you selfish.
I believe they need to hear the words, rather than you not say anything. I think your daughter would respect you when you do.
"Nope, sorry, that would be inconvenient for me." .
.. hope she has the compassion to offer to shop for you occasionally.

[epileric]

I agree with Robin though I often find myself being overly helpful or sympathetic to my own disadvantage.

We're just too nice.

[skillefer]

Hi Kathy! Yes, stuff like that happens to me. At first, I felt selfish. But now, I don't. I figure that if I tell people that it's ok all the time...then they won't ever appreciate my point of view, or understand it. If I let them get away with stuff like that all the time, it becomes a bad habit, and I'll just end up getting resentful. Better to be honest adn up front from the very beginning.

[KathyJJ]

Thank you everyone for your replies and understanding. It helps so much to talk with people that really do understand. Robin, no, she never asks me to go shopping with her. But, she does work and has small children so she doesn't have much time to shop. But, it would be nice to be asked occassionally or maybe just once a year. Thanks again everyone! You have made me feel so much better!

[rissaf23]

Kathy I often feel the same way, I do not think you are being selfish! You have feelings too and you have to remeber that!

[kelso54]

Actually the opposite is my problem. I, like you don't drive and am expected to run get things when someone, like you daughter goes right past where ever and coming my way. Any help I ask for has to justfied; but when my help is needed I am supposed to be johnny on the spot; if I have plans they must be justified; if I refuse I am accused of being ungrateful. My mom will do most anything to help me but the price is too high sometimes. Mom helps me more more than I want sometimes, then won't help. Even our families don't understand what epilepsy does to us.

[eslucas]

Kathy, Your not selfish at all. It's unfortunate that your daughter didn't realize that in situations like this your needs should come first. You don't need that added stress especially if it could trigger a seizure. Hopefully your daughter will understand this when similar situations arise. Hang in there.

[KathyJJ]

Thanks again everyone for your understanding and kind words. As I stated earlier, it just helps to find people out there that understands. I wouldn't wish this on anyone but if our family had to go through what we do for just one day, then they would have a much better understanding of our situation and then would probably treat us differently. But, I would hate for them to have to do that so maybe they won't. Take care everyone!