Feeling really down

[Jemma_x]

I dont know if this is the right place to post this so if it isnt would one of the moderators move it please ??

well im feeling really down today, had a seizure last night and when i havent had a seizure for a few weeks i feel sorta normal if you understand what i mean and then when i have a seizure its like everything hits me again that im not normal and i feel so down, just want to lay in bed and hide.

does anyone else feel like this??

[RebeccaN]

I feel like that every time I come out of a seizure. I know what it feels like so Im like 'great had another seizure' and Im usually at school. So I know everyone is watching me. And my friends tell me Im always really irritated before and after I have one. Sure people say its not a good thing to be sad or even depressed. But if it helps you cope with it...your choice.
All my thoughts of, being different, stupid, that people think their fake, the funny looks I get from people, not feeling 'normal' (what is normal now a days?) and like my mom does so much for me with this website and the diet Im on, but as a teenager and her daughter. its like go away. I dont care. So I always have that on my mind too.
I guess all I can say is, once your done feeling sad. Move on cause your trying to get rid of them and maybe you can go do something you enjoy or hang out with some friends. Ya know, to get your mind off it all.
~R

[haird18]

Jemma,

Everytime i've had a seizure it has affected me that way! It can cause stress depression and anxiety at times. We deal with so much at times that others don't understand sometimes! Hang in and and always feel free to ask questions none are dumb questions!
God Bless,
David Hair

[Lisa]

Know your not alone. I dont know much, but after a seizure I dont feel right, so I take however long to stay in bed, or lay around and chill. Eventually Ill kick myself in the rear, and get on with life. Although sometimes it seems like a never ending battle.

[Bernard]

I dont know if this is the right place to post this so if it isnt would one of the moderators move it please ??

No problem. The padded room is the right place to vent about anything.

well im feeling really down today, had a seizure last night and when i havent had a seizure for a few weeks i feel sorta normal if you understand what i mean and then when i have a seizure its like everything hits me again that im not normal and i feel so down, just want to lay in bed and hide.

My wife has gone through many cycles of having her "invincibility shield" broken. It's only been over the last 6-8 months that she has finally come to terms with the possibility that she will need to be *diligent* with her diet/sleep/schedule to maintain seizure control ove the long term.

... And my friends tell me Im always really irritated before and after I have one.

If your friends are picking up on it pre-seizure, there is (potential) opportunity for you to prevent it (neurobehavioral techniques) if you are willing to listen to them.

... and like my mom does so much for me with this website and the diet Im on, but as a teenager and her daughter. its like go away. I dont care....

Some day you will be able to thank her without feeling embarrassed. Great to see you again BTW.

[brain]

I can understand and relate completely; and I put it
in my own words of being out of sync - for I'm not
100% there or in synchronization or like medical field
likes to put it "out of it". I can be really in a weird stage
in postictal depending on the seizure or seizures itself.
Worse thing is the length of the postictal stage can
vary and fluctuate and that itself can be frustrating.

While seizures are but for a moment, the postictal stage
is what lingers on or like I like to put it in emphasis ...
drags everything down. It impacts and effects and affects
everyone differently but the end result is the same:
FRUSTRATING!

So the feeling of wanting to "hide" or "being invisible" or
"die of embarrassment" or whatever it might be ~ but for
me, I dare not trod or depart from my house, I have this
"fear" that I'm unable to explain. It's not the fear that one
would be, like fearful of heights, or snakes, or like that - but
it's the sense of being overwhelmed to a point of being afraid,
harder for me to explain or describe it; but if anyone has
ever had such feeling - then you would know what I'm
talking about.

Even with myself, my own emotions, thoughts, everything,
has gone "short circuited" or "haywire" - I am not reliable
at all during this phase, hence why my son sends me off to
bed, or if I'm on the phone trying to talk to my mom, she
can tell - and tells me to go to bed. There's a lot there that
one can tell via the phone, my mom knows the difference
when I've had a seizure and when I'm normal.

It's frustrating - frustrating - frustrating.

And thanks to Bernard and his lovely wife, for this Padded
Room - where we can unleash and vent it all out; and at
the same time, come to realization, there's others out there
who understands - whether they be caretakers or folks who
have Epilepsy too.

You KNOW you're not alone... Epilepsy is hell as one poster
had posted from one forum, and another poster had posted
that Epilepsy takes you for a very strange ride...

How true are both of those posts!

[skillefer]

Know that feeling all too well Jemma. I had a seizure for the first time in two months just the other day. *sigh* Well, at least I know what triggered it.....screwed up sleep schedule. Just when you think maybe they're finally under control, and then BAM. Yup, I know the frustration and sadness. But I try to stay positive. I went a little over two months with no seizures! Yay! And I know what triggered it, so I know what I need to do to fix it. Just try to stay positive Jemma. You're not alone.

[alivenwell]

I was always curious about your perspective after reading so many posts from your mom. Her out of the box creative thinking is incredible.

Your determination (was that hereditary?!) to pursue your dream is awesome. It's great that your mom is helping your dream come true. My son always wanted to do karate. After 5 years of lessons (he's now 21), he has acquired a first degree black belt in Tang Soo Do Korean karate. I would imagine you and my son do a lot of similar forms or motions. My gracelessness would be laughable in either sport. I safely walk or jog with my border collie.

My dream was to study math (yeah, I'm a girl nerd) and computer science. Anything is possible. I hold a college degree in each area with several technical certifications. Hopefully you will show your best efforts in school. Education is a very, very powerful thing. I have worked in my favorite career(s) for over 20 years. My educational background has served me well. It acts as a barrier to fight discrimination.

My younger sister pursued music and now plays in a major symphony. She constantly practiced scales and rhythms. Her talent was heard by the right person who entered her into one of the top musical schools in the US. One wealthy person lent her an extremely expensive instrument (worth the cost of a nice house) and she took off from that point and really excelled.

My older sister, like your mom, is an artist. She holds at least one Masters degree and is still taking college courses in photography and website construction. She was granted at least 3 scholarships.

I would not say my family is average. We had little or no money growing up. We knew we had to pursue our individual dreams. Our parents were heavily involved in helping us acquire our goals. I actually had trouble with the first level of calculus and some trigonometry. Some people told me to change majors and get away from the math. I defiantly studied books in my own free time from a point where I understood basic concepts. I went from a C in the first level of calculus to an A in the highest available course in it.

Epilepsy is just an inconvenience. Complete control can throw somebody off to feel normal if stress management, biofeedback, medication or some other form of maintenance is forgotten. I have not had seizures after I became more active with my border collie. Like you, a walk or jog with her takes me to a different mindset. My dog is my friend, companion, confidant and 'therapist'. She is extremely determined to get her food, walk, and play sessions. I think food is high on her list. So is her favorite decrepit two limb headless toy. In the six years she has lived with us, she has figured out how to manipulate people. And, she came from the pound. We'll never know her true birthday. She has 365 unbirthdays and a huge pile of toys.

I constantly set alarms on my cell phone or watch as reminders to take meds. It works for me. Otherwise, I'd feel 'normal' whatever that is! Math majors are not normal, anyway. And, the average person doesn't do figure skating either!