I Am A DRUGGIE!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Kate]

err.. not really. no drug problems here. but with number of pills of day i take i feel like it, and right now.. i feel a little CrAzY

first of all, my stupid broken wrist is killing me today so i will probably have typos and trouble with caps. anyway..

i was diagnosed with ADD back in high school and put on adderall. i was tested by a psychologist and had to take these tests that took forever and all, so it wasnt just like some stories you hear nowadays where you tell your doctor you think you have it they put you on the medicine.

so, my grades went from a struggling 3.2 to a 3.8. i was able to take all advanced level classes and by my senior year even took a class (and got an A) that was for college credit. it really changed my life around and helped a lot.

after my surgery in june i quit taking the adderall while i was recovering. then the seizures started.. so i never got back on it.

now that im back into psychotherapy i was put back on adderal.. which really is a good thing. BUT its one more medicine to add to the list. and even though im glad they put me back on it, because of it, instead of being on 5 mg of my sleeping pill, its doubled to 10 mg. so MORE MEDICINE.

here is a list of ALL the medicines i take daily. remember, i have a broken arm, slipped discs in my back, arthritis in my ankle, ADD, anxiety, depression, of course epilepsy, and asthma. sorry for the misspellings. im gripey and in pain.

• cingulair (asthma/allergies)
• adderall XR (ADD)
• effexor XR (anxiety/depression)
• sonata (sleeping pill)
• keppra (you know what this is for! lol)
• topamax (and i bet you know why i take this!)
• yaz (birth conrtol)
• 800 mg motrin (for pain and arthritis)
• 7.5 percoset (for pain)
• B-6 (to help with the keppra)
• folic acid (because i was told to.. lol)

i am 20 years old. im 5'2. id tell you what i weight but right now its too much. haha. anyway, all these meds ARE NOT good for me. but the thing is, ive gone through them, and tried to find a way to get off one or the other, and i cant. i really cant.

i know a lot of people believe that depression and anxiety can be fixed without medicine.. but for now, that medicine is playing an important role, and several of my doctors agree that i have to be on it. (it has even helped with my sleeping problem which helps with seizures..)

as for the pain medicine. i HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE being on it. since my car accident in 2006 i have been off and on narcotics. luckily, i have the best mom/nurse in the world when it comes to these. i can honestly say i do not know where these (or any) of my medicines are. no one in my house has ever had a drug problem, but being teachers, my parents are very educated on drug problems and teens.. so since our house is often full of my friends or my brother's friends, the medicines are always hidden (im proud of my mom about this.)

the motrin i take twice a day. as for the percoset, it just depends on what i am going through. after my sub-talor joint surgery on my ankle, i was taking them more often then i am now, because of my pain level. even though i am well educated about drug addictions, and know and have been told by my doctors as long as i take them as prescribed i am okay..

sooo theres my huge giant rant for the day.i hate taking so many pills a day. i choke on some. its very annoying. some of them, like the motrin, are just so big. some, like the topamax, i take 4 pills a day.

i thank God for my mom and for my support system (YOU GUYS!!!!) and some of my doctors (lol some dont give a crap) and the fact that i am smart enough to recognize that medicines are good but can cause problems and need to be watched and controlled.

when i move out in three months all these pills will be in my hands. whenever i go to europe in a few weeks, it will be my first time handling all my own medicine. used to, when i lived in PA working as a nanny i was on some medicine (motrin, cingulair, adderall, and a sleeping pill) and i took those fine, but now the amount of medicine has tripled. ALSO, now that i have epilepsy, its not okay to just forget a pill like it used to be.. but im hoping since im back on my ADD meds i wont be as forgetful i was.

well guys. im sorry to be so random and out of control here. i understand if no one reads the whole thing. i guess typing out anger does help.. THANKS BuckeyeFan!! i got this idea because you told me to channel my anger.. and well after taking what felt like a handful of pills, and started feeling funny and getting that adderall headache (the first few weeks on adderall are never fun..) i was angry for sure.

now. im back to being happy, and by the time i finished typing this rant/essay, the pain medicine kicked in, and my wrist feels better.

[skillefer]

No problems....sometimes it just feels good to unload and get everything off your chest.

[Birdbomb]

Know just how you feel. I have 9 prescription bottles sitting right here. All of it for my RA and fibromyalgia. Lovely. Well at least I'm off all anti-epileptic drugs. And I don't have diabeties or cardiac problems!

When I broke my arm, I had a terriffic nurse who gave me lots of support and helpful suggestions.

I was in a cast for 3 months. Being immobile that long, the ortho doc was concerned the wrist would have been frozen. My nurse told me to wiggle my hand in the cast as much as I could to keep the wrist moving. So when the cast was finally taken off my wrist was actually moving. I didn't have full range of motion but it wasn't frozen.

If you go to a medical supply house, they have these waterproof sleeves you can put over the cast to keep water out when you shower. They run about $20 but are well worth it. I used garbage bags and duct tape, but when I found these coverings between surgeries, I used them after my hand operations. It's nice to take a normal shower!

[speber]

Pills suck...but pain, seizures and anxiety suck much harder. Keep trying to find alternatives and other 'good stuff' to settle your life down for yourself...you'll make it!

As much as I hate pills, I wouldn't dare suffer the painful alternative just because I hate pills.

Signed,
frustrated here too!

[BuckeyeFan]

Kate,

I am glad the channeling is helping you. I know it has been a blessing for me. Thanks to CWE, we can just rant all we want and no one will judge us.

I have been trying to get off some of my other meds without much success. Spring is coming and I know I will need my singulair (that is a very effective med) and advair. My B12, iron, and thyroid levels are doing better, so maybe I will be able to get off of them soon. These three all crashed at the same time a few years ago and put me in the hospital. I was never so exhausted in my life. Couldn't even hold my head up.

I might suggest taking charge of your meds soon while your Mom is around to monitor you, BEFORE you go out on your own. Plus give her a hug and tell her what you have told us about how you respect her. Parents love to hear that from their kids. You are at the age where the two of you may start to become friends as well as mother/daughter. I know my daughters and wife have become great friends.

Later,
Buckeye

[RobinN]

Just another opinion:

[brain]

KATE:

Don't feel bad! I know what it's like to be on
so many meds ~ been there, done that, to
a point where you don't know if you're coming
or going, asleep or awake, or if it's night time
or day time, or what day of the week it is -
and worse ... once you find out what day it is,
you wonder where did XX day(s) go?? For
the last you can remember it was Monday,
and now it's Thursday!

ARRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHH!!!!!



I'm going to practice my rights to remain
silent and plead the 5th on the highest that
I've ever had to take so many meds all at
once (anti-epileptic, pain killers, anti-inflam-
matory, antibiotics, et al.....) and had to take
them all for nearly a month; all because I had
a major seizure (tonic-clonic) which caused me
to sustain severe sprains, strains, pulled muscles,
and split my face open (had stitches) - and the
lab work also showed infection - moderate
pneumonia and had ovarian cyst - one heck of a
mess!

We could play the MONSTER MASH?



Would that help us Zombies here? Because that's
how I was back then, I was a Zombie for awhile.

[CJR]

Kate~
I have nothing to offer you. No words that could make you feel better and for that I am truly sorry. My daughter is so young and so new to E that we have no real idea of what you're going through.

However, I have to say that reading your post helps me in so many ways. I know that someday my little girl may face the same feelings that you are having right now. But because of knowing people like you who face their real feelings everyday I'll know how to help her if or when she needs to rant. For that I am truly grateful to you. You are strong and wonderful, good days and bad, smiles and tears, you are an inspiration. I truly hope that you'll wake up in the morning and remember that.

[Kate]

(((huge hugs))) Thanks to you all!!

Birdy, I am buying one of those sleeves for my cast. I'm sooo thankful you mentioned that, it'll be very helpful when I bathe in Europe!!

Buckeye, I do let my mama know. = ) I'm a lil weird actually.. lol. I call her at work and tell her I miss her and love her. I'm always thanking her and letting her know how much I appreciate her. I even thank my parents for letting me live with them, because I know they didn't HAVE to let me move back in after I had moved out. She is my best friend, and she knows that. I know my exboyfriend used to get sooo mad because he knew I told my mom everything. Ever seen Gilmore Girls?? That's kinda how my Mom and I's relationship is.. except my mom is a lot more serious and responsible, lol.

Also, that is a good idea to try my meds on my own before I leave. I don't know why we never thought of that! THANKS!

CJR, your comment made me tear up. I've had an emotional morning anyway (about to post about that..) and what you said meant a lot to me. ((hugs)) I actually am still very new to E also. I just had my first seizure last July. However, I am not as young. It breaks my heart to think of such young children, as your daughter, going through it. But, she is going to handle it so well having a Mom as supportive and great as you. I know I wouldn't be as strong without my Mama, and you sound really wonderful and understanding too. It's gonna be a tough road, for your lil' girl, and for you. So remember, it's okay for you to rant to. We're here for you.

[mouse]

Hi Kate,

I understand about the meds, my husband is on a pile of them, without actually having any diagnosis for what is attacking his brain.

He has been home from hospital for a few brief discharges, and then I become responsible for his drugs. I'm not an idiot, but it's hell.

At first I was having the pharmacy bubble pack the drugs in a weekly packet. They count them out for each time of day and seal it up. Then on Monday, at breakfast, you just pop out the 8AM bubble.

It costs extra, but it was worth it. He had so many drugs that they couldn't fit them into the bubbles. I had to get two packs for every week.

I stopped getting it done because he ended up in hospital repeatedly, and the doses would change and I would order a new pack. Then I had all of these half-used bubble packs of drugs piling up. Finally I broke them open and sorted the drugs into baggies (didn't look good). I got a weekly pill counter and started sorting them myself...not pleasant.

I would still rather have the pharmacy do it...it gets confusing and is too much responsibility and too easy to make mistakes.

Maybe your Mom can let you watch how she organizes it, or you can try it out while she looks over your shoulder for a few days.

25 pills at 8 am is a whole meal. You sure aren't alone. I'm glad your mom is so close to you. Moms are great.