Just updating ... (long, may get ranty)

[sniegs]

Hi everyone! I haven't written anything since my last post (which was months ago) ... but I have been reading here.

My weird auras/seizures continued a bit until early May or so. I graduated from college on May 18th, and fortunately no embarrassing incidents there.

Since then, I've been staying at my parents' house.

Living with my parents is stressful. (And it's almost entirely my mother's doing.)

My mother was always controlling when I was growing up, but over the past few years she has become unbearable. My father is absolutely miserable; I cannot even imagine what it is like to be married to her.

My mother had epilepsy beginning in her childhood, and she struggled with it for many years. When she was in her early thirties, she went to Johns Hopkins, where they gave her the meds that worked best for her. Since then, she has not wanted me to tell anyone that she ever had epilepsy. As far as she is concerned, those Hopkins doctors "cured" her, and the symptoms will never return, so nobody needs to know.

When I was first diagnosed with epilepsy, she told me that I should never tell anyone outside the medical profession. If anyone at my school knew about it, or any potential employers, or colleges ... basically, I would be ostracized. (This may have been how it was when she was growing up, but now I would think it would be better to let people know in advance, rather than let them find out the hard way.)

She has become so overbearing that I don't feel comfortable telling her about my epilepsy-related concerns. I don't tell her about any seizures that may occur on any given day (they're pretty minor and infrequent anyway), because I don't want to know how she may react.

I'm trying to break away. I'm so close to becoming independent. I will be going to grad school in Boston in the fall, and I have already secured an apartment there. My father has accepted that I am growing up and moving on with my life, but my mother cannot accept it. She keeps grasping for reasons why I am not responsible enough to live on my own.

(Let's see: I can cook, I can do dishes, I can do laundry, I can iron, I can keep an apartment clean, I can do a ton of things on my own ... but it's still not enough.)

This is why I avoid telling her anything about any medical problems, or other issues. If I do, it's back to square one, and I'm back to being her little baby girl again. I'm tired of it. I'm a big girl now.

Another thing about my mother (and this has always made me uncomfortable) is her relationship with alcohol.

I don't want to say that she is an alcoholic - but for someone who is taking two epilepsy medications, as well as medications for other issues, such as her heart ... well, she drinks too much.

I remember when she was planning to help me move out of my apartment after graduation, and she asked me if there were any liquor stores nearby, because "if I'm going to be helping you move out, I'm going to need a lot of wine." And coming from her, I know that's not a joke. It scared me when I heard that.

I'm only on one epilepsy medication, but throughout college, my neurologist was quick to emphasize that I should not have more than one alcoholic drink per day - any more would lessen the effectiveness of the medicine. (Which is fine, since I don't drink alcohol anyway.)

My mother has at least four drinks per day - and that's on normal days. When she's at dinner parties, she may drink more.

I've conveyed my concern to her, and she brushes it off, telling me that her epilepsy was "cured" and there's nothing to worry about. If I press the issue, she snaps at me and I am forced to back off.

I just worry a lot about her. She's 65, but tries to act like she's 25 (and in her darker moments, 15). I worry that she is destroying her body.


My parents have gone to their summer vacation house in upstate New York for the week. In the meantime, I am at their house in DC, sitting here with my thoughts.

At least I have my boyfriend. He has been wonderful and supportive for the nearly three years that we have been together. He did not know much about epilepsy before he met me, but now he knows what to do should something happen ... also, I feel very comfortable telling him about my concerns. He not only accepts the fact that I have epilepsy - he embraces it. It's just a part of me, and he loves me.

Anyway, he will be moving to DC next month. He got a job at a major insurance company, and just secured an apartment nearby.

So, once he is moved in, I won't have to worry about staying at my parents' house when I'm visiting from Boston.


... wow. This has been a long post. Sorry about that!

I guess my point is that I'm stressed now ... but, um, hopefully things will clear up?

[Bernard]

Sounds like you have a good road mapped out ahead of you. I hope your father is able to get your mother some help. It sounds like she needs it.

[thjr59]

I know what it likes to not tell anyone that I have epilepsy. Till this day I still avoid telling people that I have it. Las night we had company over and got on the subject of medications but I couldn't bring myself to tell them I am on dilantin. So I know what she is going through. She may feel differently if she knew you have seizures, but thats your call to tell her. I hope everything works out for you.

[Georgiagirl88]

Sounds like you really have a good head on your shoulders, a great boyfriend,
and a really bright future ahead of you!! I am sure it must be hard trying to deal with your Mom and her problems. It can be hard to break those ties with Parents for some people. More so the parents. You sound very mature and ready!!! Don't feel bad about doing so..just also tell your Mom you are perfectly capable and ready and it will be o.k. in a nice way. Maybe she will be able to work on her issues with encouragement. Don't feel any guilt about it. She shouldn't pressure you to try to stay or not talk about things. By the way..my husband and I had quite a long distance relationship and it worked out perfectly! I was in Florida and he went to college up in Rhode Island. We just celebrated our 20th Anniversary last week! Best wishes to you and all that you hope to achieve!! The sky is the limit!!! It is a wonderful time in your life!

Michelle : )

[Meetz1064]

how you feel. I have quite an overbearing mother, too. She let me go away to a school out of state after a lot of fighting, but when it came time for my younger sister to go to school, too, she tried to call me "home," where she could keep an eye on me. I refused, and ended up being engaged a few months later......that didn't go over well, either.


She flat out refuses to talk about my ep. When I was pregnant with each of my kids, she screamed at me, about how irresponsible I was for getting pregnant (yet as a Catholic I shouldn't practice birth control) and wouldn't talk to me the entire time. When I did have a seizure during one of the pregnancies and she was there, she cussed me out. Yeah.

You sound like you have a good head on your shoulders. It won't be easy, and you will have choice to make. With the right support behind you, like what you're getting from your boyfriend, I think you're going to be all right.

Feel free to come back here anytime. We'll listen. And maybe get her to come on here, too. It definitely wouldn't hurt her.

Take care,

Meetz

[skillefer]

Hello sniegs! Well, sounds like your about ready to fly from the nest. You'll be fine. It sounds as if you have a good head on your shoulders and some good support from the boyfriend. So I think you're going to be fine. The thing to remember, is that you can't change your parents...or anyone else for that matter. People only change when they want to. The thing is, as much as you may love and care for them, your parents...especially your mom...will make their own choices. So don't try to be parents to them....just let your parents makes their own decisions. When you let that go...I have a feeling your stress will drop. Take care, and welcome back.