Learn from my mistake...

[Cinnabar]

...I don't remember what I said, mainly because I can be dissociative at times, but I believe I complained about frustration I had with a group in this site. here. I'm sure I had the sense not to name names.

I felt there was no need to press the "report button'" because no one was, intentionally, causing harm.

This issue was taken up with me and caused me to exit out of the site for sometime until I could calm down, as no explanation was given to me. Just nastly listing my 'character flaws", which did and would never apply to me. POINT...this did not come from Bernard. He would NEVER be so withholding and cruel.

I'm stilll foggy about it. I'm now tentative about posting here but am encouraging friends to vent here without feeling guilty. I think allot of people feel guilty posting here. But there should be no shame when you need to "kick and scream".

I think I should have directed my issue (whatever it was) to one of my trust worthy moderators. Learn from my (mistake?) and go to them when you are feeling hurt by a group or a person.

Do you know how it feels to have a post eliminated, here, of all Forums! Maybe more than I'm aware of but I felt like was being "kicked out of the hospital because I had not been given a diagnosis"!

Just want everyone to think about posting private matters about groups or members to a moderator you trust or to Bernard.

I still feel uneasy posting this, here, because of the experience. Because I am dissociatve and am not always really "hearing" myself when I'm upset, in time, I might muster up the guts to share that which is gutting me. I'm still abit uneasy even posting this here but I think it's the sensitive and politically correct thing to do.

I just wanted to share my experience so no one gets in hot water.

Cinnabar

[Birdbomb]

I think most of us can relate to your feelings Shoot! I get my stuff deleted all the time, especially when I'm hot under the collar, (I've evn deleted my own stuff!) Bernard is real good about keeping the mood of the forum light and comfortable.

Rageing and ranting is a natural act and that is why the Padded Room was created, so we could have a safe place to vent. But still we can overstep the boundries when allowed and as Moderators it's our job to make sure no one gets hurt in the fall-out.

It can be very difficult to make a decision to remove or edit a post. We may be not understanding what the poster is trying to convey, so we often discuss what should be done behind the scene. Yes, there is a private forum for the staff to discuss the forum operations. This is where he hash out OUR opinions, ideas and solutions. And I can tell you it gets a hell of a lot hotter in there that it does in the public forum.

One thing I can attest to, there is NO personal agenda or vendetta allowed as a basis for moderating. We have a guideline to follow and we also take in consideration the individual and try to keep the posters feelings from being hurt. Sometimes it can't be avoided.

As Moderators, we are ALL working for free, no one gets paid. It's our own time, efforts, resources and experainces we bring to the table. We are all very different in our views, that is way one mod might be more tolerant than another.

Try not to take any editing or deletion as a personal attack. We are trying to keep the fourm operating according to Bernards direction. It can be very touchy situation at times.

Contacting a Mod or Bernard if you have any doubt is a very good idea, that is why we are here. We don't have all the answers, and when we are stumped, we ask the other mods for input. But I think we do have an excellent blend of Mods who do bring many different views to any partucular issue.

I am glad you came back, Laurie I think you are a delighful person with a lot to give to others. And now that I understand you better I am very glad you are on my "friend" list!

[Cinnabar]

THANK YOU BIRDBOMB - Now I have a better and more compassionate understanding of what you Moderators go through. I never knew you had you own "behind the Room scene" and that your own "rants" about the impact of individual posts might affect the readers. Input exhanged and decided upon must be very difficult because it is a delicate and difficult situation to weigh priorities. I guess you do have your own Padded Room but with personalities/decision makers in conflict. A toughy. The structure in this site is amazingly sound.

I'm glad you responded to my post because it was basically you and Bernard who dealt with my ordeal with appropriate and sensitve communication. That is just one of the several reasons I changed my "signature" because I want to drive home that healthy communication is essential to a bonded and relaxed community.

I, too, am glad we're on each others frienship list and slowy but surely will have the time to get to know each other better. For now, I know there's a "realness" and "reliabilty" in you. Oh. Your sense of humor is saving!
Cinnabar

[Birdbomb]

And I'm CUTE too!

[Georgiagirl88]

Hi Laurie,

Glad you're back!!!!!!!
I know you have really enjoyed the group! Take care!
Talk soon!

Michelle : ))))

[Bernard]

Birdbomb said it well. Normally, I'd delete a thread like this because I don't like moderating issues discussed in public - but I think this thread serves a good purpose.

Sometimes members we care about just cross a line and we have to take action. It's not personal and we do our best to handle issues with kid gloves as best we are able.

[Meetz1064]

glad to see you back, too.

Birdy said everything I possibly could have, PERFECTLY.

Take care, Laurie.

Meetz

[Cinnabar]

Thanks Michelle: It is good to be back. CWE is the best site around and the people here are like the family I've never had.

[Cinnabar]

Thanks Bernard, for not deleting the thread. Now, I'm trying to become more of a comminity activist. I wanted to share where I think I went wrong and Birdbomb really drove home how sound and structured CWE is working on behalf of us all. I now have a better understanding about what you all must go through and with Birdbomb's reply, that only re-inforces my respect for all of the Moderators in CWE for it must not be an easy job. Her reply only made me feel more apart of the community. L -

[Cinnabar]

Thanks Michelle: As I see it "There's no place like home" Laurie

[Cinnabar]

Thank you - Birdbomb did do a great job. I think is good to be given some "insight" to the workings behind the curtain. It certainly made me feel more apart of the community, here. Laurie

[TexasTravel]

Glad you are back. I like our discussions and think it reveals more than one side to things. :-)

I think many, or at least some, of us have had your same experiences, including myself. All I can say is maybe try to step back, reorganize and do not take it personally.
I think Birdbomb did an excellent explanation, one that even helps me to understand the situation better. I am glad it was not deleted. I think it will help alot of us understand it better.

Thanks mods.

[Birdbomb]

There is another aspect, I'd like to add here. Bernard presents his forum as a "House Party" and we all know there are certain taboos that come with parties, we avoid discussions on things like religion and politics.

Sometimes in our rants we strike out at others and whether or not it's intentional doesn't really matter, what matters is the fall out. If something hurtful is posted it can create a shitstorm of epic proportions. Everyone gets involved and lots of feelings get hurt and people get mad and more hurtful things are hurled.

Our job is to prevent that from happening. It's better to have one person mad because his/her post was edited or deleted then to loose half the membership over one just post going a bit too far. THIS is where it's hard. We form friendships and get to know each other and then we mean old mods have to do our jobs. Mods are no exceptions to the rules either. I have had my fair share of posts deleted and the "Now look what your did!" notes.

We are human, we make mistakes, but the sun still came up today, the world didn't end. We will make more mistakes another day. Dwelling over our indisgressions isn't healthy. We make nice in the best way we can and move on. This is STILL the best damn forum on the internet. I spend a LOT of time here and I enjoy so many of the members. We know this place is home for a lot of others as well. In a way we are very much like family. And who's family is perfect? Now let's go have some fun, shall we?

Since it's the first day of fall let's all go out and play in the leaves~!