Major Ethical Problem.. AHH.

[Kate]

I joined a certain website whenever I was 13 years old. It is very strictly kept G-Rated and has tons of admins. I have became very close friends with some people through that website.. and even met several people from that website in person. We have get-to-gethers every other year in different areas, and Ive had the chance to meet some awesome people.

The person I am going to tell you about happens to be someone Ive met in person.

I dont know where else to go to for advice.. Im really, really stuck here. I already talked to my parents and they said it was all up to me what I did.

Anyway..

One of the women I know from the website, had a baby recently. In order to not give too much away, Im not even going to say the gender, and because it can be googled, Im not going to say the syndrome the baby has. All I will say is the baby is about six weeks old and has something wrong with the baby that causes the baby to break bones easily and has is missing joints.

Because of this.. they were given baby narcotics. They were supposed to give these to baby for a few days. THAT IS IT.

The mom called me today.. It has been three weeks since she was supposed to stop giving baby the narcotic. However, she told me that even though the baby is not supposed to be getting them.. she is giving them to baby regularly because of.. COLIC!!!

Im sorry but I was shocked and sickened and just.. ugh. She cant stand his crying so she is drugging him. She flat out told me this.

She only lives a few states away.. I do have her home address as we have exchanged Christmas cards, etc..

Do I call someone? Do I turn her in?

Isnt this extremely hard on the infant?

Im horridly worried and I just don't know what to do.. Im driving myself crazy with this.

I've known in the past she has had problems.. drug use, drinking, etc.. but I never thought she would do anything like this. I'm so sad and frustrated and I cannot believe she told me this.

[Ann T.]

Hello, Kate

Oh, I'm very worried too. Since she told you she's giving her colicky baby narcotics, it sounds like she trusts you, therefore she's sending you a call to please help her. WHY on God's green Earth is her doctor allowing refills of the narcotic anyway?! Stay as calm as possible, locate & PLEASE CALL the DCFS(Division of Child & Family Services) in the state your friend lives in & tell them what your friend has told you. In all likelihood, the DCFS will do their best to locate & take care of her child. As you know, your friend & your friend's doctor are putting her child in extreme danger. Best wishes & keep me posted. ~Ann T.

[sixpack]

oh wow.

I am flabbergasted.

Okay, I understand feeling overwhelmed just having a child especially a special needs child. When Lindsay was very tiny, she got quite colicky at the 2 am feeding and would often cry for a couple of hours. It's really hard.

Now having said that, what she is doing is absolutely wrong. Have you told her what you think? I'm sure you felt shocked when she told you this and perhaps at the time didn't. If not, perhaps you can call her back and talk to her about it. Maybe arm youself with some numbers of support groups in her area to help her. I think it's unlikely, but do you have her families numbers? Perhaps they can intervene.

for me though I think action should be taken

[Kansas Educator]

Kate,

I am an early childhood development specialist in my school district and coordinate a program for families with young families. This has the potential to affect this child's social emotional and cognitive development for the rest of its life. The child has no say in this and you are the only one in a position to advocate for the child. Call the Child Protective Services in your state and give them the information. They will pass it on to authorities in the proper state. Your name will/should be kept confidential although the mother may guess it was you if she hasn't told anyone else. Nonetheless, this child needs to be protected and the sooner the better. Please.

[Kate]

Thank you all. I don't know any of her relatives numbers.. and honestly, as awful as I feel, I acted like it was nothing and just let it slip by in the conversation, because I didn't want to make her angry.

This friend of mine.. this isn't her first baby. Also, she's a lot older than me, and she has always treated me as somewhat of a little sisters.. and I used to look up to her for overcoming her problems. Thats why this is so hard on me. Thank you for all your advice.. I will call the services in my state. We are only a few states away.

[RobinN]

I knew a woman that was an officer in a jail. She was a single mom and when she wanted to have a "friend" over she gave her son Benadryl.

Many doctors tell parents to give Benadryl whenever they are taking plane rides.

This certainly does not fall into the narcotic catagory, but it does say something about stupid people that happen to have children.

She will know that you are the one that called, since she shared the information with you. Sad to see her get into the system before opting to try other routes. Why not sit down with her and tell her your concerns. If she is that good of a friend/sister, you should be able to communicate this to her.

[Kansas Educator]

Unfortunately, we're not talking about Benadryl. We're talking about a narcotic drug which should NOT be happening. Yes it is sad to see her name go into the system but some people need to have that happen as a big wake-up call. I still say you need to make the call.

[darkmarkshark]

A child's life is danger, you should report it.

Also, if you don't report it, then when someone does, you will be charged with child endangerment if the law ever finds out that you didn't report it after she told you. And if their involvement happens after a dangerous "accident" rather than a report, theres a good chance they will be scanning her computer for information about her abuse.

There is a form on the FBI's website to fill out about cases like this you see online, but since you have her home address, your better off calling her local authorities. make sure you document how you spoke to and when so you have something to back you up in case the report isn't taking seriously and progresses to where they look into who knew and didn't tell

[BuckeyeFan]

Obviously none of us knows enough details to make a good decision on this problem ourselves. What we can do is tell you to trust your instincts and act on what you know.

From the communication I have had with you, I have faith that you will make the right decision based on the facts that you know. I do not think you are one to let this slide.

Trust your instincts Kate.

[skillefer]

Kate, as a special ed. teacher that works with lots of kids that are alcohol and drug babies, all I can say is that I'm glad you decided to report her to the state. She sounds like she needs help.