My uncle passed last week

[Cinnabar]

John was my mentor, confidant, spiritual guider and above all my best friend. He was sharp as a tack at age 92 then fell ill. He lived a good life but was very lonely these past years.

I'm alternately greiving and dealing with matters of his estate as next of kin.
I have a very, very aggressive, manipulative 4th cousin who is making "all" matters worse. Before I had a chance to catch my breath after his death, she made funeral plans near her home upstate New York even before his death, I believe, and it will be nothing but a huge circus show. She's invited troops of people he didn't even know. Many her friends. I know this is not what he would have wanted. A small service with the few people "he knew" and me giving the eulogy. This funeral is all about her getting accolades. It's a disgrace. It a crime against my uncle.

She knows of my condition, setting me up for so much stress that I had a nocturnal seizure last night. Knowing my condition my doctors and friends are telling me I can pay tribute to him from home, especially under these circumstances. I know exactly how I'll be paying tribute. Something he would want. I've told this cousin that I'm ill (having Epstien Barr flair up as well) and have been receiving guilt e-mails about me not attending. That I would regret not attending for the rest of my life. I know better. My uncle, his spirit, knows better.

My uncle expressed a wish that upon his death that I proceed with business and then grieve later. I am doing both. Am having a very difficult time and more matters are to come.

[Bernard]

{{{Cinnabar}}}

Condolences on your loss.

We went through a similar ordeal when my wife's grandfather passed away and she had to handle the estate with her uncles causing all kinds of grief.

[Cinnabar]

Thank you, Bernard

This kind, any kind of interference is what I will call a crime against the deceased and the ones who truly love. This woman is interested in nothing but money from the estate. I fear matters will get worse from here. But will have to take measures to take care of myself both health wise and legally. I hope Stacey fared well. Thank you for your support.

[Cint]

Cinnabar,

My sincere condolences, as well.

People like your your 4th cousin are such good manipulators, they don't deserve the time of day! Please don't let her pull the "guilt trip" maneuver. We all know that the added stress only triggers seizures, so do what you can for yourself first, then proceed with business.

{{{Lots of Hugs}}}

Cindy

[Cinnabar]

Thanks Cindy,

Unfortunately, I have to "play nice" e.g. "keep your enemies closer" until the will is out of probate - the time where persons can contest the will. This will take 90 days. I know what she's capable of. Once out of probate, I can tell her where to go. In the meantime, I'll just have to take what she says with a grain of salt. Though, when I have to be "otherwise" with people, this is stressful. I'm very down to earth and it is burdensome having to act like someone I'm not. Thanks so much, though. I'll try to see her as an annoying little fly.

[Meetz1064]

to you Cinnabar. Please accept my sincerest condolences on your loss.

I am soooo very sorry that you're going through so much stress, and it's shameful that your cousin would behave in such a manner--as if that's going to change what's already in the will?!? Good grief.

Please remember that if you need someone to vent to, we'll be here for you, no matter what.

And yes, that cousin IS an ANNOYING LITTLE PESKY FLY.....

Take care, and best wishes,

Meetz

[Cinnabar]

Thank you Meetz, for your condolences.

I might have enough money, as it stands, to invest in a fly swatter.

[Birdbomb]

I think I can understand your situation. Death of a loved one can bring out the evil in some family members. I am so sorry for your loss but there is comfort in knowing your Uncle loved and understood you. He would be proud of your efforts to fulfill his wishes.

Remember to breathe deeply and speak slowly. It gives the brain clarity and helps keep you calm and in control of yourself. Hang in there, it may be a bit bumpy.

((((HUGS))))

[Cinnabar]

Thank you, Donna

My uncle did certainly love and "understand" me (we were soul mates) and I take solace in that througout this ordeal. It certainly might be a bumpy road ahead of me. But, yes, I will speak slowly and breath deeply and keep my wits about me. I have to remind myself of other trials I've been through in my life which I've surmounted. I'm a survior. Though, this is very touchy because my heart is so wrapped up in this. And when you get to this age you just hope you have the same steam...

[Bernard]

Stacy was appointed as an independent executrix of her grandfather's estate. Basically, there was no probate (2 hours in court and she was free to start handling things legally). Legal authority to handle the estate doesn't necessarily mean that relatives aren't going to continue being PITAs.

Stacy did fare pretty well through the ordeal in spite of all the stress and (figurative) headaches.

[Loopy Lou]

I had an Aunt who was much the same when my Granny died a few years ago. She immediately started going through all my granny's stuff and announced what she wanted and all that sort of stuff.

Even when the priest was in the house before my granny was taken to the cemetary she was still stealing what she could.

I'm really sorry for the loss of your uncle, and your cousins complete disregard for your feelings and his. X

[Cinnabar]

Bernard, In my case my uncle's lawyer is Health Care Proxy and Power of Attourney. As of today the will is in probate for 90 days which means people can contest the during this period of time. Do you know if persons have grounds to contest a will if someone has a seizure condition? I would think not. But people are coming out of the woodwork now, no doubt, with all kinds of amunition. The estate is considerable. I'm glad Stacy fared well with the headache of it all.

[Cinnabar]

Loopy Lou,

I know just what you're talking about. When my first husband's grandmother died all the relatives ramsacked her home clawing at each other for valuables. The woman never left a will so it was a mad house. I've never seen anything so disgraceful. I saw what I thought were well mannered people turn into absolute animals. In my cousin's case I like to believe in what goes around, comes around. She has to be the most devious person I've ever encountered and I've met plenty. Thank you for your condolences and wish me luck.

[Loopy Lou]

Good luck

((((hugs))))

[Cinnabar]

Thanks, all the support is helping already. L-