Nag Nag Nag!!!!!

[Crazy Monkey]

Today I went to a funeral of my former manager, he had only just retired and died suddenly. Several employees from work went to pay their respects as well as a large number of ex-employees. In other words a lot of people were there that I know, it was like the funeral had brought us all together again.

For obvious reasons I do not drive so therefore I hitched a lift with our production planning manager, accept he seemed to have one focus for the afternoon and that was to nag me about not having my license, he does not know that I am epileptic (most people don't) but that doesn't give him the right to nag me all afternoon and then anounce to the whole congregation that I do not drive!!!!

Maybe it is just me, but I can't see that it should be a big deal to someone other then yourself about not having a license, why does he and other people around me have such a problem with me not having a driving license it doesn't affect them in any way.

I just feel like I have been nagged, teased, asked the same questions and told the same statements all afternoon -

Oh I didn't know you don't drive!
Why don't you drive?
don't you realise how much freedom driving gives you?
don't you want your independence?
I really think it is about time you got your license!! how old are you 30?
I have L plates in the car, I'll give you a lesson!!
You can drive back to work if you want!

I felt like yelling at the lot of them to stop nagging me, I am sure they must have better things to do, we were at a funeral after all.

Maybe I am being over sensitive but it really seems to bother the people around me that I don't drive, why? its none of their business, why are they focusing on me? there are plenty of people on site at work that don't drive through choice, why don't they go and bug them?

2 years ago I had a manager that went on at me for 4 years about me not driving it was getting on my nerves, in the end I gave in and told him the reason why, he felt really stupid and left me alone after that.

Does anyone else get nagged about driving or any other restriction that epileptics cannot take part in?

[Wally]

You have absolutely NO obligation to explain to them why you don't drive or to feel guilty for not driving. You are being resonsible and safe. They are being idiotic jerks! A good friend of mine has a brother in law that can't afford to drive because he has had so many DUI's! That guy has some explaining to do, when he has to rely on family and friends for tranportation because of his own stupidity! Why don't more people mess with him?

[skillefer]

Nope I don't get naggers.....but then again, most of the people I know know that I have epilepsy. Maybe that's what you need to do....very quietly, in a private and dignified way, explain to your manager why you don't drive. It'll prolly make him feel like an idiot.

[xenome]

What are L plates?

Oh and I just tell people my drivers license is suspended. Technically it is.

[Meetz1064]

say something REALLY bizarre..... Like

"Driving's such a turn-on for me I can't control myself when driving, so I just don't drive......it's safer for everyone that way" (Sorry, I'm a bit on the warped side right now. I took some heavy painkillers a little bit ago.)

Or something equally Bizarre.

If you don't want to be bizarre, but don't want to give every little detail out, simply say that you have a medical condition that you don't feel safe driving with. They don't need to know it's E......it could be hypoglycemia or diabetes or whatever.........

[Crazy Monkey]

Xenome - L plates are stickers to put on cars in the UK for learner drivers

Skillefer - Since joining CWE I am starting to be able to talk more freely about my Epilepsy, but I am worried that if I told people in my workplace that it would be used as gossip (they gossip about everything), these people are not friends, just work colleagues. My immediate boss knows and our company nurse, so people are aware of my situation.

Hi Meetz - thats cool, I love bizarre and wacky, I am sure I can throw them a story of some description

My ex boyfriend says tell people its to reduce my carbon footprint, people don't seem to buy into that one. So then I try the money one, this one normally passes, but it doesn't make them go away, I am sure that they then try to work my funds out for me.

[xenome]

I would just tell them you cant drive. If they want to know why then just tell them that your reasons are private and you do not wish to tell them.
Act offended. They will leave you alone if they think they have offended you.

[Crazy Monkey]

Hi Xenome - Thanks for you suggestion and paying an interest in my frustrations, accept the gossip mongors on site would take great joy in the word 'private' this would probably open a competition on who could find the reason first. Unfortunately its just what these people are like.

I would very much like to be more open to my friends and colleagues about my E so I had a practice run, here is what happened -

I told somebody about my E a couple of weeks ago who I consider to be a close friend, I thought he would be understanding, accept he reacted the opposite way and won't talk to me, I am still talking to his wife so hopefully she will convince him, but there is one thing I have learnt about being epileptic and that is it sorts out who your true friends are!!!

[xenome]

When people ask me why I cant drive I usually tell them my license got suspended which kinda makes them think I did something wrong. I tell them that because it would embarrass me more if I said I have epilepsy.
Is there some reason you can give that will explain why you cant drive?

I told a guy a few months ago whom I just met and he was very open minded and accepting and I am good friends with him and his wife now. Im sorry you lost your friend, but not everyone is like that.

[Crazy Monkey]

My mum had a car accident several years ago where she had to be cut out of the drivers seat, all the people at work know about this as it happened on the road that our factory is on and you couldn't miss all the ambulances and fire engines as well as the road blocks, I have used the 'fear of driving' reason b4 now.

[xenome]

You said you would like to be more open about your condition. Perhaps you should tell them. When I told my new friend, he understood because he knew someone who had epilepsy. Maybe you could have a team meeting or something at your work and let everyone know, but give them the facts. Educate them. If they respond unfavorably, it will be because they are ignorant and afraid. The chances are just as likely though, that they will accept you and stop giving you crap for something that you dont have much control over. Perhaps theyve dealt with epilepsy before. If they have worked with you this long they would know that they shouldnt be afraid of your condition.

[Loudmouth]

Take the unusual approach?? If theyre so nosy/ gossipy you could leave some leaflets from epilepsy action out...i'm sure their curiosity would get the better of them...leave them in the loo or coffee room...qiuet and easy way of getting the info across without telling all if you're not ready. And about your friend... they may come around, it may just take them time, if they've known you for a while, and not known of your epilepsy, it is a big shock to them, then they have to understand why you didn't tell them straightaway, I had a big problem with one of my oldest friends, but now, after 8 weeks, and some internet research on her part, she has come to me, apologised, and we are talking again.

[Crazy Monkey]

thanks xenome and loudmouth for both of your ideas (the leaflet idea amused me, that will have them wondering heehee), I have great difficulty in talking about my E, my immediate boss (the one that knows) has to put up with me stammering, stuttering, half saying things, etc (none of these are due to seizures) when I am trying to tell her something E related.

I will do anything and try anything it doesn't matter what the danger, but when it comes to talking about epilepsy I am a closed book (pathetic I know, after 20 years you would have thought I had had time to come to terms with telling people by now) I think it is due to my family pretending it doesn't exist that I always tend too.

I don't think that you should feel pressured into telling someone just to get them off your case, they just annoy me when they nag so much and now it appears to be common knowledge that I don't drive thanks to 'trap on legs'

If the time is right I will tell people, but only the ones I trust, who I know will deal with it ok, won't gossip and will keep it confidential.

[xenome]

I understand how you feel, I dont like to talk about my epilepsy either. The only reason I did this one time was because I was drunk and didnt think Id ever see this guy again. But it turned into a friendship, so it worked out for the best and Id thought Id suggest it to you.
I hope these people leave you alone about the driving thing and I hope things work out for you.

[Crazy Monkey]

Thanks Xenome, it is really nice to talk to people who understand, this is really helping me.

It will calm down again, it just seemed extra bad today, coz more people got hold of the driving fact
Take care

[skillefer]

Hi Crazy Monkey! Did I ever tell you that I like your avatar? I agree with Loudmouth...you might want to take the flier approach when it comes to giving out the info on E. Just think, you'll educate the whole staff. As for me, I'm a public school teacher. Pretty much everyone at the school I work at knows. It's kind of hard to hide tonic clonic seizures. And they're all very understanding and supportive. They call my hubby when I have a seizure at school, and not the ambulance (at my request). The only person who seems a little nervous about the seizures is my boss (the Principal)...but I think that's more because he's scared of my hubby... Anyway, hope the suggestions helped....as for your friend that you did tell, give him some time. Some people just need to take some time and process the information.

[Crazy Monkey]

Thanks Skillefer for your advice, I am considering Loudmouths leaflet idea, I am wondering if I can somehow introduce the leaflets through our company nurse.

By the way - I took the pic of the monkey myself when I was in Sri Lanka, he was amusing me, can you believe he actually stole a picnic basket from the top of a bus.

[wonderdogs]

I wouls equate it to asking someone their age or how much they weigh... NONE OF YOUR BEEZWAX!

[Crazy Monkey]

too true wonderdogs!!!!

I'm not sure at what point my life became the focal point of my work colleagues.

I was grumbling today to my boss (she is aware of my condition) she didn't attend the funeral so she didn't see the days events, but she couldn't believe it when I told her how they were teasing me. She said they were all pathetic!!!!

[TeeTees]

Hey CM, I know what it's like as I haven't told any of the people I work with either...simply cuz I choose not to.

I've had the same prodding from others about driving, and I just tell 'em that I'm happy with my life how it is. I have FRIENDS who are happy to give me a lift when needed, but 9 times out of 10 I just bus it. I have NO need to get a licence apart from pouring more money into the Government's measly pockets. The amount of money I would spend every year driving a car doesn't equate to how much I have to spend using public transport. So at the end of the day it's about ME being happy what I'm doing, and if that means NOT having a licence then that is what I choose.

<take a breath>

That usually shuts 'em up.