Vent

[kris1230]

So I haven't been around in awhile, but I check in and read other posts now and then. I've been really busy, I graduate on thursday. YEAH ME! I was so excited to graduate, I went and bought a new dress, shoes, I'm getting my hair done(I do have to wear a helmet, but I can still look nice), and now I don't even want to go. I'm graduating with honors and there's people coming just to see me. I have a mixture of feelings between sad and mad and I'm just not pulling out of it this time. My doctor had to lower my medication because the levels kept testing to high in my blood or something...yeah I don't really know why, but ever since he did that I've been back to having weekly grand mals. Sucks majorly! Anyway after I graduate I wanted to go back to school for my 4 year degree in business management and I can't get financial aid. I'm only 21 years old and I ran into two problems, I need one of my parents taxes and neither of my parents did them. I asked my mom and she won't and we've argued constantly about it and it's to much stress on me. Next problem I need a co-signer and my parents won't co-sign. This has plan all along and it's my dream, I sore in school, and excellent grades, and I there's no way I can go now. I qualify for a certain amount of funds without my a co-signer, but it's not enough and I can't pay for the rest on my own because I've been out of work since august of last year. My doctor pulled me out of work. I'm hoping to get a part time job, but I'm not going to be able to pay for it on a part time job and I can't work full time or I lose my medical assistants. If I lose medical assistants I can't go to the doctor. These are my dreams and I want it so bad. It really sucks to be 21 and considered dependent when you have parents that aren't responsible. The only way around it to have a baby or get married and I don't plan on doing either anytime soon. I live in Minnesota and I don't know if it's the same everywhere, but for college fincial aid stuff your consider a dependent even if you don't live with your parents until 23 or 24 unless your married, have a kid, or your parents are dead. I think I'm also scared becasue my support is at the school. The dean and director of that school have been by side. I had a bad seizure and stoped breathing and went to the hospital and who was by my side when I woke up...The dean of students, not my mom. Lately my mom and I are aruging all the time. I've also been really moody lately. I'm tired of being sick. I want liscense back, so I can get a job, and drive. I WANT MY LIFE BACK!! I feel like I've lost all my independence. Besides not being able to get anywhere, my friends are so overprotective of me. I also feel left out because I never get invited to go out with them. I don't know if they're scared or what, but I always here them talking about how much fun they had last night, and here's me like thinking it's nice that I never get invited. I'm having trouble swallowing my medication and I don't want to be meds anymore and I know have to do it, but it sucks. I'm sad and hurt. I'm thinking about seeing a counsellor or anti-depressants, because I've never felt this low before, any advice?

[Loudmouth]

Firstly,Congratulations on your graduation.Would your dean be able to give you some advice? Have you told him/her that your parents are refusing to do the things you financially need to get you through college?is there anythign like a social services department for dependants with disabilities? or charities etc that could help with funding? I hope you can find someone who can help,i dont really know what services are avalable where you are,its all completely different over here,you're on your own with it all once you're 18 in england.Unless you have a supportive family.Which we dont all have.

[Bernard]

Hi kris, congrats on graduation! It's a worthy milestone to celebrate.

I'm not sure what type of business degree you are pursuing, but I have several friends who studied in "executive" MBA programs. The programs pay for everything (loan you the money for everything is more correct - you have to pay it back after you graduate and get a good paying job). Maybe there is something like that in your area.

[RobinN]

Congratulations Kris! Great accomplishment!

One step at a time. I am sure it feels like life is closing in on you, but if you start believing it will happen, doors will begin to open. Make a plan, and be willing to revise when the going gets tough.

[kris1230]

Thanks guys for all your support, encouragement, and advice. I'm really feeling a lot better. I graduated today and it was amazing!! I got to present my school with a certificate from the epilepsy foundation it totally meant the world to me. I was supposed to give a short speech, but that didn't go over so well, because they couldn't get me to walk up to the microphone. I was not speaking in front of anyone, and my mind was pretty stuck on that. I took lots of pictures and went out and had a great time with my friends after. Anyway thanks again.

[RobinN]

Wonderful news
I never have liked speaking in front of a crowd.

[BuckeyeFan]

HUGE Congratulations on earning your degree!

My epilepsy started while I was going to school at nights getting my first degree. I had tonic-clonics as well. The work is so much harder when you are up against E.

I am picking a few things out of your post. First, DO get a councilor. If they do nothing else but listen, it may help you bring out all of your sadness and anger. Don't jump to the anti-depressants right away, try the counseling first.

Second and I know you said you wouldn’t, marriage and babies are not the answer. I was married and a father at 18. Though I love my oldest daughter dearly, that is not the way to start out. I think your solution may lie in having yourself being declared independent of your parents. It can be done with just cause. That would clear some of the obstacles.

Third, don’t ever feel guilty about being frustrated or angry. You have every right to be mad. Vent it here as often as you would like. There are usually a couple of us around to lend an ear. Before joining CWE and still quite often, I will type out my feelings just to get them out of my system. They usually just get deleted, but that is something that works for me. It does not even have to be coherent if it is being deleted.

Fourth, I am not sure what meds you are taking, but be aware that some of them can cause these feelings as well. When I first started taking Keppra, I had a very short fuse that I didn’t even realize until later. I do much better channeling those feelings now.

Best wishes to you. Stop in soon.

[kris1230]

I'm getting in to see a counselor next week and I'll try that first. I do think that just having someone listen to me talk will help. As for continuing my education, this is my dream and I'm not giving up! I have times when things just seem to get to hard and I want to let go of everything, but I'm a natural born fighter, and there's a piece inside of me that won't let me let go. This is important to me and I WILL FIGHT for what I want. I'm starting my search next week for options on what I can do. This weekend, all I have planned is fun and relaxation! STRESS FREE...Lets hope anyway. I think once I get into see the conselor maybe she can give advice too because I need help in some other areas too, such as transportation, and living situation. My family's not supportive and I'm living with them and I think I really need to find a way out.

I am on depakote and now that you mention being on a short fuse, I think I am too. I think thats exactly the word I've been looking to describe the way I have been lately. I wonder if it could be the medication, because that's not normally me. I'm normally a really calm person that can take and ignore whatever. I am definitely not like that anymore.

[alivenwell]

I'm getting in to see a counselor next week and I'll try that first. I do think that just having someone listen to me talk will help. As for continuing my education, this is my dream and I'm not giving up! I have times when things just seem to get to hard and I want to let go of everything, but I'm a natural born fighter, and there's a piece inside of me that won't let me let go. This is important to me and I WILL FIGHT for what I want. I'm starting my search next week for options on what I can do. This weekend, all I have planned is fun and relaxation! STRESS FREE...Lets hope anyway. I think once I get into see the conselor maybe she can give advice too because I need help in some other areas too, such as transportation, and living situation. My family's not supportive and I'm living with them and I think I really need to find a way out.

I am on depakote and now that you mention being on a short fuse, I think I am too. I think thats exactly the word I've been looking to describe the way I have been lately. I wonder if it could be the medication, because that's not normally me. I'm normally a really calm person that can take and ignore whatever. I am definitely not like that anymore.

Kris, congratulations! Your ability to retain high grades in such a negative environment is a major accomplishment. It looks like you are definitely a fighter against all odds. With that attitude I'm sure you'll be motivated to do college level work.

I was in a similar situation as you. My state has a Bureau of Vocational Rehabilitation program. They make you take a bunch of IQ tests and physical tests including an EEG to prove you have epilepsy. They will place a person into an employment situation or provide an opportunity to attend college. Income levels were also a factor with this program. They may know more about the system, especially if you want to be declared as an independent.

I totally agree with Buckeye. Declaring yourself as an independent person could provide you with higher state or federal financial support as well as emotional support. The vocational rehab I had required a 2.0 (C) average for the assistance. They had counselors coming to my college who reviewed my grades, status, and overall well being. I obtained transportation from one of the local teachers who worked at a school where I taught math.

As far as employment, it is possible to also take student loans which will carry you through college. It's too much to work somewhere and study college courses. The website for FAFSA will provide you with student loans. The FAFSA website requires you to obtain a PIN, and also gives information on your college. But, FAFSA needs to see Income Taxes filed by either you (if you're independent) or your parents. They want to know EVERYTHING!

Drug companies have toll free numbers posted on this website which may provide you with medication at a lower cost, especially if you have little or no income.

When You Can't Afford Medication

Will you be able to live on campus or off campus? Around here, we have 2 year community colleges without dorms. Students frequently take public transportation to and from these colleges. They cost approximately $2000 per semester.

I went to a college and stayed on campus in a co-ed dorm. The only thing about staying on campus is the fact that they close the campus during holidays like winter and spring breaks. Then you may have to find another place to stay temporarily, especially if you want to stay away from your stressful 'family'. If you discuss this with various counselors, even at the college where you want to attend, they should be able to steer you in the right direction.

By the way, I only came home during holidays or if I needed to do my laundry. The dorms had washing machines that took money. I ate in a campus cafeteria, but the college has changed their food policies to allow students to trade in cafeteria food for restaurant food (either on or off campus).

Here's the Minnesota Vocational Rehab website that may provide more detail:

http://www.deed.state.mn.us/rehab/vr/college.htm


Good luck!

[kris1230]

Oh cool, thanks for that information, it looks like it'll be very helpful. I'll look into it. It's going to be a step out of my comfort zone to look into it, I am a very shy person, and I don't ask for help. I need it though. As for declaring myself an independent from my parents, I'm insured under them and I was wondering if I would lose that insurance than? I couldn't afford that with all my medical problems.

Krista

[alivenwell]

Oh cool, thanks for that information, it looks like it'll be very helpful. I'll look into it. It's going to be a step out of my comfort zone to look into it, I am a very shy person, and I don't ask for help. I need it though. As for declaring myself an independent from my parents, I'm insured under them and I was wondering if I would lose that insurance than? I couldn't afford that with all my medical problems.

Krista

If you're currently covered under your parent(s) health insurance plan, you should be able to get a letter of certification from the college stating you are a full time student. Full time students can retain the same coverage and not pay any health insurance fee if the college is accredited. There's also an upper age limit for student certification. If your parents keep you as a dependent, you can use the student certification.

When my son was no longer a full time student or over the age limit for my policy, he went to COBRA (a federal program) for 18 months. There is a fee for COBRA, but it allows the insured person to retain the exact same benefits. Once his COBRA expired, he obtained an individual policy for a much lower payment. I honestly don't recall if that individual policy required no preexisting condition like epilepsy. I know it looked at his overall lifestyle like no smoking or other deliberate unhealthy habits.

If you remain a dependent under your parents, you may be able to call the insurance company's phone number to find out the age limit for student certification.

If you go the route of the vocational rehab, they may pick up the cost for drug/health coverage. Their counselors would be able to tell you that stuff. They may even take your situation into account, especially if you are declared independent. You'd have to ask them about that.

I had a pretty good health plan and vocational rehab during my first degree. I personally went during the summer prior to my first fall semester to get the hard courses out of the way.