I'm a pseudo-mommy????

[Chris515]

Definitely. Great job Rae and Skillefer!

We need more people like you in this world.

CFS can be useless in Winnipeg. It's great that she is with you guys now, she'll have a better life.

[matchu]

I've been "ward of the state" at 2 different points in life. There are agencies in each province, unfortunately there are more kids in need of placement than there are places to put them. Its painfully difficult for the social workers, they have to decide who is at more risk balancing one childs pain over anothers. And even within the system there are things that go horribly wrong. There are places with locks on the fridges, 10pm curfew (if you don't arrive in time your locked out for the night), some cases where the foster situation is no better than the home they left. A girl I bunked with for awhile was transfered to a different home (bad behavior), where the foster father raped her, got her pregant, they tossed her out and she commited suicide. Thankfully, not long after their foster status was revoked but charges were never brought against him.
I was incredibly lucky, my foster parents were good people who did it for the purpose of doing the right thing. They started much the way you have Ray, one of their daughters friends' was being abused, they moved the girl in and applied for foster status so that there would be no legal recourse against them. The social worker saw what a wonderful environment they had and asked if they would be willing to take on more cases, and they did. They moved to a bigger house, to help more girls, and then had to move again! At the time I was there, there were anywhere from 10 to 15 girls at a time.

I said before and I'll say it again, the world needs more people like you!!!

I hope you realize how inspiring it is to read about true heroes. Why is it things like this never make the news? Stand up and be proud you make the world a better place and it is a thankless job.

[Rae1889]

Aw thanks everyone. it is nice to know that I have alot of people behind me on this and ones that are willing to offer up "parenting" advice.

She just got news that she is in the running for a scholarship from her work. not sure of the amount, but I did find out that kaitlynn wants to be *in her words* a shrink. She knows that its hard for people to find someone that they can have confidence in, so she wants to be the "secret holder" *again her words* She wants to be able to cheer up young kids and teens and let them know that life is hard but you will get through it. Aw "my" "little girl" is growing up! lol.

[matchu]

awesome, she is wanting to help others. She will have the tools of compassion that is for sure.

[skillefer]

Just remind her that it's not really "secret holding". sometimes, by keeping things "secret" they grow bigger and bigger and get a choke hold on our lives. I think of being a "shrink" as being a gardener...you see a big garden with lots of potential...and some "secret " are weeds, while others are just overgrown plants. You don't want the weeds to choke out the healthy and beautiful plants. So you go around and you pull those weeds. Some secrets are just overgrown plants...so we learn to prune and train them so that they can go from being something that destroys the garden, to something that beautifies it.

[skillefer]

you might want to see if your little one knows how to cook.. If she does, see if she'd like to help you cook. If not, teach her. Cooking and baking are ways that we show nurturing and affection for others. By teaching her or encouraging her to cook and bake, you can encourage a healthy relationship with food. Both my girls, and the 8yr old loved learning to cook...it was a way for them to show real pride in something they created. and it allowed us to praise them for something that had to do with food instead of constantly sounding like nagging or criticism (when it was actually concern).

[Rae1889]

good idea. I'll see if she wants to make sushi with me tonigt.

[stilldancing_98]

good idea. I'll see if she wants to make sushi with me tonigt.

My favorite times were in the kitchen. And great conversations about ourselves. It is a great blessing that you two were brought together. I won't say much is that there might be some confusion and misunderstandings. It does not work all the time but with your compassion I bet it will a lot. When my son loses it or is angry or sad, the first thing I do is tell him he is in a place where lots of people love him and does he need a hug? Because I sure need one from him.After that we just start to hug and cry or talk, have some hot tea.What ever comes from it. Just a story that came from my childhood into my sons. And I deeply appreciate your love to him.God bless you. Teresa

[Rhea]

oh Rae, you'll get to see her grow. In ways that have nothing to do with size. You'll see her learn to trust and be safe again. You'll see what the power of love and safety can do in a person's life. I wish there had been someone like you when I turned 17. Instead, I raised myself through it.
A word of advice, from my own experiences. We all develop different coping strategies. They may not make sense to you, or even to her. But, if it doesn't harm her or anyone else, let her find what works for HER to get her through it. There is a LOT of baggage, as I'm sure you've figured. I still have some, and I've been out of that life for 30 years. If there is anything I can do to help, even and understanding ear, please don't hesitate. My "life" job is to help young girls like this to not only survive, but to get through it. I've only had the opportunity to help 3 so far, (that I know about)- but I know there will be many more. It is rewarding, frustrating, painful, joyous, and a full spectrum of emotions-- but soooo totally worth it for everyone involved. Especially her..Bless you for giving of yourself.

[drarvindr]

WOW!!!! Bravo , Rae , Bravo. You've started on a journey so commendable all i can say to you is WELL DONE and good luck. It's amazing how life balances out. Some truly horrid people exist on the planet and people like you get to balance them out. ( BTW i hope the mom and bro are behind bars right now , waiting for the warden to get the key to fridge)
I know that you will do fine. As far as first order of business goes , she will need a health check up asap as you never know what torture those *&%*&^%&^ put her though ( no medical / dental in years !!!! wtf !) hard to believe god allows people like this to be mothers/brothers. I guess He fixed it up , though and brought some joy into your life. All the best. And ( he already has , but) God bless you all

[stilldancing_98]

This is so great, I raised my neice from the time she was 4 because her mother left her. We found our way. She is almost 22 now and getting her masters in non profit. She grew up with my gtc's. We are very close now. You will be awsome. Love will fine the way. This child will grow with the ability of compasion, open mindedness, love, and the ability to always go on. I am proud of you Rea. Sometimes you just know what is the right thing to do.God bless you.

[matchu]

bless you rae, wise beyond your years you are!

[Dragongiraffe]

Hi Rae
I only picked up on this today, and of course was not a member the time you published this.
What a wonderful thing you and Chad did for this girl. Unbelievable ! You two have a heart of gold, thank God there are people like yous in the world !!! I read about you helping out in that accident, you must have some wings somewhere, I'm sure of it !
I said it before, I say it again: THANKS THAT YOU ARE IN OUR WORLD, and even better, that you are my friend.
Luv u
Anja xxx

[Miss Choccy]

Hi Rae,

After reading this thread again - after it has come 'active' again I want to know how Kaitlynn is these days. I think it would be a good idea to have an update on her to see and learn how she is now. I know when this thread first came up - reading about Kaitlynn's situation and how she was developing living with you, with great interest. It was very heart-warming because of how and Chad helped her so much to grow.

Hoping you don't mind me asking the above, Rae.

Miss Choccy

Susan

[Rae1889]

Well its unfortunate to say that things didnt work out with Kaitlynn and we were forced to kick her out October 1st. She got into a relationship with a boy that totally changed her. When she first moved in with us she was shy, meek and scared. She was helpful around the house, didnt stay out late (usually 11 the latest) and cleaned up after herself. The only problem we had with her was getting her to eat as she never had the option before to go into the firdge and eat if she was hungry

Then this boyfriend of hers kept her out late. had her sneaking back into the house at 5:00am. Drinking underage, skipping work, then found out she was stealing from us. (just $2.00 at a time for bus fare, but thats not the point, its still theft) she also was fired from her job from taking cash from the taxi fund. Things just escalated out of control to the point where she was lying etc.

Her health was taking a turn for the worse because of her drinking. I told her to stop and she wont have pain anymore and she didnt listen until she ended up in the hospital 2 months before her 18th birthday after drinking, and while at the hospital she was charged with underage drinking and gave a hefty fine she tried to make us pay because we were her signing gaurdians. We kicked her out. She didnt wanna listen and made us look bad so we kicked her out.

[matchu]

that is unfortunate Rae, your still one of my heroes!

[Endless]

Rae,

I'm so sorry about Kaitlyn. It sounds like she's an alcoholic, and isn't in the place where she can quit drinking yet. Or even admits her drinking is a problem. Nothing you do or say will change that, until the day that lightbulb goes on in her head and she seeks help.

Anyway, we love you for trying.

[Zoofemme]

It is sad to hear that someone would be unappreciative of the love and aid that you and Chad would give them and then try to take advantage of you as well THe two of you did an awesome thing and so soon after you were just married. Big hugz to both of you for what you did do!

[Miss Choccy]

Hi Rae,

Very sorry to hear what has happened with Kaitlynn after all you and Chad did for her and after she moved in with you and Chad she had so much going for her and she threw it all away for the sake of a no good boyfriend. Very sorry to hear that she did the dirty on you by stealing from and all the other stuff she did to you and Chad.

You and Chad did your very best - you gave her a very stable home-life with freedom to do what she wanted within certain boundries - extremely reasonable ones, love, respect, food, caring, and many other things too. Unfortunately with the problems she has with alcohol she needs to admit and realise that she has that problems before she can get help she needs - and this something she has to do on her own devices. Nothing you or Chad could have done would of made her realise that.

Miss Choccy

Susan