please help by letting me know if you can relate.

[coloredCYANIDE]

So I just introduced myself in another thread, but thought these questions and statements belonged here instead.

How have epilepsy or related medications affected the idea of just finding a significant other? Are feelings of undesirability common, and does it make things socially awkward? I feel as though I have met a girl who will follow me to the ends of the earth (when she feels like it), but the human curse of "there must be more" always begs to question whether I can be with someone who will treat me better. She did take care of me during a seizure but did not follow what I told her to do, resulting in a spinal compression fracture that has kept me in daily pain for almost 2 years, even with physical therapy.

Has your self-perception or self-esteem changed since taking clonazepam or anything else? Has the way you treat those around you changed? Has the way you've handled curveballs thrown in life changed, or do you simply see yourself as stronger for being able to cope with this? My own neighbor and his 2 friends robbed my apartment while I was gone, taking $6500 in musical equipment and I literally felt like dying. That channeled itself into some pretty serious anger issues and episodes of uncontrollable depression, but at least all 3 were arrested and charged in the end; got my stuff back too thanks to networking and good police work.

Even with each sporadic victory, every single day I've found myself becoming more cynical and negative even though life has provided me with incredible opportunities (being involved with my own music/bands, studying immunology/cancer virology thanks to scholarships and my family) and even a way to stop these attacks with damn near perfect efficacy-- and I don't intend to let ANYTHING go to waste...

But when achieving something in life is at a cost of saying things I don't mean to people in my life who truly love and support me, it's hard not to feel absolutely undeserving. This is on top of the physiological effects for me including digestive acidity, depression (which can be even worse as it implies so many other things), general malaise, difficulties in class, etc. Does anyone else ever feel the same, at least mentally?

God it's so hard not to sound completely spoiled, I have no idea how bad anyone else here truly has it, and I could just be a whiner to a lot of you. In the same vein, giving up dreams or maybe even going as far as to say one hates being alive could be a commonality. I'm almost done with graduate school now but if the slightest head injury throws me into a literal epileptic abyss, what was the point of 1) being away from people I love 2) not doing something I completely love and 3) doing something that resulted in loss of love for self? Who knows, like I said I'm a bit of a cynic.

Thanks for reading the novella of man-bitching.

-Sam

[Nakamova]

I find that epilepsy is a non-factor in my dating. Any social limitations preceded the onset of my epilepsy I feel that I am the same person that I was B.E. I am perhaps more connected to those who support me and whom I support, but that might also be an inevitable result of the variety of experiences I've accrued at my advanced age (47).

My emotional life and self-esteem did briefly change while I was on one particular medication (Zonegran). I attribute that to the fact that Zonegran works as an appetite suppressant, and also makes the stomach quite acidic. The net effect was constant low blood sugar and the associated effects on mood and cognition (It made me cranky, depressed and dumb). When I switched to a different med (Lamictal) I no longer suffered from those particular issues.

In my case, it seems pretty clear that any emotional changes were med-related, but for many people with epilepsy the distinction is a fuzzy one. A significant percentage of people with epilepsy suffer from depression. Unfortunately, it's not clear whether the two conditions co-occur due to some shared root cause or susceptibility, or if one is causal of the other. Complicating the picture is the role that medications can play, as well as external factors like social stigma and financial stress. If you aren't sure whether it's the epilepsy or the meds or something else directing your moods and behavior, let your doctor know. There may be adjustments that can be made that will help. You may also want to look into dietary approaches, or neurofeedback. More info here http://www.atkinsforseizures.com/ and here http://www.coping-with-epilepsy.com/...-neurofeedback

[coloredCYANIDE]

You are lovely. Thank you.

[Meetz1064]

I've had E all of my life. I've been on a large number of E meds in my life....it's over 14 at this point. Right now, I'm on a cocktail, LOL, and one of them is Clonazepam. I have 4 types of nocturnal E, all of them under control now.

I've been through a lot of ups and downs as well, due mainly to meds. The effects of the meds through the years have done many things to my poor ol' body, but now they seem to have evened out a bit.

Diet does tend to help many of us...the Atkins helps, the GARD diet, there's several others as well. Some vitamins are quite helpful, too, but don't overdo it on them...you can sometimes harm yourself when you're trying to do good.

Keep a journal when you're trying the new things, and see what's helping you the most. Then stick with the journal. It will eventually help you find triggers as well.

Best of luck to you!

Meetz