What to do with some one who...

[Rae1889]

Always seems to need the attention, but you can catch them in a lie when they mess up their story?

The reason I ask is this:

I just saw that Munchausen thread, and I think my real life friend has this. But I'm not sure how to tell him that, and I'm sure he will be offended. So here are my reasons why i think he has it and tell me what you think and what i should do. This would seem much easier telling someone you dont personally know over the internet, than possibly watching him cry, and thinking this is an attack.

So shortly after I first met him I got told I have ovarian cysts (no biggie but they sure hurt during that time of the month) and when everyone was making sure I was okay, *i ended up in the hospital because one rupture* and when I went out with him and a group of friends, they were all asking how I was doing, and his response was, "oh I know it can be rough with hospitals. I have lung cancer." Just up and out of nowhere, and nobody heard of this before. And suddenly he's had it for 4 years and it was getting worse. (he was only 19 at the time, which would have made him 15 when he had it, and he said it was from being a heavy smoker and drugs. )

Now I'm sorry, * should have said something when I clued in* But here in Canada, anyone under 18 with a serious medical condition must have parental consent for the tests, and if the doctors knew, and he refuses treatment *which he said he did* Child and Family services would come down and check for child abuse, because it is usually the parents that tell a child not to get treatment for whatever reason (usually religious reasons). And he said his parents dont know he has it because he never told them.

Those test are long, tiring and painful *I know cuz when I had another issue, they tested me for lukemia and that is a painful needle thing in your hip* so his parents would have known.

Then later on we sort of grew apart, until just recently when he broke up with a girlfriend none of us liked for her attitude. He was a security gaurd at the greyhound bus depot, and said he has been stabbed 3 times and survived. We were still friends with some of his other friends, and not one of them mentioned him being stabbed, going to the hospital, apparently "barely making it" etc etc.

We went swimming, and sure enough he has no scars. His excuse was he heals real nice, yet from the cuts he got when we knew him, he actually keloids really bad.

He has said while working at the bus depot, he has been hit in the head by a baseball bat *which changes to a crow bar every once in a while* hes broken ribs, thrown people out by there hair when they are drunk and homeless *fairly sure he would have lost his job for that* and the list goes one.

He tries to be a regular bad ass. trying to show me up with all the drugs i used to do when I was younger. Yet when I use street names for drugs, he has no idea what I am talking about.

What to do, what to do? and HOW to tell him?

[Rae1889]

And I forgot to mention that there has been no more word of his "lung cancer" since it was first brought up 3 years ago.
But when I was given my diagnoses for epilepsy, suddenly he is hacking up "invisible" chucks of tar and lung and blood. Really loud fake coughs. nothing to be seen flying but spit.
hmmm....He is a great guy other wise, unless something tells flags him to fake his illness.

[Nakamova]

I think one aspect of Munchausens is the desire to get the attention from doctors and hospitals -- even to the point of submitting to invasive medical tests. So if that's not part of your friend's routine, then it might be more like he's a pathological liar with extreme insecurities. Clearly he feels the need to be "competitive" about health stuff, hoping that will get him some sort of attention and status. Therapy would help, but he'd first have to admit to a problem...

[Crystal11]

I have a long time friend that I went to school with. He always exaggerated his blindness/low vision and then magically developed a hearing loss which confused teachers and staff. He has hearing aids now which now the doctors are looking into why he keeps going back to the doctor's office with complaints. The new audiologist wants all his records from every doctor! This is probably a good thing. He makes everything out to be the worst of the worst. I asked him to come with me to a neurology visit and he picked up a print magazine about migraines and all of the sudden he has migraines which I never heard of at all. So he goes to the doctor and gets pain meds for those- but doesn't really take them like it says to. Then he is reading a long in the waiting room with me and he says "Topamax?" and I said "Thats actually an anti-epileptic drug anticonvulsant and its used for Epilepsy but can be used for migraines. Boy- he took that and ran with it! He preceded to talk to his doctor about this Topamax and as soon as he was on it, he started having complex partial looking events- his eyes were closed the entire time and he was able to remember many thing. Now if it were real, then he would not be able to remember so many details.
Now he has hearing loss which is not real, he now has seizure disorder which is not real, and I have seen over 100 of these events personally. He would have 20 grand mal looking events daily but not have a single scratch, injury or anything else that would lead you to believe he has real Epilepsy. Now he had a video EEG which shows he has psuedo seizures. I knew this from the beginning though becuase I would tell his wife something during his events and he would remember what I said. this would be impossible if you're in a real generalized seizure.
SO- they will be coming down to visit us in December and I'm extreamly mad at him for what he has put us through. He knows what he is doing and I believe that its either psuedo seizures all the way or malingering or Munchausen. I am not a doctor but they will figure it out eventually. He is on anti-epileptic drugs now which are not helping a bit. He believes them to be real so much so that he injures himself but never his face, as in falling on his face during a grand mal for example.

Anyways- its definitly hard to discuss this with him since he beleives it to be real. I think he knows what he is doing- never showed up until he came with me to my neurology visit to get my ambulatory EEG off. I am kinda confused on whether I should talk to him about it, or leave it a lone.

I am thinking that leaving it alone, and letting the doctors take care of it would be the best idea for both my friend and your friend you talk about. Both of these people we talk about seem to want attention for anything even if it hurts them in some way, physically, mentally or emotionally. They don't care- they want the attention and can be brought on my stressors too. I can think of a lot of things that could have brought these psuedo seizures on for him.
I wish you the best of luck, sorry for writing so long on your thread.
Take care..
Crystal

[Meetz1064]

what does your friend's wife say about him? I'm curious....

Personally, I'd let the doctors deal with him.

[Loudmouth]

I can't for the life of me understand why someone who doesn't need these tablets would want to take them? And as for not injuring his face etc, there aren't many parts of my body I haven't done something to during seizures in the last 6 yrs, including grilling my bottom (I have scars in the lines of the grill!) fracturing my jaw tearing my shoulder muscles, to name just a few. It's not possible to prevent injuries during a seizure (short of wrapping yourself in a hundred weight of cotton wool and living in a padded room), because you're not aware of what your doing. I just hope his doctors can sort out whatever his REAL issues are, as he obviously needs help in some way.

[mamaruns]

If you really want to know what I would do...personally I would not want anything to have to do with that person, I have enough of my own personal things to deal with and don't need "friends" messing with my head and causing me unecessary stress or anguish. Don't get me wrong, I don't mind helping my friends when they really need it, I just don't have patience in my life for friends that are needy all the time. It's draining to me. I would just let the doctors deal with him too. I know that sounds harsh, but I just can't handle people like that.

[Nakamova]

I agree. Sometimes you have to set boundaries to protect yourself.