Long time

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gnault

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It's been quite a long time since I've been on here, probably since mid-June, shortly after my wife passed away. Yesterday my 23rd wedding anniversary. I see my neurologist on the 30th and I have to sit down in advance and think about how things have gone since I last saw him. My wife was still alive then.

I've had some weird sensations randomly over the past 5 months. It's hard to believe that in 14 days it will be 5 months since my wife passed. There have been a few times where either my knees smacked together or my ankles. At least twice I have felt very briefly what felt like a burning sensation right behind my eye brows. On at least one occasion maybe twice I had the shakes and jitters. All these sensations/occurances were random and about 2or 3 seconds up to about 5 - 10 seconds (the shakes).

Since my wife passed away my sleep patterns are all messed up. I don't like going to sleep most nights as I now go to bed in a half empty bed. I know I need to for my own health but I don't like it. Most nights I get 5 1/2 hrs sleep sometimes a bit less. I know it's not enough. Stress right now is not through the roof but it's much higher now that I'm a single dad.

I'm just sharing a bit to help get things out.
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It's very hard to find your way through grieving the loss of a loving partner. You can't go around it, you just work your way through it as long as it takes. But is there any way you can have friends or family help you out a bit? As you note, it's important to get sleep, it's important to take care of yourself because you're taking care of others.
 
Hi gnault,

It's great to hear from you again. I'm sorry to hear about your wife passing away and my prayers are with you.

There's been times when I had a hard time sleeping and that in turn triggered seizures for me like crazy. If you haven't tried it yet you may want to try using cbd (medical marijuana) that makes a person tired and it also has reduced my seizures greatly. If you do want to try be sure to check with your pharmacist and make sure it won't interact with any other meds you are taking.
I wish you only the best and May God Bless You!

Sue
 
Nakamova,
The honest truth is that there are times when I don't want to go to sleep. I hate sleeping in the bed without Darla. I usually fall asleep out of exhaustion. I set up a few of her pictures and have our wedding song playing in the background and then I fall asleep after looking at her empty pillows. I don't really have a whole lot of support. Her parents live with spring and fall still but they are in their 70's and I have her sister that lives in the same city. My brother and sister live half of the way across Canada so they're not close. I have friends and acquaintances but that I fully can depend on.

I have been doing my own form of therapy according to some people. I bake and give it away. I gave cookies and baking to the minor procedures clinic, respirology clinic and an apple pie to the coordinator of the epilepsy department. It helps occupy my time but doesn't always help with my sleep. Its a good distraction but doesn't always help with the emptiness or the stress of raising two boys, running a household by myself and then add in normal work stresses.

I go for monthly massages and the odd extra massage when needed. I had to get a second bite plate as my clenching has increased considerably. Most days by mid-day or sometimes supper time my body aches. The other my body ached even just laying in bed. A lot of nights I'll soak in my whirlpool tub.

I try to do self care when I can. I even connected with a lady in New Hampshire that lost her husband a number of years ago and we talk regularly. Self care reduces stress but it doesn't replace sleep. I also found out that a cousin of mine has terminal cancer and my father in law who has Parkinson's went in for emergency bowel surgery.

A week or two ago I was just leaving from my workout and something triggered in my mind some of my wife's final words. It still plays in my head. I went through almost three days of guilt feelings. No magic cure but trying to navigate through it and not allow myself to trigger an event. Missed my pills once or twice since also. If's been 15 yrs since my grand mal and I don't need another one. I've medication issues and possibly a few minor episodes so now is not the time to mess with things.
 
It sounds like you are doing all the right things for self-care, but as you say, getting a good night's sleep would go a long way. I don't know if this will work for you, but I take a "SuperSnooze" supplement from time to time: https://www.puritan.com/sleep-relaxation-1856/super-snooze-with-melatonin-010352

It may seem counterintuitive, but it can also help to keep a daily journal of your grief. If you write in it in the early evening (but not right before bedtime), it's another way of "getting things out." Having a regularly scheduled time to externalize your grief can train your brain to leave the sleeping hours for...sleep. It may take a little time for the "training" to take hold, so if you try this be patient.

:hugs:
 
The simple truth is that I miss her so much. Feel empty without her.
 
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