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Old 03-23-2014, 12:32 PM
JMH JMH is offline
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New here but not to the game

Hi and been looking and reading posts all morning. Had my first seizure when I was 19 (currently 42). Have only had 5 or 6 in my life but been on medicine since I was 20. The times I've had them are identifiable - changing medicine, was sick for a week and levels went down. Last seizure occurred about 3 weeks ago when I was driving on an expressway during rush hour traffic. Hit another car going around 50 MPH. Got pretty banged up and totaled my car but luckily other person wasn't hurt at all.

I know my situation is nothing compared to the vast majority and it is pretty weak of me to even waste anyone's time. My issue is that I have three boys 11, 9, 7 who are extremely active and a great wife that I feel like I have I'm nothing but a burden. I get driven around by my wife or my in-laws and can't take by kids anywhere by myself. I'm sick of hearing that it isn't a big deal and everyone will help. I absolutely lost it this morning and scared the people I love most.

I know I'm lucky to have people to say this and they mean it but I don't want help and least of all don't want people feeling sorry for me.

Chalk this up to someone who is extremely bitter and feeling sorry for himself that needs to vent because I'm taking things out on the wrong person - my wife.

Thanks to anyone who reads and god bless everyone who affected by this crap.

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Old 03-23-2014, 01:28 PM
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Howdy and welcome. Venting is fine and this is a good place to do it. I was diagnosed at age 22 and I'm 55 now. I've had times where I have had to be driven around, but at this point virtually all of my seizures are partial ones, rather than tonic-clonic, so I'm pretty much able to do whatever. My partial seizures are not well controlled at all. I have about 300 a year, have been on 5 different meds and now have a vns implanted (since January of this year, so it's too early to see how it will work).
I have three kids who are grown now, but they have all lived with my seizures their entire lives and are OK with them. It's hardest on my wife, I think, because the seizures really scare her, even though they are pretty minor. Epilepsy can be scarier for our families than for us, and more frustrating for us than for them.
I said all that just so you know that I know where you're coming from. Been there, done that, got the t-shirt. The message that I would like to leave you with is to work on separating your own frustration and anger toward your situation from what other people are feeling. (Or from what you think they are feeling, which may not be the same thing!) Also, don't compare yourself to others. We all have our own pains and hurts to deal with, and those are independent of the pain of others. If I whack my thumb with a hammer it's gonna hurt like heck, and it won't hurt less if I think of someone who got their finger cut off. Just deal with what you have where you are, vent as much as you want to "safe" people (like us here) and be gracious to the people around you who are doing the best they can to help you out and understand what you're going through. You need their help right now, and that's OK. I hope that you would do the same for a friend or family member if they needed help, so let them help you.
Well, enough said. It's a beautiful day here and I'm gonna go outside for a while. Take care of yourself and hang out here as much as you need to.

Epilepsy: When Your Brain has a Mind of its Own.
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Old 03-23-2014, 06:33 PM
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Hi JMH --welcome!

You've come to the right place to vent. CWE members definitely get it; epilepsy sucks and it can be scary and depressing too, esp. when it makes us feel dependent or diminished. I hope the venting helps, and you get to a point where you feel better about yourself and less hamstrung by worry.
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Old 03-24-2014, 02:59 PM
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So sorry to hear about the car accident! What type of seizures do you have?
Don't beat yourself up over having a condition you had no control over! It sounds like you have a great family that loves you for who you are.

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Old 03-24-2014, 03:14 PM
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I'm sorry your seizures started back and that you had an accident.

I was diagnosed when I was 2 seizure's started before than and I'm not 52 years old.

my husband is great when I need to vent but he also has E but he hasn't had a seizure since he had surgery when he was 17.

It helps if you just have someone to talk to when you need to vent.I've found walking helps me also even writing things down.
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Old 03-24-2014, 03:40 PM
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JMH, goodness I know where you are at. I lost my drivers license (again) about 8 months ago. Though I have been lucky in my seizure life (20 years) and when having seizure in car always had time to pull over. Lost my license 5 times and goodness, I know how life changes. My fingers are truly crossed for you... great hopes that things go well with you and steps shoot in a good way that you feel.
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