I cant take things anymore!

[momof3boys]

Today was NOT a good day at all! I got up, with the kids and started off a weekend like any other weekend would normally go... them wanting to play video games, got dressed. Ate, played. etc. I normally never take all three kids to the grocery store with me, but I had to make sure I got some breakfast stuff and dinner idea for tonight. So I chanced it and took the kids. It went ok. Better than other times. Then my husband gets home. He walks in the door at 2:30pm. At 2:38pm, the phone rings. Its his boss. Now before I go any further, his boss has came to my husband over the past couple of years wanting my husband to fix his familie's cars for CHEAP. My husband went to college and got his degree in auto mechanics. He worked for a dealer ship before and when we met, and then as the economy changed, he had to change careers. Since then, this guy keeps coming to my husband, to fix their cars. In the past I didnt mind. But it got to point where he would start to drop off cars while my husband was at work, and expect my husband to fix them right after coming home from work. With a family of five, it seemed like he was never here to help me. I felt like a single parent. So Last summer, I put a stop to it. Told my husband we had too much to focus on, and til we got things under control and easier to handle, we just cant have him coming by whenever expecting my husband to fix their cars! Well today, thats what we got a call about... his boss wanted him to look at his car! And thats not the half of it! when he called, he was already in the back of our house, where our garage is at! He didnt even bother checking in with him prior to coming! He was told last year that we had to take a break from fixing cars. But today he apparently felt different and wanted my husband to fix his stupid car! I was in shock to say the least. I was getting ready to go to my mom's house for a movie night, just to relax before the summer hits on thursday! Then Im at home with all three kids. Well, it was too late. the guy was already here, and so my husband had no choice but to go see what was wrong with the car. I told my husband to only check to see what it was, and tell him he didnt have time to fix it. Instead, he comes back 15 minutes later, walking into the house to tell me that he is going to take the kids and go get a new part for his boss's car! :soap: HELL NO HE IS! I told him straight out, I was not going to let him give into this guy! I mean this guy takes full advantage of my husband! If he goes to a local repair shop, they charge $100 an hour, instead, my husband charges half, $50 an hour! I hate the fact that this guy thinks he can come to us whenever he pleases! It ruined my day and I was looking forward to getting out of the house for a girls night out! Instead, my husband was too damn scared to tell his boss no, and I walked out and said it to him! I swear, He is so damn chicken! He cant confront anyone! With all the stresses Ive had to deal with, this was the last thing I expected to deal with today! My husband has a brain tumor we found out he has since sept 2011. I have seizures if I dont get enough sleep or stress easily over things. My last seizure was five days ago. Our son was diagnosted with ADHD in december 2011, and Im the one responisble for paying all the bills, medical stuff, Everything! Im so sick of it! So my husband and I got into a huge fight. I feel like Im a single parent around here taking care of everyone and everything but myself. He even complained to my mom and aunt that he didnt expect me to take care of his medical papers for financial aide, and he was waiting to hear back from the lady about it. But guess what, we never did hear back from the lady, and if I didnt send the forms in, 8 days from now he is scheduled to have hand surgery for carpel tunnel and he wouldnt be able to have the surgery if it wasnt for me! But again, today he complained about how Im 10 steps ahead of him and thats not his fault!

I get no appreciation for anything I do around here. Not even a thank you. Im sick of it. I have to change things. I cant live like this no more. The more I stress, the more my chances of having more seizures increase. Now I cant go out and have a good girl's night out. Im stuck taking care of the house duties and making sure the kids are ready for bed here soon for school tomorrow. gosh I feel like giving up sometimes!

 

[rich956]

Hugz
sorry about your day...hope it gets better...

 

[momof3boys]

Thank you. I am praying tomorrow is better. I still need to eat supper, but have no desire for food.

 

[Cordero]

You poor thing. I pray it all gets better too and for the strength to endure through this tough time.

 

[momof3boys]

thank you. I do too. Ive been thinking and I think the only way Im going to get my point across, is to stop doing things for him. If I do laundry, I will do the kids and mine. I need to let him realize all the things I do around here for him while he is at work. I have all these things to do, and I do them all and get no appreciation for anything. Just a simple "Thank You" would be great to hear. Years ago we hit a rough patch and went to a counselor through this work. When the lady counselor heard I was a stay at home mom, this was shortly after giving birth to our third child. At the time I had three kids under the age of 3. I was having a hard time adjusting to taking care of three kids and my husband, and wasnt taking anytime to care for myself. She pointed out to my husband that even if Im a stay at home parent, out of 24 hours each day, I should be entitled to 30 minutes each day of "Me Time", with no kids. Just taking 30 minutes to myself relaxes me. The bad thing is that it didnt "hit home" with him and I dont get that often. Now I have my aunt trying to tell me what to do. It sucks. I just want to be shown alittle appreciation and to have some of the crap being taken off my plate. It will allow me to feel better about myself and focus on me more.

 

[rich956]

on a nice note ;
come on over ,ill cook up a feast for ya,lol
I sent pics of last nites taco feast i made to a pal of mine in ferntree gully Australia.she was delighted.lol

 

[Nakamova]

I'm so sorry you have to deal with all of this. I hope you can find a way to get your husband to sit up and take notice, and I truly hope that you can get through this together.

 

[RachelinAZ]

‎{{{hugs}}}

 

[acpollard2010]

My wife had to sit me down an explain it to me in hindsight shoulda known helps out a lot they just want u to show em u can do things by urself and show em u love them acts of kindness,caring and doin other thinga u normally dont do

 

[Sheripark]

I'm a stay at home mom of 4 kids. I also had three in diapers at once then just when I thought we were done we had Nathan. I only work part time in the military. This involves traveling to work (get a hotel and girl time). I know being a domesticated goddess is one of the hardest jobs EVER! But....it is also the most rewarding. My advice. I know your tempted to do all the laundry except his but I really think that is a bad idea. You are setting yourself up for hard times. You'll feel better if you do for all but then on his day off tell him he has to do ALL the laundry to give you a break. I think making it a roommate scenario will not strengthen your marriage. Think about yourself older with no children to care for. Is your husband the one you want to spend those days with? If a marriage fails you want to be able to have that confidence within yourself to say I did my part. If he doesnt meet you half way then....... Be confident and secure when you dump some responsibility on him. Don't even fight about it. Tell him he is doing the laundry today and thank him as well, just like you want to be thanked. Gosh, best of luck. Just remember to stay happy. In the big picture you know what really matters. Also, my oldest son has ADHD, medicated. Patience, patience, patience. That's the only advice. These little guys feel our frustration with them, and I always felt like the teachers made them feel bad as well. It hurts! I made the mistake of letting many things slide with him. After all, if I yelled at him for everyone he was doing wrong I would be yelling all day. Especially hard when the girls (all 13months apart) fell perfectly into place. Now he is a teen. A nice kid but LAZY. We are paying for it now. If I could go back in time I would have helped him more, empowerd him to get tasks done. By letting him get away with things I was reinforcing the message that these children get "you are not smart enough" "you can't get your work done because you don't pay attention" "stop fidgeting" They hear this ALL FRICKEN DAY. I wish I would have taken the extra effort to make him feel like he could do anything, just needed to give him the tools to break tasks down. I should have taken the simple things (like making a bed a keeping a room tidy) and helped him more. Smiling and telling him how great he is but still getting all those chores done. Gosh I can ramble forever about marriage and kids. Just make sure he feels empowered because my experience with school is that they don't feel special they feel like an outcast always in trouble. So sad....

 

[jyearta]

Sorry for what your are going through AGAIN. Sounds like your huband boss is a real jerk and is taken advantage of your husband.

 

[Cordero]

How are things going?

 

[LJ-Bain]

I sure hope you were able to reschedule that night out with the girls.
I think I'd be screaming into a pillow or going for loooooong walks right around the kids bedtime.
I hope it helps to vent here!
Life with kids and a husband who doesn't share the load equally is stressful enough without having to throw seizures into the mix.
That boss must be either a jerk or totally self absorbed not to realize that he's taking advantage of someone so openly. I wonder if your husband feels like it's job security to do favours for him.

 

[julie wishes]

grrrrrrr... men

 

[AndrewIrish]

I feel for you but let me add some perspective on some things I saw from the male POV - He has a brain tumor, just got home from work to find his boss there and finds out he's got to fix a car, is polite to the man who signs his checks and after work offers too grab the kids off your hands for a minute while he has to drive back out again after work to get things needed for something he hadn't planned to do and in the midst of all of this he's engaged in an argument with his wife - ID be beyond stressed out and I think you two probably just need to take a vacation and unwind

 

[momof3boys]

I so wish we could take a vacation. This year we didnt get to have one since he had hand surgery on his hand for carpel tunnel. He got to take two weeks off, and another week due to his surgery. But with the costs we have had to deal with this year, it just wasnt in our budget to take a vacation this year. I think it really would have made things better just getting out of the house and relaxing. In the meantime, things are going alittle better. We dont have to deal with his boss now coming after us for my husband to fix his vehicles. After many times of him asking, my husband finally told him a few days ago that we just cant do it at this time. Its alot of stress for me with having three kids at home, and when my husband gets home, id like to take at least half an hour to myself to relax.

 

[Eli]

:clap: Yeahhh for your husband!

Hope this week continues to get better.