Need some "friendly" advice

[jamie0168]

Ok, the only reason I posted this in this forum is because I think the people in this forum are much more supportive than others. And I hope you can help me with this situation.
Ok, my best friend (now EX) Angelina started treating me like crap last July. I didn't know why. We tried to work things out and she said she'd be nicer. But she didn't. She didn't accept any of my lunch offers, wouldn't call, wouldn't talk to me (and I was her freaking roommate!)
So, I told her last November I was moving out (1. I wanted to be with my boyfriend and 2. I couldn't stand her anymore!) Ofcourse, I didn't tell her number 2. She said she was fine with it. And she was cool....for about a week.
Then, she comes in the house talking crap to me how I shouldn't get my deposit back for the apartment because I chickened out on my half of the lease, etc etc.
So, after that, I lost it. I didn't confront her, but I gave her the HUGE cold shoulder (the one she'd been giving me for months.) And it hasn't changed since.
I moved out, I never speak to her, she blocked me from her facebook, we won't even look at each other if we pass in the hallway.
Problem is... I have so much hate for this woman. She has put me through so much grief that I never deserved. I deserve such a better friend than her. I've needed to go to confession for the HORRIBLE things that I've wished upon her. It consumes me. I've never had this much hate for someone. So.....why do I keep caring what's going on in her life? She just got engaged and found out she's pregnant (surprise, btw.) I can't imagine her being happy with this. Her wedding planning went from 1.5 years down to 1 month! For some reason, I see this as an opportunity to start things over between us.
But please understand, this woman is unforgiving. She's completely neurotic. I don't know why I want to be friends with her again...esp. after the way she just though our friendship away.
Can anyone explain to me how I can have peace with MYSELF?

 

[skillefer]

Hi jamie! Welcome to the forum! Wow, you've been through a lot. It sounds like you need to let go of your anger. By remaining angry with Angelina, you give her power over you. You are letting her own and control your emotions. Anger destroys people from the inside out. It blinds them to all the goodness and blessings that are in life. So my advice to you, is that you make the active choice to forgive her, and let her live the life that she has chosen. Let her go. If you need to, write a letter to her telling her exactly how she hurt you and that you forgive her, and then burn the letter. The thing is, you need to get your emotions off your chest. You need to let her go. You need to reclaim control over your emotions. You need to forgive. I don't know that you'll have much peace until you do. Just my 2 cents.

 

[Birdbomb]

It's hard to walk away from people who mean a lot to us. You can't fix her, and it's HER loss. She may not understnad that now, but someday she will.

I had a good friend and we had a falling out. I walked away from the relationship because it was unhealthy. The loss of her friendship still hurts even after 20 years, but we can never be friends again.

Skillefer has given you excellent advice. Write that letter. Don't worry about grammer/spelling just get those feelings on that paper. I've done that too. What I thought would be just a page turned into 14 pages front and back! Talk about cleansing the soul! But DO NOT mail it. Burn it in a private ceremony as an ending to the pain.

 

[Bernard]

skillefer gave great advice.

The class I took in applied psychology says that when strong emotions are driving your decision making, you are largely acting out patterns that were set in childhood. Ie. if as a child, you had an issue (or issues) with acceptance / rejection, it is likely clouding your ability to act rationally as an adult.

Don't let your self worth be dictated by how Angelina treats you. Sometimes people just need to go their own way.

 

[montse]

Forget her, you are suffering while she is enjoying her life, I am not a "believer" but I think that life will give us back what we gave before.You were a good friend, she was not, so think in future, make new friends.
IT will be like embers of fire, it is still hot but some they it will be extinguished.

 

[alivenwell]

I believe in karma. She will get that back at sometime in the future. You might not see it happen, but.....

For now, all you can do is focus on the present. You can't worry about yesterday and you can't worry about tomorrow. You can plan tomorrow and you can learn from yesterday, but the worry and stress will hurt you.

Please try to apply positive thinking and stress management to your daily routine. Take it one day at a time.

Good luck!