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  #1  
Old 04-23-2018, 01:05 AM
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Tips on getting a husband


I thought I'd give you all some tips on getting a husband:

First off if you don't have a husband don't get one, just see if you can borrow someone else's for the holidays. I believe there are even web-sites you can go to that you can rent one for a night. If you don't like it then you don't have to use it again.

Second off if you have to have a husband defiantly don't get a used one. There's usually something wrong with them and that's why they were gotten rid of in the first place.

Make use you read the packaging on the husband, they aren't all made for the same ages. Some are made for children, which is why they act like them, and some are made for adults. You don't want to be an adult woman with a 'husband made for a children', you'll look pretty stupid.

Some husbands make more noise than others do. They can come with loud hobbies they do and past times like listening to music or watching tv. Some also make a lot of noise in general just by moving around the house. They don't come knowing the word quiet. Husbands always do know when you are loud, and that can just be when you drop a piece of paper on the floor. For some reason husband's have a better sense of hearing than women but for some unknown reason they never hear you when you want them to. Many times a husband snores so you may have to look into investing in ear plugs. You might be able to ask around and see if anyone knows if the husband you are looking into getting snores, someone might be able to tell you.

Read the users manual well. Most husbands aren't made for to doing all things. Many times you'll be the one who does everything: cook, clean, wash clothes and much more. Normally the only things that they are made for doing are washing themselves and getting dressed. You may have to pick out the husband's clothes for them though because husbands normally just grab the first thing they see and put it on. If you don't pick out the husbands clothes you might be going to a fancy dinner with a husband in jeans and a concert t-shirt. Some husbands are made for doing these these things but they can be pretty expensive and they usually go quick.

Read the instructions on them well too. They already come assembled so you don't have to worry about putting them together but some are easier to fix than others when they break, and they break pretty easy, and there's no 1-800 number to call for tech support to help you put them back together. Usually when a husband stubs his toe it will take over a week for it to fix. They aren't like most women who say "ouch" then move on with the rest of their day. Also when a husband sneezes it means they 'they have the flu' and must lay in bed for days, it makes them heal faster they say.

Instead of getting a husband you might want to consider getting a pet. They're almost the same thing. But a cat, dog or even a horse are usually easier to take care of.

If you haven't guess by now I'm not in the greatest moods with my husband. I feel a bit better getting all that out and I hope I gave you some good laughs too.

Last edited by valeriedl; 04-23-2018 at 01:16 AM.
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  #2  
Old 04-23-2018, 02:34 AM
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It's reasons because of this which are why I'm not married, no girlfriend, etc.
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Old 04-23-2018, 06:40 AM
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I am sorry you are having a hard time but I as a man have to take issue with what you wrote. I think itís very unfair. A big day is coming up in a mans life, you only have to make one decision at your wedding, so choose carefully! Every man knows marriage is like a walk in a beautiful park looking at natures creations. Jurassic park! Welcome to the dangerous world of married life. ItĎs too late to repent! Have an amazing journey!

Quote :
Second off if you have to have a husband defiantly don't get a used one. There's usually something wrong with them and that's why they were gotten rid of in the first place.
Every woman has an opinion about everything, your opinion will not count, even went asked for your opinion, it must always be the same as your wifeís. Never disagree with anything a woman says. The best advice I can give you is, for a successful marriage - Keep her happy! To all men, the above statement is correct? (That was a close call)

Quote :
Make use you read the packaging on the husband; they aren't all made for the same ages. Some are made for children, which is why they act like them, and some are made for adults. You don't want to be an adult woman with a 'husband made for a children', you'll look pretty stupid.
First remember the above statement is correct. Some women are very particular and want to know how much is in your bank account, then of course there is the woman who does not care and will empty your bank account when you are out working hard and then there is the most common type woman, she will want to know the balance of your bank account, then take your credit card and demand the pin number so she can access her money, you are allowed use her car so you can work for her money. In life we should always keep our eyes wide open. However, after marriage itĎs better to close them! Ask my bank manager.

Quote :
Some husbands make more noise than others do. They can come with loud hobbies they do and past times like listening to music or watching TV. Some also make a lot of noise in general just by moving around the house. They don't come knowing the word quiet. Husbands always do know when you are loud, and that can just be when you drop a piece of paper on the floor. For some reason husband's have a better sense of hearing than women but for some unknown reason they never hear you when you want them to. Many times a husband snores so you may have to look into investing in ear plugs. You might be able to ask around and see if anyone knows if the husband you are looking into getting snores, someone might be able to tell you.
I have been married for a few years now, I know, I am a gluten for punishment. Like most men, I was not told about this viscous creation in school, mainly because most of my teachers were women. Looking back now I can see the warning signs. Think about it, you never seen your father argue with your mother and if there was a difference of opinion (argument to a man) your mother always won. Your mother always said to you ďdo what I tell you or I will tell your fatherĒ this is very clever; your mother knows your father has only one option. Ever notice how your father came back and said sorry to you when your mother was not around or near him. You will have no hobbies and all friends have to be passed by your wife first before they can be your friend. This is a daunting process for anybody to go through, especially the written exam. Forget it you cannot watch the programs you want on TV, you watch what your wife says are your favourite programs, which of course are her programs. Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right and the other is... a husband!
A few things you need to remember, always keep your wife happy a successful marriage depends on you saying, I'm sorry, it's my fault! Then always let her think she's having her own way. And second, let her have it. Marriage marks the end of a love story and the start of a wrestling match. It is your job to work for her money. I have one last and very important thing to say to all men.

Why marry when jumping in front of a train is easier and faster?

Disclaimer:
All opinions, written or otherwise are not the views of the person known as fedup, any tip or suggestions written are not his. Fedup would like to point out he believes all women are correct in everything they say or do even when they are wrong, he would like to say sorry to all women and does not know how his account was hacked, but itís his fault.
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Old 04-23-2018, 08:28 AM
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Husbands have their uses. I use my sister's husband when I need someone to pick me up at the airport, or carry a very heavy box down to the basement, or tell the plumber how to do his/her job properly (I am way too genteel for that). So they do come in handy. And like other people's children, I can send them back to their rightful owners when they cease to be amusing.

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  #5  
Old 04-23-2018, 08:56 AM
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Quote :
Why marry when jumping in front of a train is easier and faster?
Because some woman are so beautiful and amazing you really would jump in front of a train for them. So far though, I haven't fallen for the bait.
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Old 04-23-2018, 09:18 AM
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I'm sorry Fedup, and anyone else, I didn't mean to make anyone mad. There's just an issue going on in our life right now that my husband is driving me absolutely crazy about. This was all meant in reference to him. I picked out some of the things that he does that drives me crazy at times. He isn't like this all the time. I just needed to let loose and it was all meant in a joking way too.

In my family almost none of it applies to my dad. I think the only thing that does is picking out his clothes and it's not because he'll be wearing jeans and a rock concert t-shirt but because what he's got on just won't look right. Heck a good bit of it can even apply to my mom and I!

I love my husband and wouldn't get rid of him for anything.

If anyone thinks this is inappropriate please ask to have it removed.
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Old 04-23-2018, 12:14 PM
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resaebiunne

I could not agree more with you, some are very beautiful, its like honey to a bee. What are us me supposed to do. I think we are out numbered here so far.

Where are all the men?
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Last edited by Fedup; 04-23-2018 at 12:58 PM.
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Old 04-23-2018, 12:57 PM
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valeriedl

Do not say sorry for being angry, just some Irish humour trying to help lift the clouds.
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