Academics dwindling.....could be so much more

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PixiDust

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So, this originally was posted in the 'Padded Room' because I was very emotional at the time. Now - Academics and and success through them are my life. Success in that field (BA Archaeology) is the most important thing in my life next to family.
Recently, I have been unable to take Honors Thesis because my E would act up because of the stress. So I have to do a regular one. I also can't graduate with Honors because the 3 petite mals that I had set me back to a B instead of an A/B. AKA: I could be so much more than this. I could be an Honors student if it weren't for E. Any thoughts?
 
PixiDust

there is no " I could be an Honors student" you can be an honers student you have the ability, stop thinking you are not able to do it there is a way around everything.
 
Yes, teachers have said that I can do Honors Thesis but after this semester I am beginning to doubt myself. Thank you for the in-put but I am already taking 3 other 400 level courses: Theory to Anthropology, EthnoArchaeology and CRM (cultural resource management) These are required courses. I can not just 'find a way around them' without sacrificing either my career or health.
I HAVE worked with my professors and they themselves are adamant that stretching myself that thin would only send me to the hospital. So this is not a personal opinion. I have been through every possible alternative, however nothing equals out- which I wrote this post. ANY outside ideas are more than welcome
 
to clarify: While teachers say I have the academic potential to do an Honors Thesis they are advising against it because of the possible consequences.
 
PixiDust

Ok the teachers are telling you that they advise against it, well what do you think, is it too hard for you, do you believe that there is no way you can do it. Can you rearrange subjects for yourself. Just because others advise against it does not mean you have no say or thoughts on the subject. Yes there are consequences but ones you need to decide about.
 
Accept things as they are. You have E and are having trouble making "Honors". So what? You are still eligible to graduate, right? Like your professors have said, why stretch yourself. Do you want more than just "petite mal" seizures? That is what could happen if you do. The seizures could manifest themselves into CPs and worse. Take it one day at a time, one class at a time.

Good luck.
 
Okay: no I definitely do not want more than petite mals. Which is why I'm hesitating. But I'm also one of those people who have bigger ambitions than possible. A huge problem when you have E, and one I struggle with. So yeah, I'll have to back down. Thanks.
 
Have my academic and post-doc titles, graduated with honors, got my promotion. Once these were so important to my family and my prior goal in life. Did it brought me happiness and success in life? Is it worth to value so highly? Please believe me, there is so much more in life which is far more important. Such as accepting life and be able to be a happy and a good person despite your health issues, heaving healthy children and persons to love and to love you. Don't stare blind on titles and diploma's, those are no guarantee to success and happiness at all and are of just secondary importance!
 
Dutch Mom,
thanks so much. it is great to know that someone else out there with epilepsy has succeeded as far as you have. that my ambitions are not just a pipe dream ( I get that a lot) And yes, outside life is just as important. I love dance and take every chance to learn more. If I had the right feet, I would have pursued a career in ballet.
I guess I put academics ahead in my goals because it the one thing that people say 'you can't do it as well as non-epileptics can, accept it'. I will not. So, it is nice to see someone else who has overcome that stigma while enjoying the rest of life. You are on my list of heroes.
 
No thanks PixiDust, you're welcome. Thank God I have no epilepsy, my eldest special needs son has, unfortunately he has one of the most nasty types: Lennox Gastaut syndrome. Some I'm glad to have just one person in my family with E. because that's hard enough to deal with, His epilepsy has learned me one important thing: what life is worth, despite of al his imperfections and disabilities he is the most precious thing I've got in life. Being able to care for for this innocent precious child is so much more satisfying than any diploma, honors or career ever will be.
 
Well, I can tell him to not listen to what others think, and his best friends will be those who don't care. But that is an obvious. Epilepsy is one of those 'invisible' disorders, so it can be much harder for us. I don't know what it is like to be a mother, but you seem to be doing a great job. I'm sure someday in his teens he will say 'I don't need you, I'm independent' but just remind him, or yourself what a difference you have made in my life.
 
Cint:
so what? as long as I graduate? I don't want to create an argument here but my entire life I have had people telling me 'your different, expect it and accept it. There is nothing you can do'. I intend to prove them, and the world, wrong. So, if I seem uppity it not because I think I know better than you but that I will not accept the bare minimum.
Which is why I wrote 'I can be so much more'- because I'm having problems fulfilling this mantra of mine.
 
PixiDust said:
Well, I can tell him to not listen to what others think, and his best friends will be those who don't care. But that is an obvious. Epilepsy is one of those 'invisible' disorders, so it can be much harder for us. I don't know what it is like to be a mother, but you seem to be doing a great job. I'm sure someday in his teens he will say 'I don't need you, I'm independent' but just remind him, or yourself what a difference you have made in my life.
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Thanx PixiDust, but I'm afraid that won't happen. My special needs son is severely mentally and physically handicapped due to brain damage, severe mental retardation usually comes with Lennox Gastaut syndrome, he can't talk nor understand what's being said to him. He can't walk, stand etc. and is in a wheelchair. We live in an adapted house. He is going to special needs day care 5 days a week, brought by a wheelchair taxi buss. He is age 16 now, physically a teen but mentally he still is a toddler. But a happy toddler mostly, I'm glad to say. Fortunately this makes him not aware of people saying things or staring at him (but we and his siblings are.) His handicaps as well as his many seizures are very visible. He won't be independent but is and will be 100% depended for all basic care as long as he lives.
 
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PixiDust said:
Cint:
so what? as long as I graduate? I don't want to create an argument here but my entire life I have had people telling me 'your different, expect it and accept it. There is nothing you can do'. I intend to prove them, and the world, wrong. So, if I seem uppity it not because I think I know better than you but that I will not accept the bare minimum.
Which is why I wrote 'I can be so much more'- because I'm having problems fulfilling this mantra of mine.
Click to expand...

I said "so what, as long as you graduate" to help you lighten your load. If you want to prove everyone is wrong, go ahead, but it could cost you more illness and more seizures is all I'm saying. Believe me! I AM speaking from experience!!

When my seizures started 30+ years ago, I had a career in the airline industry. I wanted to see the world and was working on getting my private pilot's license, also. The seizures started as SP and the stupid doc said I was hypoglycemic, so put me on some med that only made my seizures increase. To the point of TCs. To this day, no meds have completely controlled my seizures. I still have some CPs. Who knew back then that I would end up like this? I wanted to learn to fly but now can't even drive? Let alone, haven't been able to get a job in the airlines due to seizures! How is that for the bare minimum? But had to learn to live a life with seizures the best I could. Life is what YOU make it!
 
okay, you got me- I don't know about your life. Sorry, I 'spoke' too quickly. Though, I do understand your frustration about not being able to drive, having stupid doctors and still having seizures. I have had E since I was 4, (now 30 ) so have never been able to drive... with the exception of the lawnmower. lol. And yes, always wanted fly. I have been through a plethora of doctors, one which sent me into status, anther brain hemorage...so I guess that is why I am the way I am. I have survived some bad stuff, we all have, but am here. Decided to make the most of it and I guess academics fit the bill. No clue why, they just make me feel like I am making a difference against the stigma of epilepsy. So, taking the risk of having seizures is something I do take into consideration, and have found way around, just that this semester it didn't work.
 
Dutch mom said:
Thanx PixiDust, but I'm afraid that won't happen. My special needs son is severely mentally and physically handicapped due to brain damage, severe mental retardation usually comes with Lennox Gastaut syndrome, he can't talk nor understand what's being said to him. He can't walk, stand etc. and is in a wheelchair. We live in an adapted house. He is going to special needs day care 5 days a week, brought by a wheelchair taxi buss. He is age 16 now, physically a teen but mentally he still is a toddler. But a happy toddler mostly, I'm glad to say. Fortunately this makes him not aware of people saying things or staring at him (but we and his siblings are.) His handicaps as well as his many seizures are very visible. He won't be independent but is and will be 100% depended for all basic care as long as he lives.
Click to expand...
wow- I worked at a camp for the mentally disabled (Easter Seals) but don't think I ever encountered Lennox Gastaut syndrome. I do know seizures and mental disabilities come hand-in-hand (I was often paired with these campers) I can only imagine what you go through on a daily basis and honestly don't think I can express my sorrow for you adequately because I have never been in that situation. I guess, it makes me thankful for what I do have. My seizures may not be under control and at times just want to scream, but now whenever I think that life sucks I will think about you and your boy. You are an inspiration for all of us.
 
Oh but live doesn's suck as far as I'm concerned PixiDust. Dón't feel sorrow for me please, that's the worse one can do.
My son taught me how precious life is and how worthwhile his life is to us and to himself. There was a time we could do nothing but pray he would survive. He did and that is all that counts. In spite of his severe disabilities he is such a happy and content child, truly the light of our life, and that is al that counts for me and my husband to be happy. Our grieving for the 'loss' of and grieve for a not healthy born child is passed long time ago, we have accepted that it is what it is and have learned to be happy with what we do have. The seizures we will never get used to, they are the most heavy part of it for him, not for us. The seizures do influence his quality of life more than all his mental an physical handicaps are. But they are part of him, he wouldn't be who he is without them. And we have learned a way to tolerate them. What else could we do?
What does concern us is the future, who will care for him when we aren't able anymore, how will the future care for disabled people develop in my country?
But, on topic again: this is my life story and the daily life of my family. And that's not at all what I had in mind during college for my future. It made me realize that diploma's, honors and success are just of secondary importance. Please don't make life unnecessary hard on yourself by high expectations and ambitions, take it as it comes and be proud on and content with what you do achieve in spite of the epilepsy that is part of you. Spare yourself disappointment and low self esteem by keeping your goals realistic and achievable, that gives you the the chance to surprise yourself and will make you a more likable and admired person to others.

P.S. I just created this new thread for you http://www.coping-with-epilepsy.com/forums/f42/woman-mirror-pixidust-others-interested-25934/ It might help you tu understand my journey. A bit.
 
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Hi Pixiedust,

I think I understand your frustration. My e started when I was in my senior year at Stanford right at midterms. So I had enough good grades "in the bank" to still graduate but the Summa Cum Laude went out the window. But then later, after I got the e under better control, I went back and got a master's and doctorate. Throughout my career, nobody ever asked or cared about the Cum Laude.

But I know it's frustrating for you even if it's not about getting a job. You know what you are capable of doing and feel hamstrung in reaching your goals. That's understandable.

You say you can do a regular thesis just not an honors thesis because the stress involved makes your e act up. Might I suggest that you tackle the problem from the stress angle? Stress management is a very individual thing. Yoga works for some people, others prefer meditation, deep breathing exercises, any physical exercise is good, getting a massage, great sex. You figure our what works for you.

You don't have to be a victim of "stress" any more than you have to be a victim of e.
 
Hi Pixiedust

My heart goes out to you because I can tell that you really put your heart and soul into what you are doing and that it means the world to you. I think you are amazing to be accomplishing all that you are. That said, I second the wise advice that says that our successes have to be about so much more than any academic or professional accomplishments.

Reading about your situation reminds me so much of my college age daughter who is going through something similar. She was two months in to her junior year (4.0 in honors classes) and had to drop out of school entirely due to severe health issues. She was so ill she wasn't able to return to school for more than a year. Now we know that even though she is an honors student, she cannot take a full course load because the stress can cascade into catastrophic consequences. Like you, she is incredibly conscientious but due to her illness she has to go more slowly than her classmates. The good news is, she is eligible for academic accommodations that allow her to take fewer classes per semester and have extra time to complete assignments. This allows her to work at a caliber that feels good to her (honors classes) but most importantly, is manageable. She is now very happy and applying to top tier grad schools so it is a plan that has really worked out well!

I saw that you have been taking what looks like a full course load? Perhaps her solution might work in your situation as well? You may already know about this but I just wanted to put it out there.

Sending you the biggest hugs!

:hugs:
 
I also have E and i went back to college last year studying forensic and medical science, and started university this year, studying a degree in biosciences.

I knew that there would sometimes be whole weeks where i couldn't concentrate, but you just need to find ways to work around it. So i couldn't concentrate for long periods of time - i just had to make up for it when i was having good days. I still managed to pass last year with a perfect grade, and surprised myself by getting the highest possible.

I'm not sure i could attain that in university since it's a lot more difficult, but i'm going to do the best i can. There can be huge amounts of stress involved with deadlines and exams which can affect seizures, i must have had a wobble and thought about quitting a few times, but i'm glad i didn't. I'm already nearly 30 and don't want to leave it any later i guess lol.

We can achieve anything, it's just that sometimes we have to work a little harder for it. Don't give up now. Go for the honours. You may regret it if you don't at least try.

All the best for your studies, never listen to anyone who says you can't do it. You'll find a way if you want it that much.
 
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