Before I was better controlled, I had these potent de je vous experiences, and I was convinced that I was psychic. I'm not a superstitious or religious person, but the experiences were powerful enough to have me wondering. I actually was convinced that I had dreamed the experiences I found myself having--although I'm certain today that I did not. I also have temporal lobe epilepsy. Now that I am better controlled, I very seldom have those experiences of de je vous.
I also have extreme, sudden mood swings. Many years ago I remember walking through my bathroom. When I walked into the bathroom, I was horribly depressed but by the time I'd exited (within only moments) I was the happiest person on the planet. It was as if that bathroom had drawn a line between one state of being and another. These days, I sometimes fall into less extreme altered states, and I do have less severe mood swings.
I also used to have hectic religious experiences, which I now know were due to epileptic activity. I have had hallucinations that I believed were visions. Karin Armstrong wrote a book called the Spiral Staircase in which she describes her experience with temporal lobe epilepsy. She, too, had strong religious experiences that were significant enough to cause her to become a nun. After a decade, she had her first tonic clonic seizure, and after she was medicated her visions stopped. She experienced a crisis of belief, which she overcame in a rather unique way that led to her winning the Pulitzer prize. What I enjoy most about her story is the fact that it reveals how vivid and real these experiences really are to TLE sufferers.
I must say, the vast majority of my TLE experiences have been difficult to tolerate, but I must also acknowledge that, regardless of how plastic these experiences really are, they are still far beyond what the ordinary person gets to experience in their lives, so I also have a little gratitude--odd as that may sound. At the very least, my life is far from arbitrary.
