Giving adult child a car...

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rebellovw

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This site has been great - my son has been living on his own and going to the University and doing very well. He has been there about a year and has landed a job tutoring - I'm extremely proud.

He gets around on his bike and uber etc - no car.

When he was living with us he was driving all the time except for periods after a seizure. He does have a seizure about once very 6 months it seems.

In AZ the Rule - is pretty much (from what I recall) either 3 months or 6 months free with Dr's permission (we always went 6 mos)- doesn't seem to be very rigid. The DR was always like - sure - he should be good.

Anyhow - he has a great driving record - but isn't currently driving.

Onto my question - I told him I'd give him my car should he Graduate. I'm concerned about that now. He is an adult 25 - but if something happens it could be really bad for him.

I feel I should give him money instead - let him decide - buy a car or just use the money for transportation. Car + insurance + maintenance is fairly expensive and he would be on the hook for it.

What does a parent do?

Thanks for your help.

PS - also is this the correct forum for such a question? doesn't seem right for an adult man "nursery" - but none of the headings seemed applicable for a fathers question. Admin please move if it makes sense.
 
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rebellovw

You have every reason to be very proud of him, I must say. Buying a car for anybody is a nice thing to do but to buy it for your son is special and nice. I can see your delmia. However he does have seizures, something which is very unpredictable as to when and where it happens and sometimes how often it happens. It might be a good idea to sit him down and explain your worries and thoughts on the idea. What if he gets a seizure while driving? he could be hurt or worse, but what if he hits somebody else, can he live with knowing this.

Some of us drive (like myself) there is no problem but if it did. Sitting down and talking this out between you both might be a good idea. I have stopped driving and will probably never drive again, but there is nothing I can do about it.

doesn't seem right for an adult man "nursery": You could have put the thread in the "kitchen" if you wanted or a few other places if you wanted. Nothing wrong with what you did.
 
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Hi rebellovw --

I think giving the money to your son makes the most sense. He's old enough to take responsibility for his choices. But as Fedup suggests, it would be great for the two of you to talk through the pros and cons, just to make sure he understands the risks, rewards -- and the expenses -- related to driving his own car.

I'll go ahead and move this thread to "The Kitchen" forum. :)
 
Thanks very much Nakamova, Fedup

I had a nice conversation with his mother. He already beats himself up and we certainly do not want to baby him.

At 25 his is pretty much an adult and will need to make is own choices.

Now that I do need to get rid of the extra car - to give it to him - he will need to come up with his own insurance if not - then I'll just sell it.

Problem solved.
 
Id give it to him and keep it under your name.

Give it to him as incentive to be as good as he can and avoid seizures. I know some are unavoidable, but dangle it out there as a reason to try to keep even better health.

You did say he does get a DL, as long as he can keep one and stay seizure free driving is a big part of adult life is missing out on.

For me, getting taken to work by your parent when in your early 30's is just flat out embarrassing.

It also makes me feel 50x more normal, when able to drive....not so impaired.
 
Id give it to him and keep it under your name.
I think that's a little bit excessive. Give him the car. Let him decide what to do with it. He's old enough to make his own decisions. Once he graduates he'll want the title to do with the car as he pleases. It sounds like he's smart enough to listen to his doctors and not drive after he's had a seizure. So I think he can handle the title too. You're not giving him the car if you keep the title, you're lending it to him. Otherwise, what's the point? He could just go off and buy his own car! lol
 
I think that's a little bit excessive. Give him the car. Let him decide what to do with it. He's old enough to make his own decisions. Once he graduates he'll want the title to do with the car as he pleases. It sounds like he's smart enough to listen to his doctors and not drive after he's had a seizure. So I think he can handle the title too. You're not giving him the car if you keep the title, you're lending it to him. Otherwise, what's the point? He could just go off and buy his own car! lol

It seems shes 50/50 on giving him the car.

Thats why i said to leave it in her name.
 
I'd say let him make his decision on the car. If he doesn't feel safe driving then he doesn't need to. There are so many things I don't do around the house that if I'd have a seizure doing then I can seriously hurt myself. I don't cook, unless it's in the microwave, when I'm home alone because there have been a few times that I've had a seizure while cooking on the stove and almost burnt the house down. Luckily there was someone home with me.

My seizures usually come on with no warning. Once my dad asked me to move our lawn tractor about 20 yards. When he looked over he saw I was having a seizure on it with my foot on the gas pedal driving it as fast as it went right for a tree. Somehow my dad managed to run, probably as fast ever had, to catch up to me and stop the tractor about a foot from the tree. I won't go near the thing now. I can't even imagine what might have happened if I'd done that in a car?

I drove and lived on my own until my first seizure when I was 27. After that I had to move back home with my parents and have them and other family members drive me everywhere. Heck most of the time it was my grandparents who took me everywhere!
I'm in my early 40's now and I'm still being driven around by my parents and other family. Being driven by my parents and family never felt embarrassing and it still doesn't - it feels safe! If I were to wreck the car because I had a seizure and I knew I shouldn't have been driving then that would be embarrassing, if that's the right word to use to describe it.

When you told him you'd give him the car what did he have to say about it? Yes, no, maybe? If he has his own way of getting around and doesn't have any problems doing it then go ahead and let him. Are you able to sell the car on your own? In my opinion I think you'd be better giving him money because a good bit of times money can be more useful than anything else.
 
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