over-protection

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kathya410

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I have a husband that is overly protective because of my seizures. I know he does it out of love but there is a fine line between feeling loved and feeling like I'm 10 years old. He's always asking me if I took my medicine, do I need to get a prescription filled, am I careful when I'm using the stove ( I had a seizure and burned my hands on the burner once ). This list could go on forever. Every time I make a loud sound ( drop something on the floor ) he is calling from the other room to make sure I'm OK. He calls from work at least once a day to check on me. My neurologist told him to "back off" a little, but so far it hasn't happened. Any one else feeling like they're 10? What should I do? When I ask him to stop, he says he can't stop himself.
 
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Hmmmm Kathy, will have to play a little devil's advocate here.
I do know what you mean about feeling like a kid, but, I don't know that I'd want it any other way. My boyfriend does all the things you listed, and I've grown to see it as love and that's it. If you can put yourself in the caregiver's shoes, I too don't know that I would be any different than our men. It would be so scary being on the other side, any chance you can just see it for what it is rather than being upset with him?
(((HUGS))) I know it sucks, as if seizures aren't enough to deal with. But they deal with ALOT too...
 
How long have you had epilepsy and how often do you have seizures? My husband was very over provocative at first but now, 8 years later, it's not that bad.

I send him a text in the am to let him know that I've taken my meds since he's at work. He used to call me but we decided that it was easier for me to send the text. He's usually home when it's time to take my other meds during the day plus I have an alarm set to go off on my phone at med time so he knows that I've taken them. He'll usually call me from work the day after I have a seizure to check on me and see how I'm doing. Neither one of these things I have a problem with however.

If he's got a prescription that he's going to the drug store to get he'll ask me if I need anything filled too. He only does this so he doesn't have to make two trips.

At first my husband didn't want me anywhere near the stove, I don't even think he really liked me using the toaster. He didn't like me taking me a shower if I was in the house alone, going up and down the steps, using a knife and didn't like me crossing the road to get the mail. I could keep going on with the list but my fingers would will get tired from typing.

He doesn't have any problems with me doing anything in the kitchen now, he actually asks me to cook for him. Crossing the street is fine along with taking the shower and everything else that he didn't want me doing before.

He does get a little worried when I go out with some of my friends. Most of them have never been with me when I've had a seizure so he's not sure if they'd know what to do. I'll usually get a phone call from him when I'm out.

The thing that drives me really crazy is when we are in a store shopping. He won't let me out of his sight. I can't even go to the end of the same aisle that we are in alone. I swear if I'd fit in the little child seat in the shopping cart he'd put me in it.

If I go shopping with anyone else in the family they let me get my own cart and do my shopping then we meet up at the front of the store when were done.

I went shopping at the mall once with my dad one time and my dad just stayed in the food court and told me to go have a good time, just come and get him when I was done. If he knew this I don't know what he'd do. I think my dad did give me a call while I was shopping to make sure I was ok but I didn't have a problem with that.

Your husband does need to back off. Maybe you can give him the call or text like I do, at a set time, to let him know your ok. Like I said it's medicine when I send him the text. If he doesn't hear from you then he can give you a call.

Do you keep your meds in a pill case that shows the day and time, if you take them more than once a day? Leave this somewhere that he can see it. He'll be able to see whether the meds have been taken or not. Also with using one of these it's easier to tell if you need any of your meds filled because you are emptying the pill bottle faster.

If he's afraid of you doing things in the kitchen then tell him he can do it all. It would be nice not to have to do the dishes, get dinner ready and being cooked for instead of cooking for someone else! Things might change if you make him do everything.
 
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I agree with the comments above, I've come to get used to it all as an act of love. Losing my independence, ability to drive and going through this all now a second time is difficult, but i'm thankful to have such love and care around me.

11 years ago, I started having a seizure on my way to the oven after the timer went off for the muffins I was baking. I burnt my fingers pretty badly.

Recently, I had a seizure in the middle of the road, but thankfully it was a cul-de-sac and my husband was nearby. I've also came out of a seizure a few weeks ago with a knife in my hand while doing dishes (a butter knife, but woke me up some nonetheless).

I'm in a situation beyond my control that I'm living with my father (and my 14 year old son), while my husband feels like a world away (~1200km). My husband feels completely helpless as I have a seizure while on a video call. My son has stepped up and offered to pick up a few groceries when needed, and even being 35 years old, my father's first question when he gets home is "How are you feeling, any seizures today?"

Does it suck to have all these limitations, 'rules', and loss of independence. Yes, absolutely, 100%. But if it weren't for all these people in my life, I'd be an even bigger mess.

Like qtowngirl said, they deal with a lot too. Kathya410, I hope you two can figure out something together that will work better. Take care.
 
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