After 34 years of battling 'mental illness' I have recently discovered it was epilepsy all along.
The professionals missed it because my epilepsy is kind of rare. I get ictal headaches. The extent of most of my seizures is a bad headache with vertigo, muscle twitches and baffling mood changes. I also get a bit more stupid and uncoordinated when the headache comes on.
I tried all the migraine medicines to no avail. Gabapentin proved useful, but Ativan is my best friend. Only Ativan can quell these monstrous headaches that make me feel like I'm walking in a bubble.
I've had headaches all my life. Bad ones that made me mad and irritable, cloudy and depressed, stupid and forgetful. Nothing I took ever helped. All I could do is lay down and sleep. They were just something I lived with until last year I was placed on an anticonvulsant called Lamotrogine for mood stabilization. Well, Lamotrogine gave me a bad case of 'forced normalization' and I became psychotically depressed on it(forced normalization is pretty rare too). When I was taken off, the headaches I'd always suffered became monstrous and I started getting strange sensations along with them. Muscle twitches, weird smells, strange thoughts. They were super headaches now. You know how some super heroes get powers by coming into contact with toxic waste? Well, I got super headaches because of those toxic little pills I took.
I ended up at a phospital after they took me off the Lamotrogine. I couldn't think straight, I was getting signs from God and I was overwhelmed with anxiety and paranoia and depression of the suicidal kind. When I did things to improve my mood, symptoms abated, but the bizarre ass headaches continued. I saw a neurologist about it and he prescribed MRI and EEG tests which jsent me into non-convulsive status epilipticus. After each test I was admitted to the ER with seizure. The friday after the two tests my ongoing headache became so bad I could barely think straight and I checked into Porter ER. My overnight stay was punctuated by bouts of agitation, incoherence and crying. I think I was diagnosed Schizoaffective by the psych counselor who visited me.
After months of research, speaking with epileptics and working with neurologists, I am still awaiting an official dignosis. I recently did an ambulatory EEG and hope the findings might shed some light on these horrible headaches I get.
In the meanwhile, I'm stewing. Pissed at ten years wasted trying to treat a disorder I did not have and now carrying the stigma. All of the neurologists I met with couldn't look past my psychiatric diagnosis and are hesitant to recognize my epilepsy. Ictal headaches are rare. Even more rare is an Epilepsy that presents mainly as ictal headache.
My headaches are well charted, though, and my symptoms can't be migraine. I can't treat them with migraine medication-well, I know some AEDs prescribed for migraine will work for me. Only anticonvulsants can treat my headache.
Having learned about epilepsy has helped me tremendously. Sensations I get are not 'psychosis', though I get that too. The abrupt feelings of fear and visual perturbations don't cause me to panic anymore. Its so much easier to think I'm having an epileptic symptom-I know exactly how I'm going to feel when a headache comes on and what I'll be like when it passes. I even know what's going to trigger my headaches. I also know sometimes I'll have psychotic thoughts during my headaches as well as moments of psychosis after they pass. These thought problems used to cause me great distress and panic, but now I know I'm not going crazy. Its all just too many neurons firing around.
I'm popping 2 Ativan a day, contemplating a bottle of Trileptal. Learning the true nature of my brain imbalances has made me whole, but its too bad the seizure headache had to get worse to be recognized as my epilepsy.
Does anyone here deal with ictal headaches?
The professionals missed it because my epilepsy is kind of rare. I get ictal headaches. The extent of most of my seizures is a bad headache with vertigo, muscle twitches and baffling mood changes. I also get a bit more stupid and uncoordinated when the headache comes on.
I tried all the migraine medicines to no avail. Gabapentin proved useful, but Ativan is my best friend. Only Ativan can quell these monstrous headaches that make me feel like I'm walking in a bubble.
I've had headaches all my life. Bad ones that made me mad and irritable, cloudy and depressed, stupid and forgetful. Nothing I took ever helped. All I could do is lay down and sleep. They were just something I lived with until last year I was placed on an anticonvulsant called Lamotrogine for mood stabilization. Well, Lamotrogine gave me a bad case of 'forced normalization' and I became psychotically depressed on it(forced normalization is pretty rare too). When I was taken off, the headaches I'd always suffered became monstrous and I started getting strange sensations along with them. Muscle twitches, weird smells, strange thoughts. They were super headaches now. You know how some super heroes get powers by coming into contact with toxic waste? Well, I got super headaches because of those toxic little pills I took.
I ended up at a phospital after they took me off the Lamotrogine. I couldn't think straight, I was getting signs from God and I was overwhelmed with anxiety and paranoia and depression of the suicidal kind. When I did things to improve my mood, symptoms abated, but the bizarre ass headaches continued. I saw a neurologist about it and he prescribed MRI and EEG tests which jsent me into non-convulsive status epilipticus. After each test I was admitted to the ER with seizure. The friday after the two tests my ongoing headache became so bad I could barely think straight and I checked into Porter ER. My overnight stay was punctuated by bouts of agitation, incoherence and crying. I think I was diagnosed Schizoaffective by the psych counselor who visited me.
After months of research, speaking with epileptics and working with neurologists, I am still awaiting an official dignosis. I recently did an ambulatory EEG and hope the findings might shed some light on these horrible headaches I get.
In the meanwhile, I'm stewing. Pissed at ten years wasted trying to treat a disorder I did not have and now carrying the stigma. All of the neurologists I met with couldn't look past my psychiatric diagnosis and are hesitant to recognize my epilepsy. Ictal headaches are rare. Even more rare is an Epilepsy that presents mainly as ictal headache.
My headaches are well charted, though, and my symptoms can't be migraine. I can't treat them with migraine medication-well, I know some AEDs prescribed for migraine will work for me. Only anticonvulsants can treat my headache.
Having learned about epilepsy has helped me tremendously. Sensations I get are not 'psychosis', though I get that too. The abrupt feelings of fear and visual perturbations don't cause me to panic anymore. Its so much easier to think I'm having an epileptic symptom-I know exactly how I'm going to feel when a headache comes on and what I'll be like when it passes. I even know what's going to trigger my headaches. I also know sometimes I'll have psychotic thoughts during my headaches as well as moments of psychosis after they pass. These thought problems used to cause me great distress and panic, but now I know I'm not going crazy. Its all just too many neurons firing around.
I'm popping 2 Ativan a day, contemplating a bottle of Trileptal. Learning the true nature of my brain imbalances has made me whole, but its too bad the seizure headache had to get worse to be recognized as my epilepsy.
Does anyone here deal with ictal headaches?